Page 114 of Before I Loved You

“Have you grown since I last saw you a few weeks ago?” Ray jokes. They both laugh and as they part, Ray’s eyes meet mine. “Sarah.” He holds his arms out wide, and without thinking about it, I stand and walk into him, hugging him back.

“Thank you for meeting us here,” I murmur.

“Of course.”

We part and take our seats. Ray immediately pulls out a laptop from his bag and sets it up. He wipes the lenses of his glasses with his shirt, looking between the both of us.

“Okay. So who’s going to tell me what’s going on?”

I glance up at Paul, who looks down at me.

Paul only gave Ray vague details over the phone, letting him know there was something he needed immediately erased from someone’s devices.

He failed to mention that it was a sex tape.

And that the sex tape is mine.

Paul’s hand finds mine on the table and squeezes it lightly in encouragement.

“I will,” I say in a slight whisper. Clearing my throat, I look at Ray and tell him everything. Everything except the part about me currently being pregnant with Paul’s baby, since we decided this morning that Paul’s mom should be the first one we give the news to. But throughout the whole story, Ray remains neutral and attentive, only once letting his feelings show by clenching his jaw and closing his eyes after I admit to being blackmailed for the past few months. “Well.” I study the table before me, wrapping my arms around myself. “I think that was everything.”

Paul’s arm skates around the back of my chair, scooting me closer to his side.

“Sarah.” I glance up to find Ray staring directly at me with…pity? No, not pity. More like a deep sympathy in his golden brown eyes. “As Paul probably told you, I can’t talk about the specifics of my job. But I can say that I work in a special part of the government that, unfortunately, deals with things like this all of the time, and it’s my job to make things disappear. I’ve seen things that, well…” He hesitates before saying, “What I’m trying to say is, I want to make sure you know that what happened to you is not your fault.”

His words sucker punch me right in my gut.

I didn’t admit this to Paul, but ever since that night with Greyson, I’ve believed it was my fault.

That I should have known better.

Been more careful about who I slept with and where.

“It’s just sometimes I can’t help but wonder if I didn’t—”

“No.” Ray shakes his head. “It’s not your fault.”

I nod, unable to speak, because I can feel my throat beginning to burn and tighten as I hold back the sting of tears forcing themselves upon me. These are words I’ve needed to hear for so long. I’ve blamed myself for that night when Greyson was the only person to blame.

He filmed me.

He blackmailed me.

He threatened Paul and me.

He controlled me.

But when I look at Paul, studying me cautiously, all those realizations come crashing down, and I break.

Silently, I begin to sob into my hands as Paul pulls me against his side, running his hand up and down my back, soothing me. His lips kiss the top of my head.

“Let it out,” he whispers.

I nuzzle my face into his shirt. “He t-taped me w-without me knowing,” I stutter.

Paul’s grip on me tightens. “I know. And he will pay for doing that to you. But right now, we are going to take care of the video so he can’t cause any more harm to you, okay?”

I take a deep breath, staring into Paul’s eyes.

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