Page 105 of Before I Loved You

His hand stills. “I’m not leaving, baby girl. Not today, not tomorrow, and not ever.”

I nod, glancing down at my hands on my lap. “Greyson Black.”

Paul’s body tenses. “What about Greyson Black?”

“He’s the reason I couldn’t tell you,” I breathe, pinching my eyes shut for only a moment.

“I don’t understand…”

I clear my throat, my eyes watering. “Growing up in foster care, moving from house to house, made it difficult for me to make friends. Actually…it was impossible for me to make friends.” I rest my cheek against the back of the couch. “So, when I started my freshman year at Linrey University, I thought it was my chance to try. And I did that by going to parties.” I close my eyes and take a deep breath, hating how much I remember every part of the night that has haunted me for years. “One party in particular was at the Kappa Alpha house. A couple of girls who I recognized from classes were there, and they called me over to sit with them. We were laughing and drinking, and it just felt so good.”

I’m still too nervous to make eye contact with Paul, so I tell my story to the side of his shirt, where my fingers clutch onto the fabric.

“A group of guys came over. And one of them was Greyson. He had his eyes on me the whole night, making me feel so…special.” I internally cringe. “When he asked me to go upstairs with him…” I shake my head, so ashamed of myself. “I was drunk, and I didn’t say no when I should have because I didn’t want those girls to think less of me. To think I was some pathetic loser. And I thought I would impress them if I went upstairs with him, so I did. I took his hand and let him lead me up the stairs to his room.”

Paul’s fingers swipe across my cheek, wiping away a single tear. He places his hand on top of mine, squeezing it for encouragement.

Reminding me he’s here and he’s not going anywhere.

“Nothing about that night felt right. I should have turned around. I should have run. But when we entered his room, he shut the door behind us, and I felt trapped. I was naïve thinking that maybe we would just talk or…do other things, but he didn’t waste any time getting what he wanted.” Paul’s body turns into me as he pulls my body against him. “When I woke up the next morning alone in his bed, I didn’t remember much of what happened. I was naked with bruises all over my body. I couldn’t think straight, so I just grabbed my clothes and got out of that house as fast as I could, feeling so stupid and used. I told myself I would forget that night like it had never happened. But later that day, I got a text from an unknown number. It was…a video…of me and Greyson.”

This time, I can’t fight the sob that overtakes me. I press my face into Paul’s side, hiding it. His hand finds my back, rubbing slowly in a gentle circular motion.

“He sent a text that said, ‘I own you.’ I was so scared, but there was nothing I could do. No one I could go to for help. So, I spent the next couple of years trying everything I could to stay out of his sight. And as evident from the panic attack I had while running out of your room, I never stayed over at any man’s house for fear the same thing would happen again. I…never slept with anyone after Greyson until you.”

Suddenly, a thick blanket wraps around my shoulders, cocooning me in warmth. A shiver wracks through me as I continue.

“That night at the bar, on my twenty-first birthday, I think everything just hit me really hard. I couldn’t stop thinking about my parents or Greyson; all I wanted was a distraction. Just one night where I felt in control of my life again,” I say softly. “Four weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. But I had no idea who you were, and I know that was my fault.”

“Sarah—”

“No, it’s okay. I was the one insistent on not exchanging names.” I shake my head. “I met you at Natalie and Vanessa’s a week later when you tried acting all smooth.” My lips curve up at the memory, and Paul’s arm tightens around me. “Anyway, when I started my internship at LH United, I found out that Greyson is my boss’s son. And well, he…” My voice cracks when I say, “He made it perfectly clear that he’s still holding the video over my head to do with whatever he chooses.” My hand reaches for my neck, absently running my fingers along my skin.

Paul tenses. “Did he hurt you?”

I subtly nod, closing my eyes, tears dropping from my lashes.

“I’m going to kill him,” Paul grits out, his chest heaving. “I’m going to fucking kill him.”

I swallow hard, sniffling, trying to calm my racing heart. “I had planned on telling you everything. I swear I did. After you invited me to that game, I thought I would tell you over dinner. I hoped we would figure everything out together. And I optimistically thought that maybe I wouldn’t have to go through all this alone anymore. But while I was waiting for you outside the locker room, Greyson found me. And he told me that I needed to stay away from you or…he was going to release the video, and he was going to make it look like it was you who released it. He said it would ruin your career in the NBA. It would ruin your life.” I bite my bottom, trembling lip. “He told me that you took something from him, so he was taking something from you. I have no idea what he was referring to, but he was so mad, Paul. There was nothing but fury in his eyes, which scared me so much.”

Finally, I look up into Paul’s eyes. “I’m so sorry, Paul. I didn’t know what to do. And I couldn’t risk it. I couldn’t risk him destroying your career because of me. And I tried so hard to stay away from you in fear of what Greyson would do, but eventually, I couldn’t fight it anymore, and I was trying to figure out how to fix everything. I was working on a plan, and I thought I could finally tell you I was pregnant once I got the video erased, but I never planned on you finding out the way you did. Everything just became too much for me and…”

A violent sob escapes me, overwhelmed at the feeling of finally telling him everything.

Absolutely everything.

Paul’s hand rubs up and down my back, but he doesn’t say anything until…

twenty-four

PAUL

“He filmed you without your knowledge?”

She nods against my shirt.

“And then blackmailed you?”

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