Page 101 of Before I Loved You

I freeze in front of the door. Did what?

The door is cracked open only an inch, hiding the man from my view. My shaking palm lightly pushes the door open as I take a deep breath.

One… Two… Three!

“You messed with the wrong crazy bitch motherfucker!” I scream, jumping inside the room, holding the pepper spray in front of me with my thumb hovering over the switch as I aim at…

Paul?

“Holy shit, Sarah!” Paul presses his hand to his chest, startled.

“Paul?” I blink a few times. “What are you…” My throat goes parched as my eyes take in the room. Every piece of baby furniture is assembled. Every screw is fastened. Every bolt is tightened. And every damn knob is precisely where it belongs. Confusion fills me as I take in the completed nursery, my mouth agape. “Why did you do this?”

My eyes drift to Paul, meeting his. And I notice hurt flash across his chocolate brown eyes.

“Well…” He tugs on the silver chain around his neck. “I guess I can understand why you would ask me that, seeing how I left things with you the last time I was here.”

I tuck the pepper spray in my back pocket. “Yeah. I, umm, didn’t think I was going to be seeing you again,” I voice steadily, trying to appear strong when I’m ready to crumble inside.

He shakes his head. “You know I’m not that kind of person. I just needed to think about things. I needed to cool down.” His eyes narrow the slightest bit. “It’s not like I was given a heads-up about this.”

I look down at the floor, guilt eating away at me.

“I know.” I wrap my arms around myself.

“Do you think we can talk?” Paul asks quietly.

I nod, staring at the plush beige carpet.

“Sarah?”

I shake my head.

“Look at me.”

A tear escapes, cascading down my cheek.

“I can’t,” I whisper.

He takes a couple of steps until he’s standing directly in front of me, his shoes coming into my line of sight. Two of his fingers slide under my chin, lifting my face so I have no choice but to meet his eyes with my own.

“Talk to me.”

I swallow hard, closing my eyes. “I thought you left,” I admit in a whisper. “Like everyone else.”

“Sarah…” His thumb caresses my skin. “I’m not going anywhere. And I’m sorry that I made you think that I was. But I’m here and I’m always going to be here.”

I nod, opening my eyes, feeling tears spill down my face.

“You don’t believe me, do you?” he asks.

I shake my head. “I watched you leave, and I didn’t think I’d ever see you—”

His lips press against my temple. “I’ll spend every day proving to you that I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me, Sarah. Whether you like it or not, you’re stuck with me.”

I let out a shaky sigh. “Being stuck with you sounds pretty nice.”

“Yeah?” He wraps his arms around me, pulling me against his body. My eyes close as my head rests against his chest, and I melt into him, cherishing his embrace.

---