Page 74 of Crown of Chaos

“I thought you said she was the real thing, Siobhan?” Jasmine asked behind her hand, as if it would stop me from hearing.

“You can’t see anything?” Siobhan asked, staring around the space.

“It doesn’t find you worthy of its knowledge.” Esme laughed outright. “Well, that’s awkward. I guess welcome to a large empty room. Siobhan will escort you to somewhere you can clean up and then show you where you can sleep tonight. Tomorrow, we will return you to your home.” I watched them vanish down a hallway before I turned to find Esme watching me.

“It found us worthy, but not her?” Esme probed, still plucking gunk out of her hair. “Would we need to dig the hole together?”

I snorted. “We’ll discuss it tomorrow when you’re not covered in shit and whatever that is on your ear,” I said, pointing out the green stuff that covered it.

“Disgusting! I hate it when you explode them. It isn’t sanitary,” she snapped before stomping off.

“But did you die? No. Stop being moody and wash the shit off. Literally,” I called to her retreating form before turning toward the barrier that bisected the library.

It was harder than it should have been to ignore the stab of disappointment when I found the other side was vacant, the fireplace dark, and the remnants of the smashed chest forgotten on the floor. He’d been spending less time here, and it left me wondering what he was filling his time with when he was gone. Was he choosing to spend it in the bed of someone else? That thought hurt more than I’d willingly admit. It wasn’t like we were even on talking terms, so I had no right to any feelings at all about what he did or didn’t do.

Besides, Knox had already made it clear how he’d felt about me.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Knox

I exhaled past the achein my chest as the ifrit etched the delicate faces of the daughters I’d lost onto the smooth surface of the ancient oak wood. They’d been so tiny and so strikingly beautiful. Aria had held them in her arms, and I’d felt the world spinning out of control. It had created a deep need within me that I’d refused to examine too closely. I was actually afraid to because, if I did, I would have to admit that I wanted that with her. I wanted it all with her, and that wouldn’t end well for either of us.

I missed her more than I realized it was possible to miss someone. Then there was the way her body tightened around mine. The way it clamped down, sucking me dry as she took every drop of me into her tight, wet pussy.

There was something feminine and uniquely Aria’s that filled the air when she came for me. It was so addictive and dangerous that I yearned to inhale that scent more than I needed fucking air, and it had become my favorite thing in the entire Nine Realms.

I wanted to track her down and fuck my grief out on that delicate body of hers until neither of us felt shit anymore almost as much as I wanted to find her, hold her against me, and just feel her near.

That woman had burrowed beneath my skin. She’d sunk her claws and teeth into my heart so fucking deeply that it ached to be away from her, a pain that was inflicted because of my own actions. Aria had every right to push me away, and I didn’t blame her one bit for doing so.

Did I deserve her? No. Hell no. Did that fucking matter? Nope. But that girl was an obsession that I couldn’t quit. Aria challenged me, and I enjoyed the way she made me work to keep up with her mind. The girl was a mastermind, and yet she let you catch up so you knew she was ahead of you. Aria was cocky, arrogant, but also so damn beautiful that she made the traits her own. On anyone else, I’d despise them. But on her? The girl had the balls and brains to pull it off splendidly.

Her side of the library still held her nest in one large corner, which was a constant reminder of the pain she and I had endured. I hadn’t seen her in days, but her scent taunted me, reminding me she’d left. I didn’t blame her one bit for not thinking twice about leaving me. Fuck, I was a miserable asshole most days, but lately, I’d been stuck in my head replaying everything that was going wrong.

My mind whirled and replayed all the times I’d lashed out at her trying to figure out how many of those instances were driven by magic and how many were my anger. I needed to tell her about the hexes, but it didn’t excuse my behavior, even if it had fueled the end result. I knew that and accepted the consequences. I’d never been gentle, but it went against my very nature to be abusive to any woman, most of all a mate.

I’d fucking hurt her in ways that no woman could ever look past, and yet, she’d still tried. She’d tried to reach me, even though I’d shredded her to her perfect, innocent core. I’d humiliated her in front of my men and mistreated her inside the home I’d expected her to live in with me. I hadn’t stood up for Aria when Celia cut her down, either, but Aria had always bounced right back from everything I’d ever thrown at her.

A knock sounded on the library door, and I flicked my finger, using magic to open it. Killian entered and moved to sit next to me with his elbows on his knees and his fingers steepled.

“You look as miserable as I feel, Kill,” I muttered absently before I filled the second glass, which had been turned upside down for Gideon, drinking to his memory. The soft scent of citrus and aged wood tickled my senses as I held the drink out to Killian.

“I feel stupid,” Killian muttered around an exhale. “I fucking missed it, and I feel responsible for what happened. Gideon died because I couldn’t see the madness within Celia. I should have warned you about her obsession before it ever got this far. It was cute, and something Liliana and I would tease her mercilessly about. The announcement of your nuptials to Liliana sent Celia over the edge, but eventually they worked it out between themselves, so I figured Celia had found someone else.” He shoved his fingers into his hair, and cradled his head in his palms.

“It wouldn’t change anything. If they hadn’t gotten to her, it would have been someone else who took out Gideon. It is how they get to us, and will continue to do so long after Celia is buried and gone from this world.”

He blew out the air from his lungs, lifting his gaze to hold mine. “How the fuck they got to her is what I want to know. There was no way I would have guessed that she’d made a deal with Hecate, especially not after how she reacted after Sven and Liliana died. All those times I thought she was stepping up to be helpful because you were in mourning were nothing more than her being calculated. Hell, it wasn’t until Aria entered the picture that I actually realized her obsession never ended. I was supposed to protect her and keep her on track, and for hundreds of years, I had no idea her life had gone so off course. I failed her and you.”

“It matters little ifwefailed her or not, Killian. She betrayed the kingdom. That’s not on us. Celia sought out witches and allowed them to influence her and direct her against us. It’s not something anyone expected.”

“She’s my sister, and I am the one responsible for ensuring she married a good, powerful husband. I didn’t even look, Knox. If I had, maybe we wouldn’t be in this fucking mess. Gideon would be alive, and you wouldn’t have beaten an already battered girl. I should’ve fucking done my job, and I should’ve done something about her obsession with you instead of teasing her about it.”

I turned my head, sinking back into the chair before replying. “I don’t fault you. I don’t blame anyone except Celia and Hecate. What I can’t figure out is why she’d do something so stupid.” He frowned and turned toward me.

“This shit isn’t making sense, and the more I try to make it, the more fucked up it gets.” He leaned forward, steepling his fingers in front of his lips.

“She was barely on the brink of womanhood when I married Liliana,” I stated tiredly. Mentally preparing for the blowback of what was about to unfold, I poured two fingers of aged whisky into the glasses, pushing one toward my oldest and longest friend. We tossed back our drinks, neither speaking until I finally admitted what I’d done with his sister weeks after I’d lost my mate. “I slept with Celia, Killian. I was drunk and raging over the unfairness of losing Liliana after we’d lost our son. I regretted it immediately and never allowed it to happen again, but it doesn’t change the fact that it happened. It was likely the reason her obsession got worse, thinking there was hope for a relationship when there wasn’t.”

---