Page 48 of Crown of Chaos

“I never said I wanted to be a queen or pretended that I’d make a good one. Remember? You wanted the throne I’d inherit, and now that it’s not a viable since Hecate has it, you’ll need to get it by other means. I am sorry for what I did, and I know it changes nothing. All I can do now is to be better and more careful moving forward. You have every right to hate me, and if that’s the case, then I won’t hold it against you. But that’s the choice you have to make.” I stepped back, praying against the odds that he didn’t concur with what I’d stated.

“So, it’s my move? This isn’t some fucking game we’re playing here, Aria. I’m about to walk out there and inform families that my wife slaughtered our people. This is the world we live in, and those are the peopleIhave sworn to protect. If you were anyone else, you’d be fucking dead already and hanging from my walls as a warning to others who sought to harm my people. My move is to go outside and read off names from a list that I compiled while digging out mangled bodies from rubble so I could bring them home. Am I going to discover more keeps like that one throughout Norvalla, wife?”

“No,” I admitted before taking another step back from him.

“You sure? Maybe you should take a moment and think that answer through.”

I shook my head, creasing my brow as his eyes sparkled with animosity. “I’ve not touched any other one within your realm.”

“How about the one you attacked before you showed up, miscarrying our babes?”

“The only losses there were ours. We never made it past the gates. Did you . . . did you find any remains of witches there?”

“I didn’t fucking look for your sisters or bother with a single dead witch on that field. The inhabitants inside were slaughtered, but not before they’d been brutally tortured. I guess it really doesn’t matter which Hecate witch slaughtered them. Right? We’ll just add their names to the list of innocent victims that ended up collateral damage. I thought you were different from the others, but you couldn’t wait to show me otherwise, could you?” The sound of a horn blaring forced him to turn toward the window before he spun back, stepping closer to the barrier. “Don’t make me hunt you down. I don’t want to cage you, but if you do this again, I will do what’s needed to stop you. If you’ll excuse me.” He snorted, spinning on his heel to leave me stewing in my emotions.

After time had passed, I sealed off the library and moved toward the window. A sizeable crowd had gathered, with lines of people inching forward with uneasy gazes. They pulled carts covered with blankets into the area. Sliding my eyes over a few, I exhaled, noting the hand hanging lifelessly from one.

There were several carts that continued into the spacious, lavishly decorated courtyard. Knox had retrieved the mutilated victims, returning them to their families. He hadn’t cleaned up, choosing to stand before the crowd bathed in their blood and the soot from the wreckage he’d dug them out of. His men didn’t seem to be in much better shape.

Killian moved through the gathering crowd and grabbed the lists from the men who drove the carts. Brander lifted his hand, waving someone closer to him. He accepted the papers the man held and nodded toward the wagons. After a moment, both men strode over to Knox, handing him the parchment until he bowed his head. Even from where I stood, the pain stamped on his features was clear.

He handed a few pages back to the men, and they moved through the crowd. Knox called out a name, and the crowd echoed it until they began parting for someone to pass. My brow creased as a woman stepped forward and stared at Knox in confusion. Knox spoke to the woman. And even though I couldn’t hear his words, I knew she was a mother or widow when she collapsed, her shoulders shaking with sobs. He swallowed hard, closing his eyes against her agony.

Others from the crowd moved to help her from the ground, but it was Knox who picked her back up. Brander moved to her other side as Killian brought a chair over for her. Lore stood with Greer, both silently watching Knox kneeling before her, whispering as she nodded, weeping loudly. When he finally rose, he announced another name, and the process started over again. Time moved by, and I silently remained in place, forcing myself to face what I’d done to them.

All around the area, people cried or mourned the losses I’d created. Had I wished for the world to mourn with me? Yes, but actually knowing I had forced someone to feel as I did, well, it shattered that desire. I found no pleasure in their pain. I didn’t wish to hurt others in such a manner, but I ached on a deeper level than I could explain.

A young couple moved up to the king, their faces filled with denial and anxiety. Knox spoke delicately, but the woman collapsed, pleading for him to take the words back. The man sank down next to her, holding her in his embrace even though he looked destroyed by the news, too.

My chest tightened with misery that broke free from my lungs, forcing my hand to press harder to hold it in, to silence my suffering. I knew that pain, and how deeply it tore into you. I also understood why Knox had stated he didn’t want others to know it, ever.

His ocean-colored gaze lifted, locking with mine as he swallowed. Then another couple stepped up and I slipped back from the window, placing my hands over my ears to block out the pain-filled sobs that exploded from them.

Turning to hide from the scene, I found the others watching me with knowing stares. “I can’t be the monster in this story,” I whispered breathlessly. “I don’t want to feel this ever again. It’s too much, and I don’t know how to handle it. I’m to blame for making them carry the same anguish and soul-shredding agony that lives inside me. They shouldn’t be hurting right now, but they are because I made them do so.”

“So don’t be a monster. All you have to do is refuse to allow this place to turn you into one,” Esme offered, as if it were that simple. “He is angry, and rightfully so. Knox came to you directly after discovering what you’d done to his people, same as you did when we discovered our people were murdered. The difference is that he didn’t seek to hurt with anything more than words. Knox was brutal and should have probably given himself some time to cool down before coming to you, but he wasn’t wrong.” Her smile was a tight, white line before she frowned. “You can’t change what you did, but you can decide what you do from here on out.”

“He burned the book that held the answer of how to create another realm,” I admitted, perching my weary frame on the couch. He probably never wanted to see me again, and I’d have to accept that. “We have no plan, and I am not sure what to do now.”

“So, we don’t have a realm, and we can’t create one. We knew that was a possibility and that we might need another plan. I think it’s time to find Aden and ask him some serious questions,” Esme countered softly. “Maybe we belong with them, anyway, and it will save us the trouble of figuring out where to go later on. If we know where we belong, Aria, we can figure out where to build a kingdom for others easily.”

“I have to locate Aurora and my sisters first. I tell them about Reign and see which of my sisters will come with me.”

“Then let’s find them.” Esme nodded at Soraya. “It doesn’t matter who is with us. We need to assume everyone is against us and be pleasantly surprised when they’re not.”

“That sounds like sound advice. Shall we go see what awaits us?” I asked, smiling as they helped me up from the couch and hugged me. “I’m so glad I have you guys with me. For the first time in forever, I don’t feel like I’m alone.”

“Still not your best friend.” Esme snorted, patting my back. “But I got your back, Aria. Not because you’ve earned it but because we all see ourselves in you. We know you won’t leave us to rot on a battlefield or run when shit gets hard. Don’t prove us wrong. If you do, I will not think twice about putting an arrow through your heart.”

Chapter Twenty-Five

It had been weeks sinceI’d departed the library. Each day, we scoured for traces of my family and those who’d escaped the slaughter at the sanctuary. Every night, we returned to the rickety old keep without discovering them. Then, last night, the scrying crystal had finally marked this location on the map. We’d wasted most of the daylight hours planning how we’d infiltrate the enormous mansion.

In the village that surrounded the vast mansion, we’d heard of a party being held for the newest members of the council of nobility. It was as if the universe had settled, adjusting to aid us in finding our foothold. That news caused trepidation to thunder through me because, if she were here, it would prove that she’d sought an alliance with those she’d encouraged me to attack.

The estate was already flooded with guests, and there was still a seemingly unending line of coaches waiting to deliver even more people. Drawing in the soothing perfume of pine mixed with a subtle hint of wild lavender deeply into my lungs, I calmly evaluating the scene. I worried my lip between my teeth because the event was clearly a lavish affair.

“They appear to have hit the local renaissance fair and ransacked their costumes. That’s rather scandalizing of them if you ask me,” I whispered.

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