Page 37 of Crown of Chaos

Chapter Eighteen

Knox

I sat, silently observing Ariaas she bathed our daughters. She’d fought so hard to save them, and I’d beseeched her to quit. The idea of losing her hadn’t just terrified me; it had threatened to decimate me. Literally, I’d sunk to the floor, unable to remain on my feet as she sobbed and pleaded for her misery to end.

When I’d heard her scream, I’d rushed from the courtyard, expecting to walk into the library to find her grieving a sibling. Instead, I’d discovered her bleeding all over the floor. Minutes were all it had taken me to realize the gravity of what was actually unfolding. Aria’s screams had brought Lore and Brander rushing into the room, and they’d been just as shell-shocked as I’d been. As the hours passed, I’d sat silently at her side with that cursed barrier between us. The fucking thing was preventing me from being where I wanted to be, which was holding her tightly, and easing her pain.

I hadn’t felt that helpless since Sven passed, and I’d resented Aria for being unwilling to drop that damn barrier. It had been short-lived, though, because watching the fear in her turquoise-colored eyes caused deep, visceral pain that shredded me apart and left me adrift in misery. There was nothing either of could do to stop the births—the babies were going to be born no matter what she wanted or how hard she fought to keep them safe within her.

She’d fought for them hard to keep from losing something we’d created together. She left me shocked at how to react to her cries and prayers for our babes to live. Even though I’d begged her to stop and allow her body to give birth, she kept battling the inevitable.

I’d felt the punch in my gut when she’d admitted that she’d known for a while that she was having my children, but there wasn’t any room inside me to be upset that she hadn’t told me. Not after what I’d said that night in the library. Regret wasn’t an emotion I felt very often, but there was shame for my having said I hadn’t wished her to carry my babes. Shame because I’d lied to get her to reveal herself. I’d denied wanting them, but I’d lied to her and myself. The realization Iwantedbabes that would have held her eyes and laughed from their bellies like their mother floored me. I wanted more than a few hours of getting to watch her hold them and to see her expression fill with wonder at what we’d created.

“We’ll make more,”Lennox stated.“Get her to us, now.”

“She needs time, Lennox. Aria’s body needs to heal, as does her soul. Unlike you, we are mourning,”I stated coldly, hating that he only wanted her so he could attempt to make more babes.

He chuckled ominously, and I felt him unfurling his need inside of me.“Aria will heal quickly enough, Knox. You’re mistaken if you assume she’s not ready. Ember unseated them from her womb, and she was right to do so. You and Aria now know that we can make them, and the truth about being mates. If you think we will not make more soon, you’re naïve. Ember feels sorrow for the cost and pain from what she’s done. I can smell it on them. It is like what occurred when you lost the boy, Sven. There was your grief that turned to rage, and you must prepare for what Aria and Ember unleash. They will not be the same after this. Aria is soft edges, and a tender touch. In order to become what she needs to be, she’ll endure greater pain and grief. She’s merely on the brink of her change, and still too soft to do what’s needed. Do not change for her, Knox. And do not ask her to change for us. Life forges us into what we need to become, and neither of us will bow to the other. That means we have to find the middle ground and meet her there. Aria was born to be your queen, and Ember, my mate. I care little about the kingdom or a throne. I admire that Aria has no fucks to give about them, either. Be gentle with her tonight, but tomorrow she must rise stronger, which she will not do if you treat her differently.”

“You expect me to treat her as if this didn’t happen?”I clarified, studying her frame. Her shoulders slumped, and her scent was filled with grief and despair. I hated seeing her in anguish, but this soul-deep grief was even worse.

“Indeed, Knox. She is Aria, and forged from the same flames that molded us. The fire within her has dimmed, but it has not extinguished. Tomorrow, it will rekindle and ignite to burn brighter. Now, figure out how to bring her to us. I am about to rip this kingdom apart and dismantle the library to reach her.”

“Calm yourself down, Lennox. I’ve yet to place our daughters in to the mausoleum with their brother. Give her tonight, and tomorrow we will see if she’ll come to us on her own. And for the record, you can’t touch the library. You’ve tried and failed several times. Now give me time to grieve with my queen because, even if I can’t touch her, I can offer her my strength.”

Her soft cry filled the room, and I purred, doing what I could to soothe her from a distance. She wouldn’t bring the barrier down, and I didn’t fault her for it, either. I hadn’t reacted well to finding out that Liliana had been her aunt in disguise. My whole life had been one big fucking lie and deceitful game that her family had erected. But Aria repeatedly proved that she wasn’t cut from the same cloth in which they’d been sheared.

Aria was so easy to want, and it wasn’t only because of the mind-blowing sex. It was everything about her. Her mind was sharp, and I enjoyed listening to her speak on matters that others didn’t even care to consider. I craved her beside me in bed, to hold her close and silence the demons inside my thoughts.

That girl was the sun in my world, the warmth that heated my flesh. I was the ice that threatened to freeze her pretty skin until it was blue. Still, she protected me, even from her bloodline. Aria had stepped in front of an attack meant for me, and I hadn’t been able to do anything but stand aside as her family took her away. She was fearless, and now she knew genuine pain. I loathed that this would turn the bright, beautiful creature she’d become into something colder, but death had a way of altering us.

The light in Aria’s eyes was already dimmer, and the grief was a shroud draped over her. She wouldn’t buckle or stay down, though, and that gave me hope.

Two of her sisters and our daughters had been the cost of waking her up to the fact that Aurora couldn’t lead shit. Aria learned a hard lesson that she wouldn’t likely forget in her lifetime. You chose a leader based on their strength, endurance, and their sheer determination to leave the field with the numbers they’d entered with. Emotions had no place in the equation.

My attention slipped back to Aria as she grabbed the blanket. Tender hands cradled the babe, carefully wrapping Evelyn in a small, white-lace cloth. My stomach dropped, and my hands fisted with the desire to touch Aria. Tears rolled down her pink cheeks, which were still flush from labor. Exhaustion showed in her sluggish movements and the dark circles beneath her puffy eyes, but she continued to take care of our girls.

I wanted to kiss her tears away, to wrap my arms tightly around her broken form, and prove to her she was not alone in her grief. Lennox wanted to hold her, too, pining to wash away the sadness consuming her soul. He and I had both been shocked by how tiny the babes were, and I refused to allow him to demand making more beautiful creatures with our mate yet. Not yet, at least. Ember hadn’t spoken to us yet, and Lennox wasn’t happy about that. We’d been forced to endure months of their silence, and in that time, we’d had to learn to trust that they were okay. It was the longest couple of months of our life.

I’d spoken to her every night as if she were in the library with me. She’d never revealed herself, but that hadn’t stopped me. Aria had a calming nature, one that I’d felt occasionally, and I liked to entertain the idea that she was leaning against the barrier, listening to me.

She approached the barrier with our daughter in her arms. Pushing up from the couch, I moved to meet her. Stormy turquoise eyes held mine, and we stood there in silence, neither of us speaking or disturbing the peace.

“Evelyn’s ready,” she finally whispered.

“I wish you didn’t have to feel this sort of pain, Aria.” I pressed my hand to the barrier, and she stared at it briefly before pressing her palm against mine. “I never wanted this for you. You need to know that.”

“Ember aborted them,” she admitted, confirming what I’d already guessed. “You deserve to know the truth, Knox,” she whispered. “Hecate tainted them, as if she was seeking to conceal part of her inside of them or looking to control them.”

“We’re not on opposing sides of this fight anymore, Little Monster,” I confided thickly as she absently rocked the babe in her embrace. “Come to me. Let me hold you through the pain, Aria. You need me, and I could sure as hell use you right now.”

“I just gave birth, asshole,” she said through a soft sob.

“I don’t want sex, Aria. I just want to hold you against me, feel you, and ease your anguish. Come with me to lay our daughters to rest in the crypt. I won’t keep you or try to prevent you from leaving me. I give you my word.”

“That’s not a good idea.” She backed away with agony sparkling in her vibrant eyes. “I deserve pain for not putting them before the needs of the realms. I was terrified of being pregnant and of losing them. And that was what happened. I wasn’t strong enough, Knox. They died, and it was because of me. I did this,” she continued, softly running her fingers over the hint of dark hair.

“No one deserves this pain. Look at me, Aria,” I pleaded, waiting until she finally did before saying, “This isn’t your fault.”

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