Page 33 of Blood Lust

THE WARRIOR

Failure. I am an utter failure when it comes to keeping my mate safe. Unable to protect her from the pitfalls of being a vampire. Even as she sleeps in my arms, I can see the events plaguing her. That human died. She now knows what it means to lose control of yourself. But this is different. She had been feral, crazed, and unyielding. It has to do with not merging her consciousness with the piece of wild predator that unlocks during the turning.

Pure speculation.

Rolando has been searching high and low for anything resembling what has happened to Wren. So far, no reported cases of vampires failing to merge with their counterparts and become one. At least, not one we have access to. He’s tried to retrieve information from her SIM card, and nothing. We search for answers day after day, and everything we try is a dead end.

Having no precedent leaves me in the dark about how to guide her forward and save her from this turmoil the next time she needs to feed.

Sure, I could supply her with blood bags for a time, but it isn't a permanent solution, and we can’t reliably count on them to be available. Our supply comes from a local club. Vampires beguile humans who come and either feed on the dance floor or the human will be led to a room for donation. The blood is then circulated among the registered covens in the area, and the ones without covens can go to the club to try to feed.

It isn’t a perfect system, and there are times when the supply is limited, leaving us to our own devices of preying on the unsuspecting public of Callery. Using our abilities to keep ourselves concealed is everything. If Wren can’t control herself, the council will eventually take notice if she keeps killing.

New vampires are given a form of leeway initially, but she will be expected to get this under control sooner rather than later. I remain convinced the issue lies with her divided mind. This has to have been brought on by the head trauma during the accident, erasing her memories, causing her to reject the new part of herself during the transformation, and leading her to where we are now.

None of that will help me fucking fix it.

I stay up all day, watching her. Making sure she doesn’t struggle in her dreams, ready to rouse her the moment she does. She is strong, determined to stand up for herself, up for anything that comes at her. But in a way, she is also fragile—my little bird. I want nothing more than to fix everything.

I think up ideas of what we can try. The direct approach, her purposefully antagonizing her other self and trying to force a merger that way. Meditation, maybe slipping into a state of relaxation, would allow it to come together. And then there is the issue of memory. Will remembering who she is fix this? Will it be enough to force another attempt at the merger?

So many possibilities, and I hope one works.

Evening comes quickly enough, and Wren informs me she doesn’t want to come down yet. I know I should respect her wishes, so I don't press the issue, but it doesn’t mean I’m not going to try to get help fixing this.

“Chandra,” I call to him from across the living room. He is a quiet fellow, turned by Leland in India when I was not with him. Rolando had gone with him on that trip, and when they returned, they encountered Zach. Chandra saved his life and they have been inseparable ever since. Everyone can tell that Zach and Chandra love each other very much. Quiet by nature, neither of them have ever confirmed that they are mates, but with the frequent silences they hold, I would place money they are speaking in each other’s minds. I’ve never heard of same-sex couples forming a mate bond, but I can’t imagine it’s impossible.

He stands before me, a knowing look on his face.

“You’d like my help with your Wren.” It isn’t a question and I am immediately at ease. He’s always had that effect on people. “You’d like me to see if I can help her merge with herself, or at the very least, guide her towards her lost memories, correct?

“If you would, please. I don’t know how else to help her.”

“This is certainly uncharted territory for all of us, my brother. I am delighted to help.” His graciousness knows no bounds—a skilled fighter, deadly with hand-to-hand combat and with his blade. According to what I’ve picked up over the last hundred years, Chandra is proficient with the Khanda, a double-edged sword. He had illegally trained in and mastered Kalari, a martial art banned when he was coming up as a young man. Sparring with him can be terrifying.

I love it.

Still, with the heart of a warrior and a supreme predator’s abilities, he is a tender and gentle man. Friendly to all life, I’ve seen him soothe many wild beasts. Can he soothe my mate’s inner beast? To hear her talk of it, the inner demon might be more accurate.

“Would you mind coming to talk with her? Maybe you’ll have an idea of something that can be done?” Chandra nods at me and follows me back upstairs.

Wren doesn’t seem keen on the idea but is at least willing to try. Outside, Charlee and I sit together, watching them intently. Chandra moves Wren’s body through different stances like a beautiful dance. Helping her to control every part of herself, every muscle. Focusing her mind and teaching her to hold power there. He adjusts her elbows by a fraction, increases the bend to her knee or the distance in her stance.

Every movement must be precise.

Perfect and total control of her body.

Directly confronting her other self hasn’t worked. Wren said she’s tried multiple times but can’t make it fall into place. She is blaming herself for being too scared of the beast within. Maybe this will boost her confidence.

“A change of scenery?” My sister asks.

I hadn’t been paying attention to her. “What’s that?”

Huffing her irritation at me, “What if she just needs a change of scenery? You know, get off this damn mountain and out in the real world.”

“I don’t think th-”

“She has been stuck here for almost two weeks, with just us to look at. No memory, only able to see her family on television. Hell, her damn boyfriend woke up, and all she knows is she’s sad when she thinks about him. She’s forgotten what it’s like even to be human anymore. No wonder she can’t channel empathy and not kill them.”

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