Page 32 of Blood Lust

He never shouts.

Yet he is shaking me by the shoulders, trying desperately to pull me out of my stupor. “Are you alright? Wren!”

He comes into focus, and I see the relief in his eyes as mine find him. “I can’t believe I killed him,” I whisper. Oz crushes me to him, not caring that I stain his clothes with blood.

I can feel him stroke my hair, telling me everything will be okay. “You didn’t mean it,” he excuses.

I had meant it. Well, the other Wren had anyway.

“You’re new to this,” he pushes my actions aside.

I still killed a man.

“It was an accident,” his voice is hushed.

I shove Oz away from me. I don’t believe him. I murdered an innocent man, and he is just so fucking calm about it.

Unable to look at him, or anyone else for that matter, I run upstairs to the bathroom and then lock myself in. I run the hot water in the shower as I scrub the dead man’s blood and torn bits of flesh from my body.

I am sickened with myself. Looking in the mirror, I don’t recognize who I am. The voice, the one inside me that stirred when I was feeding. Is she the one that I am supposed to merge with? She is murderous. She’s led me to take a human life, and she will lead me to take more, I am certain. I absolutely do not want to merge with that.

You have no choice. You will accept me.

“Shut up,” I say aloud to my reflection. “Shut up and leave me alone. This is my body, my life, and I won’t let you cause chaos and destruction.” The other Wren quiets down. I stare at myself into my own eyes, and even though she’s backed down for now, I can still see the flash of her that screams danger.

Opening the door, I’m not surprised to see Oz waiting for me.

Of course, he is.

I am in pain, and whenever something is wrong with his little bird, he is there to care for me. I both love and hate him for it in this moment.

Saying nothing but still longing for his comfort, I ease myself into his lap. He accepts me willingly, cradling me to his chest in silence. I tighten the grip on the towel around my body, not wanting to make this any more awkward than it already is. I let him shift us so I am lying on the bed. He rests his head on my stomach and keeps it there. Without thinking, my hands begin playing with his hair, which feels soothing.

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” he starts, and I stiffen. “I just want you to know that all new vampires struggle with this, and you are not the first person in this house to make that same mistake.”

He doesn’t understand…

“I let her in. The other Wren, the one that I am supposed to merge with.” I bite my lower lip. I didn’t know how to explain this. I raise my hands to rub my temples and close my eyes. “She asked for control, and I fought it, but she took it anyway, and then she used me to kill.”

Oz sits up this time. “Wren, this wasn’t your fault. Your mind should have been healed during the turning. You should have become one entity, and that would give you a measure of control. When we can fix those things, it will get easier, I know.”

He seems so confident, but I am still unsure. I don’t say anything. I just lean back into the pillows and turn on my side, away from him. What if I can’t do it? What if I can’t merge, and I kill people every time I try to feed? Will my family have to stop me? There is only so much murder they can allow before suspicion might point in this direction. Our family will be in danger if I don't fix this. Will they end me?

No.

Oz will never let that happen, I’m sure of it.

Will we run off together?

Destruction and death left behind in our wake?

A sure arm wraps around my waist, pulling me into the curve of his body. Protecting me, keeping me safe from whatever troubles are out there. I wish he could save me from myself. I wiggle and press my body into his, taking in his warmth. He strokes my bare arm gently, and soft kisses sweep across my shoulder.

“We can try again,” he tells me in a whisper. “When you’re ready.”

I fall asleep with Oz holding me, but his presence isn’t enough to stave off the nightmares this time.

CHAPTER 10

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