Page 31 of I Accidentally Summoned a Demon Boyfriend

“Do you?”

“It’s those books you read. They’re nothing but porn. Your authors write these stories of monsters coming and fucking the senses out of these women, and you all just gobble it up dreaming of the day it happens to you. The problem is, most of the demons being summoned aren't the type to want to drive a woman crazy in bed. I mean, they'll drive you crazy alright, and then after days or even weeks of torture, they'll probably eat your face.” He looked at me. “You got lucky with me.”

“I’ll have to thank the universe for that. Wait, you read the books?” I couldn’t help myself. I laughed at the thought of this massive demon reading Earth smut. “How many books did it take you to come to that conclusion? It sounds like you read quite a few of them. Don't tell me you were enjoying them.”

“It's called scientific research,” he reasoned. “How could I properly assess the situation if I didn’t get an adequate amount of data for the experiment?”

I laughed.” Just tell me how many books you read. I promise I won’t tell anyone.”

“That's not important.” He avoided the question.

“Some great researcher you are. You won't even share your data sources.” I pointed at him. “How do you expect me to trust your findings?”

“The point is, you human women really need to stop being so reckless. There are plenty of men on Earth. Can they really be so bad that you’re all turning to other worlds for the hope of love?”

“What do you think?” I scoffed. “The last guy I went out with left shit stains on my front seat. So yeah, it's that bad.”

Metice stopped in front of me and turned to look me in the eye, his face tight with the laughter he held back. “He did what?”

“Yeah, literal shit stains on my front seat. So you'll have to excuse me if I thought maybe a mystical magical man created by a spell would be better than dealing with that ever again.”

Metice’s face looked like it would explode. His cheeks tightened, and his lips were pressed so tightly together, it looked painful.

“You’re going to hurt yourself.” I shook my head at his ridiculous expression. “It's fine, you can laugh.”

He burst into laughter, and I thought he would hurt himself. The sound brought the attention of three passing wide-faced demons while he doubled over, smacking his knee and holding his sides. Two of them pointed at Metice, grunting in a language I didn’t know, while the other looked at me. I waited for those ice blue eyes to turn away from me. They were slender beings, smaller them me with bodies like standing geckos. If they suspected anything about me, I doubted they’d want to face the demon I traveled with.

When the three continued without engaging, I returned my attention to Metice, who still had the nerve to be laughing. I had a sense he hadn’t laughed that hard probably ever. Glad my misery could bring someone joy.

“I'm sorry, but that's just too good. I'm going to have to remember that and tell this to the others. You know, one of my guys has been called to your world at least six times! He needs to know this is what he's up against.”

“Now that you know, maybe you can start an agency leasing out the demon broods for the horny women of Earth,” I joked.

“You know that's not a half bad idea.” He scratched his chin, as if he really thought the idea was a good one.

“I wasn’t being serious.” I slapped his shoulder. “That’s disgusting.”

“Disgusting? Look, joke or not, it might be a good business venture.” He caught his breath. “The women are already calling the demons there. I could make sure they get a good one. It would do wonders for book sales. Maybe that screenplay of yours can be a part of this.”

“Please. Stop.” I pinched the bridge of my nose in part to stop the budding headache.

“Fine, fine. We’ll talk about it later.” He placed a hand on my shoulder.

“Can we go now?” I wanted to get whatever this was over with so I could take the stink cloak off.

“Yes. When we get in there, stay close to me.” Metice straightened as we got closer to the entrance of the market. “Rembile isn't a place for a human. It’s barely a place for demons.”

“So why are you bringing me here?” I asked. “If it’s so dangerous, shouldn’t I be waiting for you somewhere else?”

“It's part of the bargain for the witch who's going to help us. There is an herb we need. It’s a key ingredient, and it has to be as fresh as possible. Unfortunately, this is the closest place to her den where I can get it. We’ll be in and out; just stay close.”

And just like that, my nerves returned. The closer we got to the entrance, the more my stomach hurt, and the closer I got to him. I was a second from climbing his back and making him carry me when I heard the first sounds of demonic voices. They were making deals, arguing, and there were even sounds of laughter. Honestly, it was like any other market I had ever been to, just with the genuine threat that something might take a bite out of me.

When we reached the gate, we were a couple nearly fused at the hip. Each step he took, I took only slightly quicker because his legs were longer. At first, I thought everyone was looking at me when we crossed under the arch bearing the name of the market. It was like every creature there, both those with two eyes and those with twelve, turned to us. I pulled the stinky cloak closer around me, making sure to shield my face as much as possible. The thought was stronger with each step. I was a human and a market full of demons. How was this my life?

“They’re all looking at me,” I whispered. “This isn’t working.”

“They aren’t looking at you.” His voice was steady, like the steps that carried him forward.

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