Page 12 of I Accidentally Summoned a Demon Boyfriend

“Shit, I need a drink.”

4

Little Old Ladies

Of course, I got very little sleep that night. I swear, every little sound had me jumping out of my damn skin and reaching for the five-hundred-dollar collector’s baseball bat that was no longer in its pristine casing but now propped up against my nightstand. It wasn’t much, but I hoped it would at least give me enough time to run away—if I didn’t fall on my ass from delirium first.

When I finally slept, my dreams were invaded by a shapeshifting demon with adjustable horns, a rotating dick, and a terrifying backdrop of the underworld. My mind concocted images of a blazing landscape filled with demons, the darkest voids, and hellfire. Despite the scenery that belonged more in a horror story than an erotic one, the narrative shifted from fear to fucking. Each time, I woke up just before the demon ripped my clothes off and banged me into oblivion.

And yeah, I was pissed about it. It was hard enough being horny, but horny and terrified was an unnerving combination. By the time morning came, I felt like shit. The sun peered through the sheer curtains, making me wish more and more that I wasn’t such a cheap ass and had shelled out the extra hundred bucks for the actual blackout curtains. The cheaper version just didn’t get the job done.

“Sunday morning. The demons should stay away. God, I hope so,” I muttered as I threw my feet over the edge of the bed. “Too bad I gave up the church scene years ago. Maybe someone there could actually help me out with this.”

Now, I wouldn’t call myself a religious type, and I also wasn’t one to believe in anything like demons, but in the last twenty-four hours, I’d already seen two in real life, one far more disgusting than the other. I could almost hear the raspy voice of my aunt, a bible-thumping nutcase, shouting from the rooftops about Jesus returning and dousing us all in holy water.

Every time I thought of it, I laughed. How could I not? My cousin Phil scared the hell out of the old woman while wearing a scarred face mask with makeshift horns he’d crafted out of twigs and tape. After that, she went on a week-long tirade of “cleansing” the youth of the family. If we came within three feet of her, she would splash us with foul-smelling liquid and then trap us in a bear hug and pray for our souls. When I told my mother about the smell, she teased me that it must have been toilet water. She said it was a joke, but to this day, I believed it was.

After careful consideration of recent events, I decided it was best to stay in. There was nothing on my to do list that called for going outside anyway. The last thing I wanted was another encounter like the one I’d had at the park. Unfortunately, the self-inflicted restriction backfired. It was like being a hormonal teenager. The moment when your parents told you not to do something, suddenly, it was like the world would end if you didn’t get to experience it right then and there. I tried distracting myself with various activities, like online games, streaming shows, paint-by-numbers, and anime, but of course, my mind kept wandering back to the land of demons.

After making myself a bowl of broccoli cheddar soup, I decided a good book was the thing I needed. I put the bowl to the side and began my search, and of course, my effort to find something on my ever-growing TBR that captured my attention didn’t work. Sorting through the stack of books only made me spiral about my current situation. Reading was what got me into this mess; who the hell would have ever thought reading a spell from a novel would work? I tossed my third attempt at escaping into the carefully crafted fictional world to the side and then had a thought.

“It worked once,” I said to myself. I shrugged and then went on the search for more spells. “I swear, one of these books had a spell for tripling your income or something like that. I still need to buy a new car thanks to that too-tight pants wearing asshole.”

I muttered to myself as I continued my search for the book, and after coming up empty, I gave up. Maybe it was a good thing. It wasn’t as if the spell had gone according to plan. “Fuck it,” I huffed as I grabbed my bag and headed for the door before curiosity actually killed the cat.

I had no idea where I was going as I pulled out of my garage. I just needed to get the hell out of the house. I tried calling my girls up, to get some companionship in my moment of fleeting sanity, but once again, none of them answered their damn phones. I really need to make new friends.

As I drove, I went down the list of people I could call and felt weird at how short that list actually was. I refused to call my mother, who would only bore me for hours before eventually getting on my case about how old I was getting. I had the nerve to be in my thirties, unmarried, and with no kids. How dare I!

My dad would have been a good choice if he lived anywhere near me. After he retired, he moved seven states away and spent most of his time golfing, so there was no way I could just hop on his couch for the afternoon. He would have definitely kept me entertained with tales of the good old days. I could just hear him bragging about mackin’ on young girls and how fly his jheri curl was.

Instead of stalking my friends or blowing up their phones until I found companionship, I chose another route: the friendship of strangers you don’t actually have to talk to. The movies. Sure, watching things at home hadn’t worked a damn for clearing my mind, but that was different. A big dark theater full of strangers might be the thing to help. I pulled up to the theatre, opened the app on my phone, and purchased a ticket to the next showing, an action movie about three young girls battling aliens in outer space.

“Perfect.” I rolled my eyes. “At least it’s nearly sold out already.”

Inside, I paid for the grossly overpriced snacks, got the largest slushy they offered, and headed for my seat. And the damn theatre was empty, not a single person there. Any other time, this would have been my dream, but when demons were looking for me, it made my stomach twist into knots. I almost turned and left until two little old ladies entered behind me. Maybe the people who bought the other one hundred seats were just running late. Yeah, that was likely, five minutes before the movie was supposed to start. Nothing to worry about there!

But that was okay, because no demon would attack with grannies around…right? Wasn’t that like a horror movie rule? Grannies and babies were off limits? I wouldn’t know, because typically, I was too afraid to sit through a full horror flick. I’d always make up an excuse to leave, no matter how ridiculous it sounded. Oh, look, a fax just came in! They didn’t believe me, but they let me off the hook every time.

I settled into my seat, took several deep breaths, and started chomping on handfuls of popcorn as the movie began. The previews were interesting, mostly comedy and action. I made a mental note to check out one about single women abducted by aliens. Wasn’t too far off from my current lived experience.

Yeah, being in the nearly empty theater had my nerves on edge, but the movie was good. Once I got into it, I damn near forgot about everything. From the moment the first weird creature appeared on the screen followed by an afro sporting badass who kicked its head off its shoulder, I was stuck! It was about twenty minutes into the movie when the unexpected explosion made me jump so damn hard, I almost fell out my seat. I looked around to make sure no one saw me.

Of course, no one noticed. The damn place was still empty. I checked on the grannies to see if they’d survived the shock, but they weren’t there.

“What the hell?” I lifted from my seat to get a better look at the empty chairs, expecting to spot the tops of grey curly hair in the lower seats, but they weren’t there, and that nagging feeling in my stomach started again.

I squinted to scan the theater. There was a faint hope that the little old ladies had chosen better seats, considering no one else entered after them. I would find them eating their own snacks, so engrossed in the film that they hadn’t noticed how weird my ass was acting.

And then, the paranoia kicked in. My stomach twisted. If they were shuffling around through the darkness, I would have noticed. The movie was good, but it wasn’t that damn good. I hadn’t seen them leave. That spark of intuition nudged me and said it was time to get the hell out of there. I picked up my sling bag, threw it across my shoulder, and headed for the exit.

As much as I was enjoying the movie, something didn’t feel right, and that was reason enough to miss the ending. I made it to the exit and pushed against the swinging door, but it didn’t budge. I leaned all my weight against it, but the damn thing refused to move. The thin hairs on the back of my neck stood, and I felt the change in the energy in the room. With the building tension came the sounds of explosions blasting over the speakers. The movie grew more intense, and as the sound rose, so did my blood pressure.

I pounded my fist against the doors, but no one answered. Could they even hear me? Would they think my cries for help were just a part of the movie? There was barely anyone in the damn place anyway. Most people were spending their Sunday at church or sucking down mimosas at brunch, not in the chilly theaters watching women fighting aliens. Still, what else could I do? I banged on the door until my fists hurt from the impact then switched to kicking the damn thing.

“Help!” I screamed. “The door is stuck! Is anyone out there?” My throat burned from yelling, and still, no one came.

I looked over my shoulder and damn near kicked myself when I saw the glowing exit sign. In case of emergency, use the exit, not pound on the door like a maniac. I abandoned the useless door, hoping for better luck with the emergency exit.

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