Page 40 of Bear's Rejected Love

It was weird, pretending everything was alright when they knew it wasn’t. Or at least, that everything hadn’t changed that afternoon. Neither of them knew how to define it and it was easier to be silent and still than to try and hash it all out, laying down the groundwork for something that both of them were still uncertain of.

Apparently, they weren’t as good at hiding it as he thought.

Late that night, around midnight, he slipped outside. It was easier to sleep after staring at the stars. A few minutes or a few hours, no matter how long it took, eventually he found comfort and peace in the sky. He was buzzing. He was alive. He felt no desire to run. He stayed rooted to that step, tracing the black ink sky with his eyes, caressing the stars like he could reach out and touch them. His eyes alighted on the Great Bear, Ursa Major, his people had believed that the spirits of their ancestors traveled there. Instead of feeling immense sadness as he gazed at the constellation, he felt a quiet contentment.

He realized for the first time ever that there was a profound strength to be found in softness. It took a lot of courage to forgive. It took endless metal to be gentle and kind. To maintain sweetness in a hard world was nothing short of remarkable, but that was Tabitha, and he respected the hell out of her for it.

He’d realized that afternoon what he should have understood more than fifteen years ago, long before he left. That there could have been more. That unlocking the parts of himself that felt anything wouldn’t kill him. That he deserved to find forgiveness and happiness. That the void inside of him wouldn’t always exist. That there wasn’t anything wrong with his heart. It was okay to hurt, but it was also okay to heal. It was okay to like very few people, but to cling fiercely and loyally to the ones that you did. He could have had a life if he stayed, if he’d listened to his head instead of his demons.

He’d been so close, so close that night, to turning around and going back, but he managed to talk himself out of it. He managed to convince himself that he was doing the right thing and that the whole mating had been a mistake. He believed Tabitha should be free, never thinking that she didn’t view herself as being locked away behind anything. She didn’t resent his presence. She didn’t hate him.

I know you’re not going to bail on me this time because you’re scared or anything else, but please don’t push me away. Don’t invest reasons why this can’t work. Give it a chance, or at least promise me you’ll try.

He’d given her what he should have given her a lifetime ago. He promised and he meant it.

The door creaked open behind him, the hinges whining slightly even though they were new. Maybe it was because they were new. He didn’t know enough about building anything. Mainly, he knew about deconstruction.

He shook himself.

Part of that promise meant not sabotaging himself as a rule. It meant not making a martyr out of himself or letting his demons do that for him.

He expected Tabitha, but the scent was wrong. It made him jerk around faster than he meant to, and a wave of guilt overwhelmed him when he saw how Corbin flinched back as he shut the door.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I actually tried not to because I didn’t want the wolf to pop out and tear me to pieces.” He gave him a lopsided grin. “Also sorry. That isn’t funny. I know it wouldn’t. I could take him.”

Roan felt that smile like a blow straight to his heart. It looked so much like his, when he’d been in the business of giving them out. His son was so much braver and stronger than he’d been at that age. He was probably braver and stronger than he was at any age.

Corbin crossed his arms and leaned against the deck railing. Roan kept himself angled that way. If he was out there, it had to mean that he had something to say.

“I’d warn you away from my mom, but I know that’s not what she wants, and she deserves to get what makes her happy after being so strong and holding it together for so long. And you’re already mates, so it’s not like I can keep you from making that decision.” He grimaced, his face twisting into a snarl that was anything but fierce, but Roan respected the effort he made to look intimidating. This boy had turned out exactly how he would have wished he would have, defending and protecting his mom. “For the record, I think she deserves so much more.”

He stared straight at Corbin. “For the record, so do I.”

“She thought there was something in you worth finding and worth knowing. I think so too. Just… find that in yourself, would you?”

“Yes.” He’d promised he’d try. He’d try until he made it. Made it work for himself. Made it work for her. Made it work for all of them. “Yes, I’ll find it. I’ll treat your mom the way she deserves.”

“She smelled differently today,” Corbin said, looking away, embarrassed and cautious. “Like… off. And she looked happy. I know that you both- that you… she looked at you like you were her real mate. Like she had a claim on you. I’ve seen other people look at their mates here like that. Like they would do anything for them including take on the whole world to make that person happy. Before she used to just look hopeful, like you’d be a part of our lives, but this was different. What you’re both doing is none of my business, but don’t hurt her. I’m not going to say please. She’s worked hard for everything in her life. Don’t mess it up. Don’t mess her up.”

He was at a loss. He knew Corbin was still just basically a kid, but he was similar to the girls in that he’d grown up fast, he was a hell of a lot smarter than Roan had been at that age. Kid or adult or anything in between, he loved his mom fiercely and that shone through. Roan couldn’t act like a dad. He couldn’t go and give his son a hug or squeeze his shoulder, so instead he gave that head tilt that men often exchanged. Having grown up in a clan that was more secluded, he’d spent time when he first went off to college just sitting and watching people, observing absolutely everything they did. He wanted to blend in. The key to surviving was to be only and absolutely human, and that was hard enough for most people who weren’t shifters to do.

He was lucky enough that the distance he always preferred to keep was seen as more of an aloof mystery and people respected that. They were both drawn to it and stayed away from it.

“Roan!”

He met his son’s fierce, intelligent eyes. He had no idea how to love anyone, really, but he wanted to be here for his son. How he could do that he had no idea. Start small was the obvious answer, but what did that even mean? Words went so far and then they meant nothing. He wanted to prove that he was capable of loving him, capable of being a dad. Slowly, because that’s what it would take.

“I do care.” The words were hot coming out of his throat, cutting every bit of the way. “About you and your mom.”

Corbin’s expression shuttered a little bit further. He had every right to be skeptical. “I want to try and be a family. All of us.”

It sounded so dumb when he said it. If anyone else put the words out there they might have been right, but coming from him? He’d just tried to bail the other night after setting their house on fire. He’d bailed on Tabitha before he ever bailed on anything, and it had just continued. How could he explain to Corbin that something had finally hit home? Something that Tabitha said that afternoon, even though he couldn’t pinpoint what it was. Maybe all of it. All of it finally made so much sense.

“I know it will take time. I’m not going to rush anything. I’ll be here, putting in the effort it takes. I know I don’t deserve your mom. I know how hard she’s worked. She’s a wonderful person and she deserves so much more out of life than she’s ever had. Through all the hard parts, though, I’m glad she had you. If I’d known about you, I would have stepped up, you have to believe that. I might have been a bad father, hell, I am a bad father, but I would have been there.”

There was sadness in Corbin’s eyes, and agony, but there was so much more than tragedy and agony. He wasn’t a ball of mistakes and regrets that he had to pick through and untangle before he could get at his heart. His wounds would heal. He was tough and solid like Roan on the outside, but gentle and kind and thoughtful like his mother. She’d taught him compassion and empathy and those were the beautiful qualities that often shone through.

He stared Roan down, which only made him proud.

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