Page 45 of Bear's Rejected Love

“What then? Because I want you to care about your future. Okay, if you’re being so pedantic, maybe not aggressive, but you sure are being passive.”

What she wanted to say was that she wanted him to care about their future. A combined future as a combined unit where they were mates and they made decisions together. Not appearing to be content to drift along, essentially not appearing to give a fuck what she did.

“I do care.”

“Then I wish you could show it.”

“Tabitha.” Ugh, she hated when he said her name like that. With frustration and a sigh at the end. Was there anything more patronizing? “That’s why I said whatever makes you happy. I’m sorry, it was a poor choice of words. I just would never keep you here in a clan that isn’t your own when you have the opportunity to go back home and be with your blood relatives.”

“They’re your relatives too.”

“My blood line dies with me. You know that.”

Now she was the one who had to sigh. Nothing could ever be easy and maybe that was exhausting. Maybe she was reaching the end of her patience. Maybe her nerves were frayed from the shock of seeing her brother appear and then disappear and deliver that kind of news that had some real bearing on her soul and her future. While Corbin was his blood, she knew what he meant. But damn it, sometimes she wished she could shake some sense into him.

“They’re your clan too. Clan is thicker than blood. We all know that. I wish- I wish you could have said that you’d come with us. That you wanted to come with us if I wanted to go. That of course we would all go together because we’re mates and we’re finally starting to figure out what that means. Or was what happened the other afternoon just a one off?”

“No. None of that. I’ve warned you that I’m the last person who would ever make a good mate. You know everything about me. Everything about my past and my present. You know what I’m like. I wasn’t trying to say that I had regrets or that you should go on ahead without me.”

That was the worst thing she could imagine. She shivered even though he’d just said he hadn’t said it. It hit her like jumping into ice cold water.

He sighed, and she braced herself for what he was about to say. “For myself, I’d like to stay, but maybe in the future it would be something different. Greenacre is stable. Established. Safe. Beautiful. Filled with strong leaders and good people. Helena, Ora, and Honor are thriving here. Established is key. This place has enough money to be self-sufficient for a very long time. After Domhnall joined the clan, he donated a significant amount of his fortune to Sam and Nelson’s clan funds. They manage it together. It doesn’t mean it would ever be squandered, but for generations to come, no one has to leave if they don’t want to. They won’t be chased away by poverty or have to work outside in the human world if they don’t want to. No one ever gets kicked out of here or told they can’t come back. The leadership here and the people are the best part.”

“But you- you… so you’d never consider going back home?”

Roan studied her, but his face didn’t get hard. He didn’t shut down like she expected. “I didn’t say that, but I’d like this to be our home.”

“Ours as in…”

“All of us. The girls and the baby and- and you and Corbin with us if that’s what you choose. I’m not trying to tell you to go alone or to take Corbin and leave. I meant if that’s what would truly make you happy, then we’d all go, if that’s what would also make you happy.”

“I’m afraid that now you’re just saying what I want to hear, to avoid a confrontation.” She realized that she’d blurted the worst possible thing. She wasn’t speaking and actually meaning it. She was talking through the stress of the past few months, all the things that had happened, the hope that she had welling inside of her constantly, walking hand in hand with fear. She was afraid of losing him. “Don’t take that the wrong way.”

Of course he had. How else could he have taken it? “Roan, no. Please. I shouldn’t- but maybe that is what I’m scared of. That you don’t really mean it. That your first response, your gut response, is truest. That maybe what happened was just another mistake.” She stopped. She needed to stop. But she couldn’t stay silent. It was too unnerving and too painful. “Roan? Why aren’t you saying anything?”

“I just… don’t know what to say.” He shook his head, and the worst part was the betrayal that flashed in his eyes. “I thought giving you my word was enough.’

“You gave me your word that you wouldn’t leave. We haven’t said that we’re going to be mates for real. And giving me your word that you won’t leave, doesn’t mean that you’d choose to come with me if I had to leave or wanted to go.”

“I thought that’s what it meant. I thought we were going to figure that out. Not rush so that we wouldn’t make another mistake. That I wouldn’t make another mistake. I thought that we’d have time because we were both okay with having time.”

“I’m okay with that. What I’m not okay with is not meaning enough to fight for.”

“You’ve always meant enough to fight for.”

She stepped down onto the grass and paced back and forth for a minute before she stopped and turned. She might as well be honest. They were already in too deep, letting their worst fears and insecurities do the talking for them. “I’m sorry but I have to take what happened differently.”

Roan blinked and then blinked again, like he hadn’t really heard her correctly. “It’s always going to be there, isn’t it? Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. The years might dull the bitterness, but they don’t make anything right.”

“That’s not what I mean. I haven’t put conditions on it.” She wiped her damp palms on her jeans. She was making such a mess of this.

“But it’s always going to stand between us. You’re never going to be able to trust me.”

“That’s not true. I do—”

“I think we should probably just call it a night and resume this conversation when we’re both in a better headspace. Are you still okay to watch the kids tomorrow, when I go to Seattle for supplies?”

The supply trip. Shit, she’d totally forgotten. They’d agreed that Roan would go. It was strange, his wanting to, because he almost never left Greenacre, but she’d thought that maybe he was trying to change. Open up. Whatever the reason, she’d trusted him when she’d said yes.

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