“I needed it. He was right about everything. Silver and the girls have made real attempts to heal, and I’ve just acted like a surly child. I’ve allowed anger to be everything. I allowed it long before the lab. I’ve been given things most people don’t get. Second and third and fourth chances. A family. Another clan. I’ve never allowed the peace and serenity of this place to soak in. I tried to keep it away from me. I stayed because the girls wanted to, but the truth is, maybe I was afraid to admit before that I want it as well. I’m afraid that if I let go of the anger I’ve been holding onto since I was a teenager, that I won’t know who I am.”
“After the clan broke up, I wasn’t sure who I was either. I always had Corbin, but it’s hard for any shifter to fully be who they are when they’re hiding that other part of themself. I don’t really know, but maybe if you embraced the other gifts you’ve been given, you’d have more say in what happens in your own body.” She smiled sheepishly. She shouldn’t be giving advice, when she didn’t know what she was talking about. “I think it would be pretty cool to fly.”
“It’s not.” He passed Honor the other half of the cookie when the fist banging got a little unruly. “I- err- maybe.”
“What are the others like?”
“The eagle I don’t like doing, maybe it’s the whole taking flight thing. But the mountain lion is alright. Takes almost no effort to shift into. His senses are out of control compared to the bears’. It’s hard to explain, but the flexibility and speed is wild. Same with the panther.”
“And the wolf?”
“Not as bad as everyone says, but he’s always hungry and furtive.”
“You should talk to Sebastian. Maybe he’d be willing to go out with you one night. Or is your wolf the lone kind?”
“I don’t even know.”
“This is the kind of thing that Corbin would be super interested in.” She watched Honor shyly. He grinned at her while he got cookie crumbs all over Roan’s lap, his shirt, his face, and his hands. “I’m interested too. If you ever wanted to try and…”
She wasn’t sure how to finish that, but he nodded. “The girls would be interested in hearing it too. They barely know anything, I tried to keep that part of what had been done to me secret. Before we went to Maine and came back, no one knew. I told Silver there. When we came back to Greenacre, she convinced me to tell the girls. They live with me and so they should know that things could get out of control. Like the owl.”
“They liked the owl. They’re very patient.”
“Any day that works for you then. Any time.”
She ignored her coffee, her chest welling up with all sorts of emotions. She didn’t want Roan to leave yet, or Honor, but she’d been sitting there for far too long. “I’ll let you know.”
Roan’s smile as he gathered up one very sticky baby made her temporarily forget to breathe. Roan probably thought he was the most dangerous when he was acting more like a feral beast than a human, but their truce and the new warmth in him was something she’d have to watch out for.
She’d fallen for him once and it hadn’t destroyed her, but it hadn’t worked out. Adolescent yearning was one thing, but she was an adult now, with a son to care for.
“This weekend?” she said, rising and starting to gather the things off the table because at least it kept her busy. “I could let you know.”
Her heart thudded wildly, eager to tear out of her and fling itself at him. Thankfully, he was already turning around, Honor tucked up against a shoulder, half trying to climb him, half grinning and waving cookie crumb hands all over the place. They both had a life and a family now, separate from each other.
She promised herself that he’d never notice what she shouldn’t even allow herself to feel. It was a promise for her, not a question for him.
Chapter 10
Roan
As hopeful as he was, it was hard not to brace himself for Corbin to tell him not to get ahead of himself, he wasn’t getting any father of the year awards anytime soon. So far, his son hadn’t been exactly welcoming, but he hadn’t actively signaled that he’d rather be polishing floors with his tongue than enduring his dad’s presence.
The girls lounged on an old woolen blanket. They took turns giving Honor airplane rides. He was into it and kept demanding more. It was a good thing there were two of them. Ora did most of the leg lifts and when she was clearly tired, Helena took over. They’d dressed for the woods, or more accurately, the bugs in the woods. They were all probably sweltering.
He was, but it was likely nerves and not the jeans and long-sleeved shirt combo that was doing him in.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to show you both which mushrooms are—”
Ora laughed. “No, Roan. I hate mushrooms.”
That was true. She did. Helena didn’t like them any better, though once in a while she humored him and tried what he brought home.
“Greens, then?”
“We like fiddleheads. Are there any of those around?”
Corbin lifted his head. He was further into the bush with his mom. “I think it’s the wrong season for those. They’re mostly gone by now.”