Tabitha scrambled upright, looking right at him.
The fear in her eyes immediately calmed and they even softened when she saw him sitting on his ass looking winded. She didn’t give him an accusing look like she thought he’d come out there to stalk her. It was even worse that when she started walking over, he half panicked and thrust himself up from the tree.
“Roan.”
Goddamn it, would hearing her say his name never fail to be thrilling?
“You’ve been avoiding us.”
She always was so direct and literal about everything, kind of like kids were. There was nothing childish about her. There hadn’t been since she was an actual kid. She’d grown up differently, completely, unlike his forced transition from child to adult after his parents died, but she was mature even as a ten-year-old.
“I haven’t.”
“You have. Don’t say that you’ve been busy. I know you have a baby, but you’ve very carefully not shown up anywhere we might be.” She cocked her head. “Why?”
He was probably glaring at her. Probably had his jaw open like an asshat too. He locked it down, grinding his teeth. “That should be obvious.”
“Because of what people might say? I didn’t think you cared about that. Besides. People always talk. So what? I don’t think anyone would be malicious here.”
“I don’t care about other people’s opinions.” The only yours, was left unspoken—and after seeing what a freak he was, he could only imagine that her already less than stellar opinion of him, now placed him somewhere below a mosquito.
“Yeah. I figured.” She switched the basket from her arm to her hand. He glanced in it and was amazed to see how many different kinds of mushrooms she’d collected. “You haven’t changed much in that way.” She looked down at the mushrooms too. Was she remembering how he’d been the one to teach her everything she knew about foraging? His parents were good at it. They taught him young. She’d always wanted to tag along when he wanted to go out and clear his head. She’d been so persistent. It was easier just to show her than to send her away. At least when she was looking for plants, she wasn’t chattering away. “Your son still needs you. That hasn’t changed either.”
He went to pick up his basket. It was already empty after he’d spilled everything out of it. He should be picking up the scattered mushrooms. It gave him something to do, turning around and rooting under the fallen tree, under splintery, sharp branches and into brambles and moss.
“I heard Silver and Domhnall took him under their wing. Silver is a good woman, and despite Domhnall’s rough start, he’s a good man. I approve of your choice.” He said that to a bunch of tree roots.
“She introduced herself to me, actually. All the women have. They’re really nice. Corbin just bonded with Domhnall because they both play video games. Domhnall is developing an app or something, and Corbin thinks that’s super cool. He’s techy, although he didn’t like his friends from the city knowing because they’d call him a geek.”
“Last time I checked, he still hates me.”
“He doesn’t. He’s cooled down. Don’t tell me you never said anything when you were a teenager that you wished you could take back. If you put the offer out there, I think he’d be grudgingly willing to take you up on it.”
“For what? A father son fishing trip up in the mountains?” He threw two mushrooms roughly into the basket. Picked up a bunch of wild lettuce from the moss. Found another mushroom tucked under a twisted downed branch.
“Uh- yeah. That’s a great idea.”
“No.”
“How about some bushcraft in the woods here then?”
“He learns that in school.”
“You could teach him about foraging. You were always the best.”
He jerked his head up and their gazes clashed. She was so eager, almost pleading. “I come out here because it makes my head quiet.” She knew that. She’d always known that. What she didn’t know was how noisy his head had been since leaving the lab, and how things had gotten worse since she arrived. Not that it was her fault, just him berating himself on a daily basis for fucking up. For being such a monumental fuck up. “You were better than I was in the end. You could easily teach him.”
“You taught me.”
“He’s finally settling in here. He’s probably happy. He doesn’t need me showing up and complicating things again.”
“He’s not mad anymore. We’ve talked a lot about… how things were done to you against your will.”
He swallowed, feeling the darkness just below the surface.
She continued, her voice soft and gentle, “Trying to control all those animals in one body is insane. How do you do it?”
“I barely do. That’s why I like the quiet. It calms things down inside of me.” He stomped around and found three more of his mushrooms.