Page 15 of Arrows

Robert grumbled, “Convenient,” and everyone adjusted the bewilderment that way. He explained, “For him. Not like anyone can verify that, can they? And, sorry, Van, you’ve only got his word for it. And he was busy seducing you.”

“That’s not what it was like—I mean it was, but—” But they weren’t listening; Van sighed, and said, to no one, “I believe him.”

Milo, watching his face, nudged an elbow into his arm. “I believe you.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

“Ignore the idiots.” Milo drew him out of the crowd, which had begun noisily speculating about what animals Lorre could turn into, in bed; Milo’s hands were steady and sure, and got Van back to their small simple shared tent, their straightforward bed-rolls.

No mountains of silk. No fresh strawberries. But Milo closed the tent-flap, blocking out the world with a shield of oiled canvas, and Van sat down hard, exhaustion slicing through his knees. And then he winced, because his backside remembered the night before.

Milo swore under his breath. “Lie down. What would help? Green mint salve, bandages, willow bark for the pain—”

“It’s all right.”

“He did hurt you. What can I do? What would feel good? I can try to shoot him in the prick. I’m good at long distances, with that bow. He’ll turn me into a newt, but I’ll try if you want. Or I can get you a physician. Or more tea, or whiskey, if that would—”

“No. None of that. I just…it’s just…it’s stupid.”

“No,” Milo said, and sat down with him, wrapped both arms around him, and held on tight. “Whatever it is, it’s not stupid.”

“I knew,” Van whispered, “it wouldn’t matter. I knew he wouldn’t—of course he wouldn’t think I was important.”

“You are important. You are, Van.”

“Not to him. I just thought—after the night, after everything—but he left, this morning—he didn’t even come to sleep next to me, after, he didn’t talk to me, I woke up and he was gone and I don’t think he knows my name—”

Milo made very many soothing noises, and held him, and rubbed his back, and Van fell apart for a while, not entirely full of tears, mostly overwhelmed and shaking with aftermath.

“I’m here,” Milo said, and, “I’m right here, I know you and I know your name, and I’m not going anywhere,” and, “He’s a fucking bastard, even if he is here to stop a war, and I seriously will try to shoot his prick off if you say so.” His hand stroked Van’s hair. His shoulders were firm and elemental and unshakable even with Van clinging to them. “If he can’t see how wonderful you are—if he doesn’t want to see it—he doesn’t deserve you. Everything you gave him. All of you.”

Van let his head rest on Milo’s shoulder. He could stay there. Safe. “It’s more complicated than that.”

“Not sure it is.”

“He doesn’t want to care because…because he’s used to being alone, I think. He doesn’t have anyone.”

“According to Thom, he’s had half the Court.”

“Maybe. But I think that’s about…I don’t know. Power. A place. Or not. I don’t think he’s found it.”

“What?”

“Whatever he needs. I know it’s not me. Not for more than this. I wish—but it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t need my help.”

“You deserve better.” Milo’s fingers slid through his hair again. “You deserve someone who wants you. Who doesn’t ever make you think you’re not important, because you are, you’re the best person I’ve ever met, the way you always want to help people, even if they’re selfish magical bastards who aren’t worth the fucking mud on your boots.”

Van tried to laugh and sob at once, which turned into a messy inelegant sort of snuffle against Milo’s shirt. “You’re always here when I need you. How are you so good at being here?”

“It’s you and it’s me,” Milo said, simply. “I’m where I’m supposed to be.”

Van felt the knot snarling his throat. He moved enough to swipe a hand across his face. “You volunteered. Like I did. For this. The army. But we’re not staying in. You’re going home after. Like I am.”

“Maybe I am. We’ll see.”

“Aren’t you? Your family farm, your brothers and sisters…”

“There’re six of them taking care of everything, and the farm’s doing fine. I’ll come back to visit, but they don’t need me.”

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