Page 59 of Follows with Intent

“I don’t know. That’s harsh, and honestly, that’s not Emery. I think he didn’t know. Or didn’t want to believe it. And we did talk about it, eventually. But the bottom line is that, for the second relationship in a row, I felt like I was going crazy. I’d meet these guys. I’d feel a connection. And then the whole world would turn inside out because no matter how much they liked how I look, they didn’t like me. Not as a person. And I—I’m tired of that. I don’t want that. I want the next guy to be someone who loves me for who I am.”

“And it’d be nice if you had some scholarly credentials,” Maya said with a hint of a smile, “to prove how good and worthy and valuable you are on the inside.”

“Okay, first of all, you don’t have to be such a bitch.”

Maya broke up laughing, and after a moment, Nico smiled too.

“How do you know he doesn’t like who you are on the inside?” Maya asked. “Jadon, I mean.”

Nico shrugged.

“That’s not good enough.”

“Oh my God. I don’t know, Maya. He bragged to his buddies about hooking up with an underwear model. I mean, I didn’t lure him into bed by talking about Christian existentialism.”

“So, you did hook up with him?”

Nico gave her a flat look.

“It wasn’t this bed, was it?”

“Thank you for your help, Dr. Freud. I’m fine now. You can go.”

“I’m serious. What makes you say he doesn’t value who you are as a person? Did he do something one of your exes did? Did he say something?”

“I told you about that conversation with Dr. Meza. It’s like I wasn’t even there; Jadon took over.”

Maya stared at him long enough to communicate what Nico took to be total disbelief in how stupid he was. “He’s a guy.”

“Right, but—”

“And a cop—”

“Okay, yes—”

“Of course he’s going to get all bristly and protective. And he definitely didn’t like that Dr. Meza was being such a creep.”

“He said it was stupid, arguing about old books. That I was wasting my time.”

“After you riled him up.”

Nico opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

“Look,” Maya said, “I don’t know the guy. Maybe he’s a superficial jerk, like you say. But I haven’t heard anything that sounds like that’s the case.”

Shutting his mouth slowly, Nico tried to think. Yes, in the argument, Jadon had been dismissive of Nico’s work. But had that been true more generally? He thought about Jadon’s insistence that Nico finish his paper. How Jadon had snuck food into the library so Nico could keep working. How Jadon had asked about Kierkegaard and kept asking, wanting to know. And how he had listened. How he had remembered. He thought about how Jadon had changed the location of their first meal because he’d noticed Nico was interested in the Walk of Fame, how he’d wanted to give Nico another piece of history.

Maya was looking annoyingly smug.

“I don’t like you,” Nico told her.

She smirked. “Of course you don’t. You love me. Now get dressed. We’re going to dinner, the two of us.”

On the verge of saying yes, Nico stopped himself. “Actually,” he said slowly, “I think I’ve already got plans. A Halloween party.”

“With a certain detective?”

“Maybe. I don’t know.” Even to him, Nico’s grin felt sheepish. “I hope so.”

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