Page 66 of Knot My Only Fan

The sidewalk is crispy underfoot as the last of the recent icy weather begins its slow thaw to Spring, but despite the chilly weather, Grace is determined to take a walk in order to quell the waves of nausea threatening to turn into a full-blown tsunami of vomit.

“How do you know Lucas?” I ask, taking her hand and stroking my thumb over her palm, trying to soothe her as we walk in the cold.

“You don’t have to pretend out here. He isn’t following us,” she says, her voice shaky, like she’s holding back a sob.

I refuse to drop it, and she doesn’t know it yet, but I’m never letting go.

She soon will.

“Are you going to tell me about you and Lucas?”

“I’m surprised it’s not locker room talk,” she quips.

I shake my head. “He’s a closed book. He never picks up puck bunnies, hardly ever drinks with us after a game. He keeps to himself.”

“Really?” One word, but it means so much more to her. She turns and looks at me. “He was my number one subscriber on BetaFans. He gave the most generous tips.” She hesitates for a moment before saying, “He’s the only fan I felt a connection to.” She shrugs her shoulders. “I just liked him from the beginning.”

“When you thought you were a beta?”

She nods. “Yeah.” She exhales. Her warm breath creates a visible cloud that blends with the briskness of the street.

She shivers, dragging my suit jacket tighter around her body.

“You’re cold. Are you sure we can’t get a cab?” I ask, wrapping my arm around her shoulder and holding her against my side. A wave of longing surges through my body, a sharp reminder of how much time has passed since her heat. It’s been seven long weeks since I’ve touched her, and I’m not letting her go ever again.

“I need the fresh air,” she says.

I laugh. “This is New York. The air is far from fresh.”

Grace looks up at me, a soft smile lifting on her lips. “I’m enjoying the walk and the company.”

“Me too. Come closer. Lean on me and I’ll keep you warm,” I say as I breathe her in.

We walk in silence until she sights her hotel up ahead. “Nearly there.”

With each beat, my heart reminds me of how imminent our farewell is. I can’t do it again. I need her close to me. I need to feel the heat of her skin against mine.

“What do you want from Lucas?” I ask. I also need to know she won’t change her mind about the arrangement we agreed on.

Like I just popped her world. Her shoulders sag and she lets out a tiny whine. “I don’t know.”

I step in front of her and stop her from going any further. “I promise I won’t turn into a crazed alpha if you promise to give me a chance to make it better for you.”

She smiles lightly. It’s beautiful and lands perfectly in her eyes. “You won’t make a fool out of me, will you?” she whispers and clears her throat. “I know it’s fake, but you’re… you know… you’re the big hockey player and I’m just me.”

It breaks my heart that she has such low self-esteem.

My heart thumps wildly just looking at her. I tilt her chin in the air so she is staring into my eyes. “You’re not ‘just me,’ you’re perfect and there’s no other woman, omega or not, I’d prefer to be with.” I swallow down the bile my next words cause. “Fake or not.”

“Well, that’s a good start. So you won’t mess around behind my back?” She laughs nervously as her face looks heavenward. “What on earth am I saying?” She clears her throat. “You know what I mean? All I ask is if we’re doing this, will you just be discreet about it if you do?”

I grit my teeth, but a low growl still escapes from my throat. She flinches and takes a step back, her eyes darting nervously around the street.

I steady my shaking hands, take a slow inhale, and force my expression into a calm smile. I don’t want to frighten her off when I’m so close.

“This needs to look real,” I say, pointing between us. “I want it to look real. So there won’t be anything for you to worry about.”

“But…”

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