Page 20 of Knot My Only Fan

I need to sleep it off.

I pull out the thermometer from my mouth and check my temperature, shuddering, knowing I’m getting so close to a full heat. The way it’s been rising, I expect I’m only three days away from starting, maybe less.

I’m over this heat.

I’m over the ache in my gut that is turning into throbbing pain. I’ve noticed it on and off, but it was never bad enough for me to worry about.

Not tonight.

Fuck! I don’t feel well.

I need to cool down.

After turning the lever on the shower, I shrug off my clothes and step inside. The chill of the water gives me instant relief, but I can’t live under the shower, but I can stand in it until the heat dissipates.

When my body cools down, I turn off the shower, dry my body and get into my cozy but cluttered bed. It’s starting to resemble a table at a thrift store because Mom keeps bringing me different types of blankets; lots of fabrics, from pure cotton, some wool, to a beautiful cashmere throw. And every time she watches as I test the fabric against my skin.

“Do you want more of that material for your nest?” she’d say.

“I don’t want a nest. It’s my bed,” I’d argue.

After this heat disappears, I won’t need a messy bed—or a nest, ever again.

But I’ll keep hold of the cashmere throw because as time goes on I like the fabric more than anything else. It’s not about being an omega. I know I’ll like it when I’m a beta again. It’s the one item I like to rub over my skin, but I hate the little purrs that fall out of my mouth. I feel like a kitten, not an omega, right now.

As I cocoon myself in all the other items, including the cashmere throw to cuddle because it helps me to sleep, a deep throb rolls in my gut. I groan, sounding more like a lion than the kitten before.

“Are you okay? Can I get you anything?” Bardot asks at my bedroom door.

“This is hell. Alphas are the devil and that’s why they call it being in heat.”

She walks into my room and sits on my bed. “Mom’s found a Heat Hotel in Manhattan. It’s got availability and there’s a hotel opposite. I’ll come with you. We can check out the heat rooms, find out what happens, and if you’re happy with it. We can book you in.”

“Is there nowhere closer to home?”

“No, we’ve looked. There’s a few in New York and because of that availability is easier. Plus, it’s the one Ella found when she was thinking about going to a heat room.”

I sigh. “Thank you. Can we talk about it tomorrow? I need to sleep.”

“You can’t pretend it isn’t happening. Your body is telling you it’s ready.” She smiles. “And once it’s over, you can go back to how you were before.”

A beta.

I nod, holding the cashmere throw tightly as I roll over on my bed, and the first thing I see is the knotting toy on my bedside table.

Maybe I don’t need anyone—I can fuck myself.

But I’ll book myself into the smallest hotel room opposite the Heat Hotel just in case my idea doesn’t go according to plan.

I smile to myself. That’s all I need. A vibrator or two, my cozy blanket and the knowledge I can quickly get to the heat hotel if I need it.

“Goodnight Grace,” Bardot says.

I quickly turn around as she reaches my bedroom door. “Book the hotel for tomorrow.”

I’ve heard what omegas go through in their heat, and there’s no way I’m going through it at home. I don’t want my mom and sisters to hear any of those sounds.

“Will do.” She smiles. “It’ll be over soon.”

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