Page 140 of Succumbed

He nods. “Your guys want to stick around for good, I take it.”

Swallowing to give myself a moment, I look down at the paper towel in my hands. I pick off a corner, worrying the stiff material until it goes soft.

“Shane told me he loved me today.”

Jax grins. “He’s a straight shooter, that one. I like him.”

“I do, too.” The pile of power towel pieces grows before me.

“You don’t feel the same?”

“I…fuck.” Dragging a hand down my face, I lean my head back and stared at the ceiling. “I don’t know.”

“Don’t lie to me, yeah?” Jax’s voice is gentle but firm.

“You and Ruby should be friends,” I huff, looking away from his earnest gaze. “You’re the only people on the planet who can read me like a book.”

The ghost of a smile crosses his mouth. “We aren’t talking about me, Lexi.”

“Fine. I…I’ve never been in love before. The way I feel about Shane, though…I can’t describe it.”

“What do you feel when you’re with him?”

I pick at the paper towel, heat in the corners of my eyes. “Seen. Cherished.” A ragged breath shudders through me. “Safe. He makes me feel both untouchable and powerful, like he can give me this shot of confidence while also clearing away anything trying to hurt me. Even when it’s me doing the hurting.”

Glancing up at Jax, I blink in surprise to find his eyes swimming with tears.

“Sounds like love,” he rasps with a laugh.

“It does, doesn’t it?” I murmur, sniffling. “Which is confusing, Jax, because it’s nothing like how I feel with Linc or Declan.”

Jax snags a tissue from the box on the island. “Do them next. Start with Linc; he’s wicked on a surfboard.”

“That doesn’t surprise me.” Taking a moment to consider the question, I smile. “Linc’s…god, he’s fun personified. I’ve never laughed so much with another human, ever. And while Shane keeps me safe, Linc makes me feel like I can do anything, like no dream is out of reach. He’s playful and thoughtful and kind.”

I laugh wetly, surprised by the tears on my cheeks. “We have entire conversations with little looks and glances when we run.”

My breath catches and my eyes squeeze shut, my voice dropping to a whisper. “He’s the first person I’ve let myself be truly vulnerable with. I…I don’t know if I ever fully trusted another person before him.”

“Fuck, Lexi, why are you here in this kitchen with me?” Jax gasps. “You should be with the guys you love.”

“Is that love?” I ask him, voice shaky.

Dabbing his eyes, he turns to me and grips my hand. “You know what I’ve learned about love?”

“Tell me.”

He smiles. “Love is a choice, Lex. One you make every day. There’s lust and passion wrapped up in it, but ultimately it’s you deciding you’re willing to give yourself to someone, to put them first, regardless of what you get in return.”

He looks down, breathing deep. “People call it falling in love, right? I think it’s more like taking a swan dive without knowing what’s beneath you. It’s crazy and could definitely go sideways in a heartbeat, but you climb that cliff and dive into the abyss every day anyway.”

“It’s a choice,” I whisper.

“Yeah, Lexi. It doesn’t just happen. Love is something you weigh, consider, and decide.”

“I’m pretty good at decision-making.” My lips lift through my tears.

He chuckles. “I know you are.”

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