Me: We go back to reality today
Me: Time’s up
Roo: do you want it to be?
I can’t answer her. Okay, I can, but I don’t want to. Admitting it out loud, or in text, is too much.
Me: I don’t know how to handle the alternative
Cass: oh, lexi
I send a thumbs down reaction. That fucking nickname is going to haunt me forever.
Roo: you’re capable of a long-term relationship, lex
Roo: a healthy one, even
Roo: promise
Exhaling a slow, shuddering breath, I lock my phone and turn it face down on the counter. As much as I value Ruby’s insights–and fear her preternatural powers of deduction–I’m too raw to process her message.
Seeing my father the night before took more out of me than I thought it would. Shane had praised me when we’d gotten back to the hotel, had kissed me all over as he whispered sweet nothings about my strength and power. In his hands, naked and kneeling, I’d felt it.
In front of my father as he’d done his best to reduce me to nothing, I’d felt anything but. All the therapy in the world couldn’t eliminate the last remnants of the little girl who desperately sought her father’s approval. When I was small, I thought Reginald Nicholas Livingston hung the moon, sun, and stars, all for me. As a grown woman, I know the only thing he’s ever given me is my name.
“Alexandra Regina Livingston,” I murmur, staring at myself in the mirror. “Look how far you’ve come.”
Even though he refused me as his heir, shunned me from his business, my father had still saddled me with an ode to himself. As a young entrepreneur, I’d abhorred him and the injustice of his actions, his misogynistic preference for my younger brother. After years of forging my own path, I felt neutral about him more often than not, but I’d be a lying fool if I claimed his words and actions had no impact.
Long-term relationships lead to families, and–in my experience–families are nothing more than inescapable pain and disappointment. I don’t want more of that hurt, and I can’t imagine subjecting Linc, Shane, or Declan to it, either.
Discarding the dour thoughts, I flip on the shower. I have a few hours to get ready and check my email, perhaps make myself a coffee, before I bundle the guys and our luggage into a car.
As I step under the warm spray, I resolve to keep my insecurities to myself. The three men in my suite have an incredibly bright future ahead of them, and a long, busy road to get there. Today marks the first day of a new chapter for Solum, and for them. I won’t let myself sully it.
“Man, Lex, you’ve ruined me.”
I glance over at Linc in surprise, a smile crossing my lips in response to his ready grin. “Do tell.”
He spreads his arms wide, settling back into the plush leather seat. “This jet is ridiculous. Flying commercial will feel like torture now.”
“Hm. I might have a few ideas on how to solve that problem.”
“Solum will never have a private jet,” Declan interjects. “Commercial is better for the environment.”
His eyes meet mine across the small table between us, his brows drawn. He’s been brooding all morning, stealing glances at me without saying a word.
“Air travel in general isn’t very eco-friendly,” Shane points out.
As Declan opens his mouth to launch into what will, no doubt, be a spirited debate, I raise my hand. “As much as I’d love to hear your opinions on the matter, we have some business-related topics we should cover. Our opportunities to discuss them as a full group will be…limited, moving forward.”
I suddenly have three pairs of eyes on me. Linc’s warm amber ones are reserved, almost anxious. Reaching out, I squeeze his hand briefly in mine.
“When we get back, I’ll have a formal handoff meeting with Parker to bring him up to speed. As we discussed back in February, he’ll handle your account moving forward.”
“We’ll still see you, though,” Linc insists. “At Athena, and…around.”
“Of course you will.” I swallow, choosing my next words carefully. “I hope you’ll stop by when you come to the office to meet with Parker.”