Page 62 of Love Him Like Water

“Silly. Yeah, that’s one way to put it. Don’t get me wrong, Renzo is that guy. The one who saves girls on the street. It’s part of his rules since he took over. We protect the girls around here as best we can. But it was wrong to mistake a moral code with a kind or lovable man.” She looked at me then, and I felt like she saw far too much. “But you do love him, don’t you?”

I wanted to say no.

But it felt good to have someone, anyone, to confess to.

And although I had nothing to actually back this up, I felt like I could trust Cinna not to share it with anyone else.

“Yeah.”

“What a choice,” she said, shaking her head.

“He’s not… cruel to me.”

“No,” she agreed. “But he’s never around, is he? And he doesn’t… he doesn’t know how to be a good husband, kid. He had a shitty-ass old man. Never dated anyone seriously in his life. He has no fucking idea how to be a partner to someone. Let alone someone who loves him.”

I didn’t know first-hand about Renzo Lombardi. But I’d heard through the grapevine that his father had been a monster. That didn’t surprise me. A lot of the Costa fathers had been awful too. My brothers and I had been the lucky ones, with a loving father who took amazing care of us even after our mom died.

“I’m just worried about you,” Cinna said. “Sitting here, no husband, no friends, no family, no… nothing.”

She got it.

She saw it all.

And, God, it felt so good to be seen.

“I don’t know. I think I might have a friend,” I said, giving her a slight smile as the split tugged at my lip, preventing me from letting it spread, or I might rip it open again.

“Who? Me?” Cinna said, letting out a short cough of a laugh. “You don’t want me as a friend.”

“Why not?”

“Because I can be a real asshole.”

“But you’re honest,” I said, shrugging. “I think maybe that might be a good thing for me to have while I… figure things out.”

“I am honest. To a fault a lot of the time,” she agreed.

“I think maybe you could use a friend too,” I said, sensing that someone with walls like hers would never feel comfortable enough really letting people in the organization in. Not even Dav. Though, that didn’t seem to be from lack of trying.

“I’m not a ‘go get a pedicure and brunch’ kind of woman.”

“Me either,” I agreed. “My feet are ticklish,” I added, getting a little laugh out of the severe woman.

“Fine,” Cinna said, nodding. “We can be friends.”

“Can I have your number then?” I asked, proud of how forward I was being. There was just something about Cinna that kind of reminded me, well, of the men in my family. Who were closed off and emotionally inarticulate as well. “In case I have any questions about, you know, the family or the neighborhood.”

“Sure,” she said, reaching for her own phone to take my number as I found mine. “I should probably, as his capo, suggest you ask your husband,” Cinna said. “But, well…” she went on, waving out.

“Yeah,” I agreed, feeling good at having the number for someone in this organization in my phone. Even as my heart sank, realizing I didn’t have Renzo’s number.

“You want me to get you anything?” she asked.

“I’m okay,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m just going to take some acetaminophen and try to go back to sleep.”

“Alright. I’m downstairs if you need me,” she said, then was gone.

I didn’t, in fact, go back to sleep.

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