Page 88 of Love Him Like Water

I wasn’t going to let those thoughts win. Not when I finally found something to be excited about, something to focus my restless energy on.

And after Thanksgiving, I could decorate for Christmas. Buy gifts for my old family. And my new one. And maybe plan another meal for everyone to attend. Or, at least, a little Christmas party with hors d'oeuvre and drinks. That seemed right up this family’s alley.

My shoulders were looser and my soul lighter as I stepped out of the coffee shop with the frozen coffees in my hand.

I was already imagining going home to hop online and start looking up Thanksgiving table scapes.

It was right then, like fate shining down on me, telling me I was on the right path, when I saw a familiar frame just a few doors down.

There were a few of his men in front of him, disappearing into a building, bodies tense.

But I barely even noticed them.

I was laser focused on Renzo, on the way this felt so serendipitous.

“Renzo!” I called, rushing down the street before I could lose him. “Renzo!” I called again, watching him turn toward the sound of my voice.

I was too wrapped up in my own excitement right then, shooting him a big smile, to pay attention to his reaction to me.

“Hey!” I said, getting closer. “This is so funny. I was just thinking that I needed to talk to you about something,” I said as I finally stood in front of him.

A loud crash came from inside the building Renzo was standing in the doorway of, making Renzo tense.

“Not now,” he said, his voice firm.

But I was too wrapped up in my excitement for the future to pay attention.

“It will just take a min—“ I started as another clamor came from inside.

“I said not now,” Renzo barked, voice harder than I’d ever heard it. “Go home,” he snapped, then turned and disappeared into the building.

Leaving me standing on the sidewalk.

Scolded like a child.

He’d never used a tone of voice like that with me.

It was like a slap in the face.

No.

No, it was worse than that.

It was like he’d blown out the light inside of me.

The one that I’d been struggling to keep flickering for weeks.

And all that was left was a bottomless darkness.

Swallowing me up.

I stood there longer than my pride would let me admit.

Before I found myself turning, walking on stiff legs to the corner, each step feeling weighted and clumsy.

I could see the apartment a few blocks over, familiar, even starting to feel like home.

Inside, I would find Elian sitting there waiting for his coffee. I would have to put on a brave face and walk inside and try to act like things were okay.

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