Page 42 of Love Him Like Water

To that, Elian winced, but he didn’t contradict me.

“You gotta remember to eat,” he said.

There were a lot of things I needed to start doing if I wanted this to work. And it had to. Because there was no changing my fate now.

“Yeah,” I agreed. “You don’t need to order me breakfast today, though. I’ll pick something up when I go out.”

With that, I took my awful coffee upstairs with me while I got myself dressed. By the time I walked out of the apartment building, I felt like I was walking a little taller as I grabbed a good coffee and a muffin, then went in search of something that would be appropriate for the party.

From what I’d seen when I’d peeked out, the parties were casual. Even the women gathered around were usually in jeans. But their looks had a harder edge to them. Tight, black pants, tees, and leather jackets. Everything in black.

Dipping into a store that seemed to have items to fit that edgy style, I picked out a pair of tight black jeans.

“What are you trying to project?” the saleswoman asked, sensing my rising panic as I blanked at what to buy after picking out the pants.

“I want to look put together. But not like I’m trying to,” I told her. Then was quick to add, “And that I’m not scared.”

If she thought there was anything weird about that, she didn’t show it as she helped me pick out a warm black sweater that was cropped and would reveal a little sliver of belly skin when I put it on.

“It’s a power move to show a little skin,” she insisted. “Without making it look like you’re showing skin,” she added, taking the shirt with us to the counter to check out.

Armed with my new outfit, I made my way back home, finding Elian gone. The guard at the door was one I’d never seen before, and he barely gave me a glance before standing to plug the code into the door.

This time, I paid attention, realizing that was something I might want to know.

The guard didn’t greet me, and I swore I could feel annoyance oozing off of him as I moved past.

I shook that off, though, as I walked into the clean apartment. Someone had even been in to strip and re-make the bed.

I wondered if it had all been Elian. Or if there was some sort of designated mafia cleaning person as I set up my new outfit, then laid out my makeup on the sink counter before taking a long ‘everything’ shower, wanting to wash away any feelings of uncertainty and insecurity.

I’d just finished drying my hair when I heard Renzo come home, talking to someone else. Maybe that hostile guard.

I forced my focus back to myself, slathering on some concealer to hide the smudges under my eyes, applying some mascara and light liner, and finally putting on a bolder lip than I would normally dare to.

The sounds below me grew louder as I finally climbed into my uniform for the night.

That was what it was, too.

A uniform.

For a part I was playing.

Disconnecting myself seemed to help chase away the flutters of insecurity.

As I stepped back to look at myself, I really didn’t even see myself anymore. I looked a little older, more confident. I looked like someone who belonged at Renzo’s side.

I slipped my feet into a pair of ballet flats, took a few deep breaths, then opened the bedroom door, walking out onto the balcony.

No one seemed to notice me for a long moment.

And it was, of course, Elian, who placed me first, shooting me a nod and a small smile as I got to the top landing.

As soon as I started to descend, though, people seemed to notice.

Heads turned, making my steps falter as that little voice in my head told me to turn around, to run back to the safety of my room.

But I forced my legs to keep moving, to take me further down the steps, despite most of the gazes in the room glancing at me.

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