Page 48 of When Sky Breaks

“You can’t be spending all that money on alcohol.”

“I can if I want to.” Her defiance mimics that of a toddler. It’s like I’ve turned into the parent.

I flex my jaw but refuse to give her the bottle. “This won’t bring him back.”

Her eyes flutter shut as she takes a drag of her cigarette, holding in the smoke for a breath before blowing it out the side of her mouth. “What do you know about losing someone you were in love with?” she slurs, slumping into the couch cushions.

Her words sting, and I rub at my chest with my free hand. If she had been anything like the mother she should’ve been, she would know just how wrong she is.

I’ve loved and lost and have also fallen deep into a dark hole. I almost didn’t make it out.

Her grief differs from mine, but it’s grief all the same. I may not feel the death of my father as much as she does, but losing Sky by my hand has never loosened its grip on me. She may be alive, but she’s so far out of my reach it might as well be hell on earth. While I should be grateful she’s moved on, seeing Johnny with Sky guts me.

I swallow my harsh retort knowing it won’t do a damn thing. “He wouldn’t want you drinking yourself to death, that’s for sure.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure. I’ll stop eventually.” She opens her bleary eyes. “Don’t pretend to care about me now, Auggy. I know I was a shitty mother to you. Still am. Just look at me. I’m a mess. My grown-ass son is trying to take care of me but would rather be anywhere but here.”

My back stiffens, and I’m at a loss for words. What can I say? She’s drunk and won’t remember half of this conversation in the morning.

“Just go.” With a lazy wave of her hand, she dismisses me, and her eyes close again. “I’m sure you got somewhere else to be, Mr. Hotshot.”

She wasn’t always this callous, this unfeeling. Even when I was younger, between her and my dad, she at least made some attempts to be warm. My dad dying appears to have taken all of that away.

It’s only been four months since he had a heart attack, and I still don’t feel the void. It’s a weird space to inhabit. Knowing your father is dead, but you don’t feel the absence.

Kent Moore was a rigid man through and through. Harsh on me, harsh on his body, and it finally caught up to him one night. He never woke up.

I fix my gaze on my mom dozing. At least she remembered to put out her cigarette, the butt sending hazy smoke into the already thick air. Crossing the room, I crack open the sliding patio door. There’s a threadbare blanket I place over her bony shoulders and tuck her in tight like I imagined I would’ve liked done to me.

“I may not know exactly what you feel, but it’s pretty close,” I say, knowing she’s passed out and can’t hear me.

I stay and clean her apartment as best I can before I check the time.

Shit. I’m late.

Nervous energy makes me twitchy.

Sky probably won’t be there, likely with her doctor boyfriend. Grabbing the bag full of trash, I heave out an annoyed sigh and leave, locking the bottom lock of the door behind me.

Once I’m outside in the fresh air, I take a deep breath, hoping it cleanses me, if nothing else, rids me of the smoke smell on my clothes. It doesn’t do anything except remind me that although I’m trying, it’s never going to be enough for Sky to forgive me.

But maybe what I’m doing will be enough for everyone else.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

sky

“Thanks, baby girl, but I can get through the door by myself.” Foster gives me a tired smile as he pulls open the front door.

We hang our jackets on the hooks in the hall, and I refrain from helping him. It was just a routine doctor visit to make sure everything is going the way it’s supposed to, but the trip wore him out.

He scratches his chin before shuffling through the living room and to the kitchen. “I’m fine, I promise. I’ll go rest in a few minutes.”

I follow him anyway and grab myself a drink of water from the filter in the fridge while he takes a sip of the ginger ale he left on the counter this morning. “Sorry. I just hate seeing you so sick, but I’ll try to remember you got this.”

“That’s my girl.” He winks, and that alone makes me feel better.

Since Trek is gone for a few days with a work thing, it’s just me here with Foster, and I’m trying not to spend it hovering. Which means I’m left with not a lot to do except think about my current situation.

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