Page 20 of Courageous Demands

Emotionally frazzled… check, check, check – and ding-ding. We have a winner! He was short-circuiting, falling apart, and felt himself collapsing mentally into a messy pile of smoked Jell-O.

Yup, time to skedaddle.

“I’ve gotta go,” Alec offered up once more, walking shakily out the front door without looking back. He strode boldly across the grass, heading for the ‘Big Red’ refuge ahead, and he hated how close he was to breaking down. Climbing into the truck, he didn’t even look at their questioning faces.

“Cookies?”

“Yo, bro? She gave you cookies?”

“Are you okay?” Colton asked quietly – and Alec shook his head ‘no,’ yanking a box of Samoas out of the bag. He shoved the rest of the bag holding the boxes at Lance, who looked utterly shocked at being the unknowing recipient of such a bounty.

Alec ripped his own box open, yanked out the cellophane tray, and shoved two of the cookies in his mouth with zero hesitation. There was silence in the truck. He could feel their eyes on him, but nothing was going to make him talk right now. No, currently, he was going to gobble some ‘comfort’ and then have the twitches for hours while he surfed the wave of sugar spiking in his veins.

“Alec?”

“Nuh-uh,” he mumbled, spraying crumbs, and shoved another cookie in his mouth childishly to prevent having a discussion with anyone. Several of the guys chuckled, and he heard them opening their boxes, too, as the truck started lumbering forward.

Alec put his forehead against the window glass… chewing.

* * *

Hours later, Alec was still thinking, stewing, and grumbling deep down within his soul. The cookies were nice. He did feel better after his shower, a workout, and a heavy nap… but nothing seemed to make him feel relief. Something was ‘off’ in his gut, and he felt it with every fiber of his being.

At first, he thought he was hungry, but halfway into a sandwich, he put it down and stared at his plate, dismayed. A part of him wondered if he was going to end up with some intestinal issue – and took his phone to go sit on the toilet until his legs were numb and his phone was at forty percent charge, hiding away from the world. It wasn’t until he passed the rec room where several of the guys were lounging around in the evening watching television until their next call when he heard Willow’s voice on a commercial.

He cursed under his breath.

Willow had gotten to him… badly. It wasn’t just the cookies, the satin outfit she’d had on, or the look in her eyes. It was what she said that had hit him hard. She wasn’t pushing him, ordering him about, or telling him what to do, but asking him to meet her halfway… to give her a chance.

Give them a chance.

He bit out an angry word again under his breath and stalked off hotly. No, he needed to sleep, let time pass, and give himself distance because it was all too raw in his turbulent mind right now. If he held a conversation with her right now, it was going to go downhill fast and despite those thoughts, he was already texting her.

You know, you hurt me.

We were a couple and should have been able to talk.

I’d like to talk now – and yes. I ran.

Were you expecting me to chase you down and beg you to take me back? Was this some sort of mental game that I failed at?

No – never. Why don’t we meet up and talk over coffee or dinner?

I shouldn’t have texted.

I’m glad you did, though – even if it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I would rather have your frustration and anger than your silence.

I’m mad.

You can’t just show up and destroy my safety net I built around my life. You are wrecking my brain, and that’s dangerous for a firefighter. Would you be happy if I did something stupid and got myself killed?

I would be destroyed.

Alec stared at the screen which was trembling from his shaking hands. He wanted so much to believe her and was terrified. The idea of opening himself up to her again made him vulnerable. He would rather face a five-alarm fire with low water pressure than have her rip his soul to shreds again.

Do you still like lasagna?

I could make a pan, we could stuff ourselves, and just talk.

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