Page 104 of Knot Her Reality

“The both of you are trouble,” I finally say before focusing back on my food.

“You look a lot less tense,” Koda notes. “That was an excellent idea, babe.”

Ignoring him, I focus on my food, grateful that my dark skin hides the blush creeping up my neck. They both seem to get the hint that I don’t want to talk about it, and we eat in a comfortable silence.

Once I’m full, I push away my plate to see both omegas staring at me. “What? Do I have something on my face?”

“No, alpha. We were just waiting for you to be done so you would pay us more attention.” Koda winks as he leans back in his chair.

“I was hungry,” I grunt, frowning.

Evangeline reaches over and takes my hand in her much smaller one, intertwining our fingers. “Don’t mind him. Koda likes to be the center of attention.”

He sticks his tongue out at her and rolls his eyes. “We both like to be the center of attention. It’s an omega thing. But seriously, I feel like we haven’t gotten a chance to get to know you well enough yet. You’re always so broody and growly, never talking.”

“I am not broody and growly,” I growl before realizing what I did and frowning. “Okay, I’m not broody. I just don’t talk much.”

“You talk just the right amount,” Evangeline encourages me. “Koda really is just messing with you.”

I shake my head. “Keep it up and you’ll end up with a red ass.”

“I thought we already agreed that would be fun?” Koda offers as a smirk slides across his face. “If you keep mentioning it without following through, I’m going to start thinking you’re a tease.”

I’m surprised by his words, yet I don’t know why. Out of the two of them, Koda is definitely the flirt. My head is just having a hard time computing this. I know Tessa shared their bed just a few nights ago, and it’s clear that they’re keeping one another satisfied. Why are they coming on so strongly to me?

I’m not the hottest alpha here—that’s an honor that goes to Tessa and Ronan, who I know they’ve both slept with. Not that I’m judging them. They should sleep with anyone they want to. I just don’t know why they would want me—which is a me problem, not a them problem.

This isn’t the first time in my life I’ve dealt with self-doubt. It’s something I’ve dealt with more than I should. I know I’m attractive, and I look like the typical alpha, which is attractive to a lot of people. But the reason I’m still single at the age of forty is because I can find people to sleep with me but not to love me. I don’t want just sex with these little omegas. I want to be a part of the pack they’re building. I want someone to love and take care of, someone I can provide for. I would love nothing more than to do that to these two before me, but what if they’re only looking for a quick fuck and knot?

I don’t think I can deal with that.

We might not have known one another long, but there’s something about being stuck in a house with the same people day after day that makes it seem like it’s been longer. At this point, I could see being a part of a pack with all the remaining suitors. I can even see there being something more than friendship with a few of the others—and that’s without acknowledging the omegas I’m on a date with right now.

“What has you so lost in thought?” Evangeline asks, a frown marring her face, and I hate that I’m the one who put it there.

“I just—“ I break off, shaking my head. “Being here is hard, you know? Like, we’re all getting to know one another, and the goal is to leave here as part of your pack. But not everyone will. I’d be devastated if I got sent home at this point in time, and the blowjob is the first thing that’s happened between us sexually. I’m afraid of what would happen if I slept with you and then you decided I wasn’t what you wanted. I’ve always been enough for others to have sex with but never more than that. I don’t want to be just sex to the two of you.”

Not wanting to see the looks on their faces, I duck my head. I hadn’t meant to spill out everything I was thinking, but it’s like the moment I started talking, I couldn’t stop. Now I’m almost afraid to know what they’re thinking. That was very unalpha-like of me.

“I’m sure you’re not the only one who has had those thoughts,” Evangeline says gently just before her fingers catch under my chin, lifting it until I meet her eyes. “We don’t have to do anything more than what we just did, but I can tell you that it’s more than sex we want you for, Conrad. We had every intention of inviting you back to the suite tonight, but if you’re not comfortable with that, we can wait.”

Koda clears his throat, drawing my attention to him. “I’m sorry for all the blatant flirting. You’re just too damn sexy for your own good. Plus, I think bonding with Evangeline did something to my hormones. It seems I’m completely out of whack since then, always thinking about sex.”

I shake my head, reaching out to squeeze his hand. “You have nothing to apologize for. I like that you flirt. It’s just hard for me to get out of my head. I like the two of you, and I’m not averse to the idea of us having sex, it’s just…”

“That you’re afraid we’ll sleep with you and then reject you.” Evangeline nods. “Well, I have an idea. How about instead of inviting you back to the suite for sex, we invite you back for a movie and cuddles instead? If something more happens, that’ll be up to you.”

Glancing between the two of them, I consider my options. I definitely don’t want to say no. I want to spend more time with both of them. I’d love to watch a movie and cuddle, but I know if I go back to the suite, we’re most likely going to sleep together. But if I tell them no, will that ruin my chances with them? I just don’t know what to do.

“Hey, Conrad,” Koda says gently, squeezing my hand that never released his. “Whatever is going on inside your head, let it go. I promise you that if all you want to do is watch a movie and cuddle, that’s all we’ll do. I happen to love cuddles—just ask Evangeline.”

“He really does, and so do I. Please, Conrad. I’d say we could watch a movie in the theater but I know the others are up there tonight since we were going to be down here.”

Shaking my head, I realize I need to get the hell out of my head. Just because we want to sleep together doesn’t mean we have to. We’re all more than our designations, and I want to cuddle the two of them. I want to show them I’m good for something more than sex—though I am very good at that, and will happily show them that at a later date. Maybe when we bond. Would that be weird? To not sleep with them until we bond?

I don’t know, but I like the sound of it.

Having made that decision, I smile. “I think I’d like that. Thank you both for understanding. I know it might seem like a weird thing given the day and age we live in, and our designations—“

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