Page 33 of Fighting the Odds

Fuck, I can’t deal with him now.

Wes: …….

Me: Can’t talk right now. But we do need to talk about Sierra

Wes: tomorrow

Me: fine

No matter what he tells me, nothing would justify him making a false allegation against Sierra. Him calling CPS and getting her and Sam placed in the system is the worst thing he could have ever done. There is no excuse.

There’s a knock on my door, and as it cracks open, Braxton pops his head in.

“Have you messaged her or are you being a chickenshit?”

“Bak Bak.” I flap my arms.

“Haha. Cute. Now send her the video. Don’t forget to include an apology. Zander promised her a picture, so I don’t want her to think he lied.” He closes the door behind him and I’m once again left alone with my thoughts.

Sitting down on the side of my bed, I reach over and pick up my pillow, putting it over my face and screaming. God, I feel like a wuss. Why is one simple message causing so much anxiety?

Because it’s not just a simple message.

I just need to rip off the bandaid.

Type the message and press send.

After that, it’s in her hands.

Me: Hi Sierra, it’s Colt. First, instead of a picture of Sam, you’ll be getting a video. She knows we need to keep it a secret from everyone but each day we’ll be sending you one from her. You can send her videos back. We’ll delete them on our end so there’s no proof of them after she’s watched them.

Me: Now the hard part. I’m a dick. A stupid idiot. I know it’s not an excuse for the way I acted or treated you.

Me: I’ve always prided myself on not letting others dictate how I treat someone but I did when I moved here. I’m not sure why you’re treated the way you are but I had no right to stand back and allow it to happen.

Me: I’m even more of a jerk because I let their judgment of you fester and cloud reality.

Me: God this isn’t going like I planned in my head.

Me: It’s the main reason I wanted to see you in person. Talk to you face to face. But my brothers said you needed to know I was here for you. I want to support you any way I can.

Me: Also I don’t believe what Wes and all those other dicks at school say about you. I should’ve stayed true to who I was before coming here. Instead I wanted to fit in with the crowd. I had to give up a lot when we moved and I just saw it as my chance to fit in and I didn’t care what I had to do in order to achieve that.

Me: What I’m trying to say and failing miserably at is that I’m sorry and I want to make it up to you. I’ll spend my life groveling at your feet. Please forgive me and give me a chance to show you the man I truly am and maybe, just maybe, you can open your heart to me like you have my brothers.

Me: If you don’t want to respond I understand. But I hope you do. Enjoy the video of Sam. Once I send it, I’ll delete it off my phone.

Writing is not my forte. Hopefully, my poor attempt at explaining and begging for forgiveness is enough, and she’ll message back.

As I’m sending the video message, a thought crosses my mind.

Me: Just so you know we’re not going to watch the videos you send to each other. I just wanted you to know you’re free to say whatever you want.

After everything is sent, it’s like a weight is lifted, and I sigh. I did it. Now it’s all in Sierra’s court. Either she hates me and says fuck you, or she will find some forgiveness in her heart and she’ll hear me out. Let me talk to her face to face once she’s ready and I can explain myself better

I’m hoping for the latter.

Either way, I’m going to message her every day until she’s sick of hearing from me. I need her to know I mean what I say.

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