Page 87 of The Life-Changing Magic of Falling in Love

‘Couldn’t the fact she didn’t feel jealous also mean she trusted you? That she saw what she saw and yet knew categorically that you would never cheat on her?’

‘That’s what I said. She said I was missing the wider point.’

‘Which was?’

‘That even if I’d been having an affair, she wouldn’t have been crushed because she wasn’t in love with me and that, deep down, I had to know I wasn’t in love with her either. Have to say that rankled, being as I moved halfway across the world to be with her. That’s when she said I actually moved halfway around the world for my job.’

‘And did you?’ I ask quietly.

‘I really hope I didn’t because I don’t like what that makes me.’

‘We’re all only human,’ I say.

‘But I’d rather be a good human than an evil human, if you know what I mean?’

‘Totally. Though sometimes we can be good and still make mistakes. Also,’ I hesitate but then add, ‘sometimes it suits the other person to allow us to make those mistakes, you know? She didn’t have to let you move all the way across the pond to be with her, did she? She obviously at some point thought you were the perfect match for her. In that photo you have, she looks happy. You look happy. Like you’re having fun. With each other.’

‘I guess.’ George shakes his head a little and then says more assertively, ‘No, you’re right. We did have happy times together. It’s what made me raise my sword?—’

‘Your sword?’ I interrupt, raising my eyebrows at him before glancing down to his lap.

‘Metaphorically speaking,’ he answers, his smiling eyes suggesting he knows I’m only trying to keep him from getting too sucked back under. ‘And don my armour to fight for her.’

‘It says a lot about your character that you fought for her,’ I say. ‘Proof of being a good human.’

‘Except, in the end, she made it impossible. Carefully, systematically, shooting down all my arguments against us ending. She hates drama. I thought that was why her words were so … devoid of… But the more she didn’t waver, the more it began to dawn on me that she really meant it. Had spent hours thinking about how to tell me. And you know what killed me?’

‘What?’ I whisper, feeling so bad for him.

‘That not only had she left me no chink, not one weak area for me to chip away at, it was that, well, there was not one ounce of?—’

‘Passion?’

‘Yeah.’ He turns his head to look at me. ‘Passion.’

Wow. Before I know it, I’m reaching out to lay my hand on his thigh because I need to show him that that sucks. It hovers and I have to force myself not to touch him but to simply say, ‘Everyone deserves passion.’

‘I think so too. Anyway, suddenly I’m mid-argument thinking about my brother and his fiancée and the wedding that’s coming up for them. And how he has this family and their wedding is going to be a celebration of that love, that family, that bond. And how everyone will be celebrating with him because they see it, you know? And I’m arguing to stay in a relationship where we pitch up to this celebration and everyone there is going to take one look at us and know that if I’d plucked someone off the street to go with me, they’d look more invested. And what is that about?’ He pauses and then says, ‘God, I have to attend my brother’s wedding solo.’

‘What is with the world getting married, right now?’

‘You too?’

‘I have one coming up in a couple months and another a year from now and I’m dreading both.’

‘Because you don’t have a boyfriend?’

‘Because … it’s complicated. But hey, I’m sure your family will get it. You can play the wounded knight and get left alone.’

‘Or endure the pitying looks. The George-is-a-failure looks.’

‘You are not a failure for not being in a relationship.’

‘What about if you’re not in a relationship and not employed, either?’ He shakes his head and another sigh leaves him. ‘I know you’re right. But when I’m there it’s not going to feel like I know you’re right, is it? It’s going to feel like everyone’s watching and asking, is George okay? His poor heart. We knew New York would make him ill again.’

Wow.

Life can sure feel complicated sometimes.

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