Page 70 of The Life-Changing Magic of Falling in Love

I nod. ‘Oz and I hung out when you were out with your friend who’s…’ I finger-quote like Oz, ‘Going through some stuff.’

Carlos stares at me and then seeming to collect himself, collects two cups from a shelf.

I hope he’s not going to regret not going for the hard stuff. ‘You realise Oz thinks you’re helping this person through his stuff in an entirely non-platonic, intimate and sexual way?’ I watch his shoulders tense but when he doesn’t say anything, I add, ‘Are you having an affair on him?’

Carlos gives his full focus to bringing the coffees over to the table like he’s me and can’t navigate empty space and my stomach churns because what the hell will I say if he admits he is?

‘I’m not having an affair,’ Carlos says, sitting down opposite me. ‘And deep down, he knows I’m not, either. He knows I’d never do that to him?—’

‘Again?’

Carlos goes completely still except for his face which looks like it’s desperately searching for haughty disdain and, instead, is only able to find crestfallen. ‘He told you.’ He whispers it and it’s not a question. It’s a scar of hurt stretching tightly over a mass of shame and I feel awful, just awful.

‘Don’t be angry with him,’ I plead. ‘He felt hideous when he realised it had slipped out.’

Carlos throws himself back in his chair, shoving his hands into his pockets. ‘And now you think I’m this “get it wherever I can” guy. Or someone who doesn’t know how to appreciate what they have.’ He says it all defiantly but he’s watching me intently.

‘I really don’t. But to check … this friend you’re?—’

His gaze narrows even more. ‘Please do not finger-quote at me again.’

‘Helping through some stuff, isn’t waiting in the wings for when you announce to Oz you want an open relationship?’ I take a sip of my coffee and then send him what I hope is a piercing yet friendly eyeballing.

Carlos looks genuinely shocked. ‘That’s what Oz thinks? I’m not into sharing Oz with anyone.’

‘That’s good because Oz went to that place you said you were going and waited for you. He waited for you thinking he was going to have to watch you with some other guy. It might have been worse for him when you didn’t show up at all.’ I pause and then lean forward to ask, ‘So, tell me what you’re doing that it’s easier to make him think all that of you again, rather than tell him the truth?’

‘Is this the part where you try and “save” me?’

‘Damn right. You and Oz are my friends and if you think for one minute that I’m going to leave one of you behind… That’s not me.’

Anymore.

Wow. My mouth has gone dry and I have to divert my hands from going to my cup when I notice them shaking. As I lay them as casually in my lap as I can, I wait, watching Carlos watching me as he debates internally whether the risk of telling me has enough reward.

I’m honestly about to declare him the winner of the standoff when he says, ‘I’m at business classes.’

‘Well, Jesus, Carlos, how can you do that to Oz – wait – what?’ I’ve been so primed to receive the worst kind of news that it takes me half a minute to compute and then, ‘No. I don’t get it. How is that even a thing?’

‘I—’ he breaks off, then breathes deeply. ‘Do you know how difficult it is to tell Oz things sometimes? He’s so talented … but also so … in his own head. He doesn’t always see what’s going on around him. And then, when it’s pointed out, he gets upset he didn’t see it and then can’t create at all and it’s a crime for that man not to be able to bake.’

‘You have him up on a pedestal.’ I recognise what Carlos is saying but what’s so hard about getting someone to really listen to you? But then I realise Carlos probably did try that. Over and over. And so why wouldn’t a person give up?

I feel a bit sick.

As I study Carlos, really study him, I see how tired he looks – how defeated. ‘Why can’t you tell him you enrolled in a business class?’

‘Because I lied to him.’

‘About cheating on him with another guy?’

He pushes his coffee away as if he’s lost his appetite. ‘I’m talking about after. I lied about how much experience I had running a business like this. I thought starting up the bakery would be something we could focus on together. A fresh start. And it was. Except now we’re losing customers every day and we’re running out of money. His money. His money that I sold him on getting a return on.’

‘But you’re rammed every morning.’

‘It’s the early morning rush and then it tapers off.’

‘So, the fact that you had no customers earlier wasn’t because you two were arguing?’

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