Page 58 of The Life-Changing Magic of Falling in Love

I need to trust the doctors at the hospital.

My heart is fine.

The twinge is just a manifestation of the panic.

The stupid panic that’s ridiculously holding me back from all that I can be and all that I want.

Why does it keep happening?

I breathe in and out a few times as if I’m some sort of prize stallion.

I need to do better at this.

I can’t be like this when I land the next big account.

Thank God for this office.

This private space.

Oh, that I could stay in here all the time.

Of course, if I stayed here all the time, I wouldn’t need a cleaner.

That thought brings me up short.

As does the notion I’d miss her – not least because I wouldn’t be able to swap any more comfortingly corny crossword puzzle clues.

I think back to finding the clue she’d added onto the one I’d left her.

Make a contraction before you lay out the mat, 5,7.

I know I’d smiled as I wrote in “You’re Welcome”.

I’d still been smiling as I opened my fridge and found she’d discarded all but three of the contents. Let me tell you, even Google can’t come up with a recipe for parmesan, milk and wine. Thankfully she also left me a box of brownies.

It was while eating my second brownie that I made a decision. I was going to leave another couple of crossword clues for her in the hope she’d leave some for me.

After my third brownie, I went hell for leather and left a note to go alongside them.

If you’re going to throw out perfectly edible food, (sell-by dates … shmell-by dates) at least give a person the chance to re-stock. I see on your company website it lists basic food shop as a weekly service so I’ve gone ahead and signed up. Food-wise I like everything. Except that weird squirty cheese you all like. I’m from England … I like cheddar. Cheddar comes from a cow. As opposed to squirty cheese which seems to come from e-numbers and I defy anyone to tell me otherwise. Proof of otherwise does not constitute simply squirting squirty cheese from a tube onto a plate and leaving it in the fridge for me – after all, how would I know the shmell-by date?

FYI cheese isn’t all I talk about. As I’m sure you’re perfectly aware, all we Brits actually talk about is the weather. The winters here are worse, by the way. George.

PS You omitted to put a shmell-by date on the brownies. For my own safety, I ate them all in one go!

Okay. I’d written more of an essay than a brief note but by the end of writing it I was feeling mellow and for some reason had the feeling she wasn’t the “judgy” type.

She wrote me a reply.

I have it with me.

It’s not what you’re thinking. It’s because it’s attached to the crossword we’re creating.

Dear Mr. Northcote,

Please ex-cheese the impertinence but wake up and shmell the Camembert. In my experience Use-By Dates

The Use-By Dates is underlined twice!

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