Page 54 of The Life-Changing Magic of Falling in Love

‘And I can’t be friends with my employer?’ I think about my boss at Best Home. Yeah. No. That isn’t a good example. I think about Rhonda and how she’s not exactly friendly but more, sort of, motherly. Um, not a realisation I need right now when on the phone with my actual mother.

‘You can be friend-ly with them,’ my mother continues, ‘but there’s a difference. You know there is. Do you really think this Mrs. Lundy wants to know about your life? That if you were in trouble, you could call her up and she’d be there for you? That you could go out drinking together?’

‘Yes. Yes, and yes,’ I answer emphatically.

‘And how old is Mrs. Lundy?’

‘Don’t be ageist. Friends are friends.’

‘And when you’re at a bar doing shots and some guy starts coming on too strong are you going to have to wait for Mrs. Lundy to walk over to kick him into touch with her walking frame?’

‘Hildy would totally do that for me,’ I say defensively.

My mother snorts and my voice takes on a peace-making tone worthy of working for the UN. ‘Ma, you can have friends who mean different things to you. Not everyone has to have that one Ride or Die friend. Come on, you always used to tell me to have lots of friends.’

‘I did. You used to ignore me.’

‘Maybe I’m listening to you now.’

‘It’s just that you did have that Ride or Die friend.’

‘Exactly,’ I say super-brightly. ‘I’m not interviewing replacements, Mom.’

‘You’re really doing okay?’

‘I know you worry, but yes. I’m meeting new people. I’m enjoying my job. I’m dating…’

‘How are things going with Zach?’

‘Good. Really good. I have another date with him tonight.’

‘At least you’re not sitting in that tiny apartment at the weekends, now.’

‘Um … right.’ I can’t do it. Can’t tell her we only date during the week.

‘So, bring him back here this weekend.’

I need to move. Disperse the nervous energy. Why does she always know exactly what to say to nudge me a little further down the line to Losing-It-ville? ‘No, I’m not bringing him there for the weekend. We’ve only just started dating.’

‘But you said it was going well.’ She says it so reasonably.

‘And I’d like it to continue going well,’ I counter.

‘He does exist?’

‘Relax. He’s real. He’s an HVAC tech who’s starting up on his own. He’s been in Brooklyn for four years. He doesn’t have brothers or sisters. His folks split last year. And I can’t bring him home this weekend because he visits his mother on the weekends.’

Long silence.

Really long silence and then, ‘He visits his mother every weekend?’

‘Yes.’

‘And you have proof of this?’

‘Oh my God, you’re just like Oz – Oz, another bona fide friend – you probably know him from the CIA.’

‘The CIA? Are you even remotely able to have a serious conversation anymore?’

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