Page 47 of The Life-Changing Magic of Falling in Love

I can’t stop myself from reaching out and putting my hand over his as I clear my throat and say, ‘Well, then I’d guess I’d want to bake brownies.’

He nods as if this was all he needed from me. ‘Here, take this silicone spatula and fold the ingredients together.’

I copy him and think about everything I know about Carlos and as I hand the bowl back over to him, venture, ‘You know, there’s likely a plausible explanation he wasn’t where he said he’d be.’

‘It must be exhausting being such a Positive Polly all the time.’

I wince because, honestly, it is a lot of hard work but, for me, it’s still better than the alternative. ‘I just can’t see it,’ I add, carefully.

‘What, Zach lying to you?’

‘No, Carlos lying to you. I know he’s loud and you’re not. I know he’s sociable and you’re not. But you balance, you know? Plus, I see the way he looks at you, even when you’re huffing and puffing about being made to serve customers. He loves you. He’s in love with you. He?—’

‘He’s done it before.’

The words are said so softly that, at first, I think I’ve misheard until I look at his face.

‘Cheated,’ he admits. ‘When we were first together. Before we lived together. Before we started this place together.’ His jaw is set rigid, his eyes bleak. As if he’s been stewing about this for hours and has worked his way around to being embarrassed not to have seen this coming. When I stand there silent, trying to take it all in, his smile turns rueful. ‘Damn bourbon has my mouth running.’ He puts the cap back on the bottle and stores it on a high shelf before bringing his hands down to the counter and hanging his head. ‘He’d die knowing I’d told you all that.’

He’s right. Carlos is a super-proud person. I scrabble for something helpful to say, feeling woefully rusty at supportive-friend talk. ‘Don’t make it sound inevitable, Oz. People change when they find their person. It’s not just this place I don’t see him jeopardizing. You – him – you’re a unit. Settled. He’s settled with you.’

‘You make me sound about as exciting as an unfrosted cupcake. Be honest, Ashleigh, does Carlos really look the type to settle down? Maybe it was wrong of me to expect him to be able to. Maybe I need to change.’

‘Into what?’

‘I don’t know … maybe … someone open to an open relationship?’

‘Um … wow … okay … but has he asked you for that?’

‘No, but if it means I get to be with him…’

I feel myself frowning. ‘Aren’t there a lot of rules with an open relationship?’

‘I’m good with rules.’

‘So am I but I’m not sure I could be that open. I guess I’m more of a person meets person kind of person.’

‘Careful,’ Oz says. ‘Those small-town roots you try so hard to hide are showing.’

I tilt my head and consider him as he deftly slices the first batch of brownies into equal portions. ‘Don’t try pretending you’re any different, Oz. What I meant was if Carlos hasn’t ever brought this topic up with you, then I think it’s because he is too. I could have sworn you were heading for traditional cookie-cutter domesticated blissful marriage and kids.’

‘I thought so too. He made me think so too but now?—’

‘But now you need to have a conversation with him.’

‘Maybe.’

‘Oz, there is no “maybe”. You want to sort this out with him, right?’

He turns away and while my heart thunders heavily that he might not sort this out and then what will happen, he reaches for some more ingredients and asks, ‘You want to have kids? Get married?’

I blink at the rapid deflection. ‘I-I don’t think about it.’ I really don’t. Too busy striving to stay in the present where it’s so much less complicated.

‘What, never?’ Oz asks, a look of disbelief on his face.

‘Well, sure, when I was a kid.’ I don’t really want to talk about this. Don’t really want to think about all the times Sarah and I sat up in the tree house in her backyard, thinking … dreaming … manifesting our futures. ‘My parents have always had this great marriage and so I guess that was my foundation and,’ I admit, ‘I fell fully for the fairy tales.’

‘Me too.’

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