Page 30 of The Life-Changing Magic of Falling in Love

‘You here for the volunteer reading programme?’ a busy nurse asks, never taking his eyes off the computer screen in front of him.

With a jolt, I realise I’ve made it to Ladybug Ward and am hovering at the reception desk. ‘Uh-huh.’ My voice sounds thready, not reading-aloud quality at all. I clear my throat. ‘I filled out the paperwork downstairs.’

‘Great. You brought books?’

‘Yeah. I wasn’t sure?—’

His gaze sweeps me super-fast before settling on something else that needs doing urgently, as he says, ‘As long as there are escapist adventures to be had, you’re going to be fine.’

‘Okay.’ Never ever have I wanted more to be a child whose only responsibility is to be told an escapist adventure story.

‘You can start with Katey. Bed 5. She’s sharp – I wouldn’t skip words…’

Anxiety ramps up big time.

Should I disinfect the books with a wipe first? It feels like I should. I want to.

Really want to.

What if I don’t and end up giving Katey something worse than she already has?

As we get closer to the bed and my breathing gets all out of whack again and my legs shake, I think that this was a bad idea. A really, really bad idea.

What if I get really attached to Katey and something happens to her?

I’m not even catastrophizing about this as we’re in a hospital so it’s not at all beyond the realms of possibility.

‘Ashleigh?’

I whirl around at the sound of my name, nearly taking out the obs cart beside another nurse who has appeared at the end of Bed 5.

‘God – I am so, so sorry.’ I can hear the fear in my voice. The panic. The loss of control. The nurse is looking at me like she is very used to seeing people with wild eyes, erratic breathing and who have appeared to lose all control of their limbs.

But on top of that fact, she is looking at me like she knows me.

‘It is Ashleigh, isn’t it?’ she asks, smiling. ‘I’m Nadine. We spoke at Sarah’s funeral.’

Chapter Ten

RAW NERVES

Ashleigh

Sarah’s funeral.

I’d exhale but there’s a whopping blockage in my throat.

I believe I mentioned there was somewhere else Sarah was needed.

Yeah…

Truth is if I don’t continuously tell myself she was needed Upstairs, by The Big Guy, I will never get past her leaving.

Dying.

Unable to stop myself, I glance up at the ceiling as if I can see through it to the cloudless sky above. Maybe some of her sarcastic words of wisdom will float down to me?

‘Ashleigh?’

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