Page 150 of The Life-Changing Magic of Falling in Love

I’m so thankful for figuring out that rather than healing I was dancing dangerously close to sleeping through life. Numbness can be a seductive companion. It may protect for a while but it pervades and sometimes, if you’re not careful, it makes you numb to everything and everyone for evermore.

So, this excited feeling over that numbness?

Even if I have to go through the anxiety to get to it?

Totally worth it.

Except, okay, as I wait, my heart busy dancing inside my ribcage, what started out as a cute way of welcoming George home is turning into second, third and fourth thoughts because what if being here smacks of pushing myself on him, when maybe I was supposed to let him – us – breathe a little?

On the other hand, life is for living and why would I wait to wrap my arms around him and show him exactly how much I’ve missed him?

On the other other hand…!

‘The time for overthinking was immediately after coming up with the idea,’ Carlos whines. ‘Not after dragging all of us here.’

‘You didn’t have to come,’ Oz tells him.

‘And what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t support her?’ Carlos says.

‘And George,’ Oz says.

‘Right,’ Carlos sighs. ‘And George.’

‘And George?’ I grin, tamping down my need to do a happy dance. Having won Carlos over I don’t need to set Oz off. ‘Truly?’

‘Truly,’ Carlos admits. ‘You were right to push back at me the other day. I liked seeing you take a stand. Reminded me you’re not that lost little kitten we found crying on your doorstep trying to get your boss at the magazine a bizarro kale and kumquat smoothie.’

Oz groans. ‘Let’s all agree a kale and kumquat combo is wrong not just on so many levels but every level.’

‘I know you’re not in that same place you were,’ Carlos adds, ‘and some – not all – but some of that’s down to George. So, here’s what happens now: you’ll see him, he’ll see you, you’ll kiss each other’s faces off, then ride into the sunset together. Meanwhile, the three of us will apply for a loan to afford the cab ride back.’

‘Quick,’ Hildy interrupts. ‘People are coming out. Hold your clues up.’

The four of us get into position.

My gaze scans as passengers start emerging to connect with loved ones.

‘I don’t see him,’ I whisper after what is probably only minutes but feels like eons.

‘Maybe we missed him,’ Hildy muses.

‘Impossible,’ Carlos says. ‘George is the type of guy that crowds part for.’

The first time I’d seen George, in the photo in his apartment, I’d thought the exact same thing. There’s no way I’d miss him in this crowd and absolutely no way he’d miss me in my fluorescent white jacket.

More people trickle through.

Seriously though … where is he?

I start pacing.

Up and down.

Back and forth.

Throwing furtive glances at the gates.

Then longer glances.

---