Page 141 of The Life-Changing Magic of Falling in Love

So not where I thought this was going. ‘Oh?’

‘About a promotion she offered me a while ago. She’s been looking for someone to start taking over more of the management and even though I sort of got her to promote Jamal, I don’t know, lately I’ve been thinking there’s enough work for two and how it’s important to keep a business evolving and—’ she breaks off. Shrugs. Looks bashful.

‘But that’s brilliant,’ I tell her.

‘It is?’

‘It isn’t?’ If anyone deserves to be able to take all their initiative to the next level, it’s Ashleigh.

‘I guess I’m nervous about it.’ She offers me a tight smile and then looks out to the water. ‘I probably won’t be able to clean for you anymore.’

My heart skips a beat until I remember I’ll be getting another job soon so wouldn’t be seeing her while she cleaned anyway. ‘Makes sense. But we should celebrate or is that what you’re doing tonight?’

‘With Carlos and Oz. I thought you’d be busy packing.’

Ask me to come with you. When she doesn’t, I say, ‘So we’ll celebrate when I get back.’

She picks a non-existent crumb off her jeans. ‘Sure.’

Is it that she thinks I’m not coming back? She doesn’t trust me? How can she not trust me? I’ve been more open with her than anyone ever. ‘You don’t sound it. Don’t forget we’ll be free weekends and evenings,’ I assert.

She takes a deep breath, and releases it on a breathy admission of, ‘You know how it goes with new jobs, I’ll be super busy – stretched. Probably have to work evenings – at least at first.’

I don’t get it. Where’s my fearless Ashleigh gone? I stare out at the skyline and realise it’s got very dark. ‘You’ll make the effort to get out a little as well, right? On top of all the working? Because otherwise what happened to learning to make room for the important things in life? I thought that’s what you’d learned after your experience at Best Home and Sarah dying.’

‘I’m just trying to explain that it might be hard for us to find time to … chill together.’

‘So, it’s fine to lecture me about making room for the important things in life? Having a balance? Doing things outside of work that I enjoy? All that crap about singing and sport and sightseeing?—’

‘Well, I’m right about that, aren’t I? If you took a job like the one at the hospital, where you made less but it gave you so much more, you could fit in soccer coaching or rock choir or dating.’

What the hell? ‘You’re worried about my dating life now?’

‘I’m worried that to protect your heart you’ll use work as a convenient excuse to stop yourself having more.’

I shake my head sadly. ‘No, that’s not me, that’s actually you, right now. And my heart is fine. I already told you I want a family and that the next person I got seriously involved with would have to understand that and be up for that too.’

‘It’s one thing to say that.’

I stare at her, feeling like the dark clouds gathering above are casting a shadow between us like a physical barrier. ‘This is such bullshit. Look, I get why you feel the impulse to save people but to be clear – I don’t need saving.’ I lean forward to tilt her face towards mine. ‘I’m more than some bloody project for you. I’m – we’re – what are you doing?’ Disappointment has my heart feeling leaden. Here I am taking the risk, speaking my truth and she’s jumping to her feet and trying to roll up the picnic blanket with me still on it.

‘It’s raining,’ she says, folding her arms waiting for me.

I jump to my feet also. ‘Who cares about the bloody rain? There’s more between us than a job.’ I grab hold of her hands.

‘What are you talking about?’

‘You heard me. A job isn’t going to stop you thinking about me any more than it would stop me thinking about you. From day one I’ve felt you looking at me – stealing glances. I know it because I do it right back. It’s how I know the gold in your eyes deepens and turns molten, making the brown richer, deeper.’

‘All creative people know how to paint a pretty picture.’

‘You know our friendship has deepened. Admit it. What about the wedding? Your heart beat just as crazy-fast as mine when we were dancing. I felt it.’

‘B-but you didn’t make a move… The whole time after you didn’t make one move. Worse, you rolled over to turn the other way.’

‘That’s why you’ve pulled back? Of course I didn’t make a move. The day was incredibly emotional for you. Not to mention you’d had enough alcohol to fell a bison.’

‘It doesn’t matter now anyway.’

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