Page 119 of The Life-Changing Magic of Falling in Love

‘I really didn’t.’

‘It wasn’t that bad, I guess. Cardiology Guy wants me to come up with a campaign to encourage donations but also highlight heart health and make people understand what the department does. And before you tell me I’d be at least capable of understanding what some patients are going through, I don’t want to be reminded of my own journey every day. I’ve tried really hard not to let it define me.’

‘You’ve never once given me the impression it does.’

‘I think … ever since the panic attacks I’m finding it hard to … recalibrate my expectations? A lot of it feels so irrelevant. Maybe the panic attacks were a sign I’m not supposed to be in this line of work.’

‘You should at least try doing what you love for someone else first.’

‘Why aren’t you at another magazine, then?’

‘Ouch. Okay, I didn’t look for another writing job after Best Home but it was different for me. I was only at the beginning of that career and never pushed myself to compete at the level I’d studied for. Looking back, I played at it. My whole life was about studying and then doing anything but cleaning to please my parents. After leaving the magazine, I didn’t have time to evaluate what I wanted to do next, I had two priorities: paying my bills and not wanting to go back home. I’m lucky I fell into doing a job that honestly makes me happy. I feel grateful for it, every day. Would it make it easier if I didn’t feel like I had to justify what I do? Yes. Does it make me sad that people think it’s less important than other jobs? Definitely. But essentially? I’m happy.’ I grab a brownie and take a bite. ‘Yikes, this is truly awful.’

‘I think that’s from my batch, but I appreciate the diplomacy!’

‘Oops, um … yum?’ I force myself to take another bite which produces a laugh from George that rumbles though me. ‘At least if you work somewhere else you won’t feel like you only got the position because you were sleeping with the boss’s daughter.’

‘What the hell?’ He turns to me, all indignant. ‘I’m damn good at my job.’

‘And that reaction is exactly why you should look for something in the same field. I never felt that where I was. Seriously though, you never once wondered if you got the promotion because of that?’

‘I never did.’

‘Wow. It really is different for men.’

‘Okay. I did wonder towards the end.’

We go back to staring at the brick wall in front of us and I can’t help it, I dig for an answer to what’s really been on my mind. ‘Maybe you’ll get back to the UK for your brother’s wedding and feel like it’s the right place for you. Maybe you won’t want to come back here.’

‘That’s not going to happen.’

‘You don’t think you could get a job back home that has interesting challenges, career progression, money and status?’

‘Are you trying to get rid of me?’

‘What if your brother, on behalf of the village, asks you to run The Bedraggled Badger?’

‘Now that would be a cool job. But I’m thinking no to both.’

‘How come?’

‘It’s a question of questions. As in, the endless ones I’d get if I got a job near my family. They mean well but the worry is ingrained. I can’t breathe with the “Why are you still working this late at night, how many hours have you worked this week, why do you have to work the weekend? These are inevitably followed by “You look pale. Tired. Ill.”

‘You don’t think they worry about you being over here as well?’

‘But the physical distance forces a different conversation when we speak on the phone. They concentrate on all the positives I tell them.’

‘George, do you sit in your apartment in The Clouds and lie to your family?’

‘Sure. You think I’m looking forward to telling my parents exactly what happened with Anya? One thing about Anya is she didn’t treat me with kid gloves. She didn’t worry about me.’

‘But that’s what people who really care about you do.’

‘But there’s absolutely no need to.’

‘I know. And I get what you’re saying but?—’

‘Do you lie to your family?’

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