I, too, had nightmares for years after my first kill, after Ophelia’s training. If I clear my mind enough or exhaust my body, then, sometimes I can outrun them, getting a few hours of sleep before they find me again. It makes sense that she would have them as well if she was forced to fight to the death in this very arena.

Maeryn fists the sand at her sides, lifting her hands and opening her palms to let the grains run between her fingers and back to the ground. A moment passes and I glance to see where Niall is in line. Two more Terra stand before him. He’ll be over soon.

The Second Tier healer blows out a long breath. “Do you know what it does to someone like me,” she starts again, drawing my attention, “to know that I’ve hurt someone, killed them, because I had to survive?”

I don’t answer as she pulls her hands in front of her and stares. “I’m a healer,” she says. “That’s what I do—what I was meant to do. Heal. Not kill.” Her hands drop again and I avert my eyes as her head turns up.

I shift on legs that feel numb. How long have we been out here? In my periphery, I see Maeryn’s sad smile and hate myself for feeling relieved when she stops looking my way.

“Most of us have never had any other choice but to be here,” she says. “I always wondered why humans wanted to be here too. What would drive them to these walls as if it was something to be revered to be allowed inside?” Maeryn glances across the arena and I follow her gaze just as Niall gets to the front of the line and excitedly dips his mug into the water, filling it up. “He’s so sweet,” she murmurs, lower than her earlier words. “Innocent in ways I likely don’t deserve.”

At that, my head jerks and I can’t stop the way I whip my eyes down to find her staring at me again. Damn it. A ruse? But no, there’s no trickery in her eyes.

“Niall is kind,” she says. “He’s hard working. He’s here because being a Terra at a Mortal Gods Academy will bring his family not just money but some prestige and out there”—she gestures above and beyond the walls currently surrounding us—“that means something.” She sighs and drops her arm again. “Here, being a Mortal God means nothing because that’s what everyone is. Being strong and destructive means more.” She looks to where Kalix is standing over his unconscious opponent. I avoid looking at the Mortal God at his feet or at the blood streaming down Kalix’s blade.

“That’s why people fear the Darkhavens, because they realized that the second they entered the Academy,” she confesses. “Most Mortal Gods don’t band together, but most don’t meet anyone like themselves until they’ve been taken from their mortal parents or from the facilities of the failed Mortal Gods—if they don’t present their powers upon their birth.”

“Why are you telling me this?” I ask.

Green eyes connect with mine, framed by red lashes. “They were smart. They used their already pre-formed unit to divide themselves, to make them stronger.” That makes no sense. They were together to be apart? My confusion must be evident on my face, because her next words work to clarify. “They fought together and made everyone else stand up and take notice. Now, they don’t have to be so close. They can separate and people still fear them even when they’re not in a unit because they recognize that they are only as strong as their weakest link, and they have no weaknesses.”

My brow furrows. In the distance, Niall moves away from the water barrel and begins the trek towards us. “You’ve still lost me,” I tell her honestly.

Maeryn groans and then slaps her hands against the sand, using it to stand up before brushing as much of the stuff from her ass and thighs as she can. “Dangers hover over the Academies like secrets,” she states, slapping at her sides. “And secrets have a way of coming to light sooner or later, Kiera.”

She stops moving and looks directly at me. Niall is only a few yards away. So whatever she has to say, it’ll have to be now unless she wants him to hear, and considering she waited for him to be away before saying anything, I doubt she does. She strikes me as an intelligent woman. She must be if she, a healer, survived the battles.

“Gods imitate mortals,” she whispers the words, eyes darting to the sides and back to me. “Just as mortals imitate Gods, but remember, no one can pretend forever and eventually—just like secrets—the masks come off.”

My brow furrows and my arms slacken from behind my back as I turn to face her fully instead of remaining with my back pressed against the wall like I know I should. “What—”

“I got your water, Miss Maeryn,” Niall hurries up between the two of us, an exuberant grin on his face.

Maeryn turns away from me without hesitation and smiles back at him. “Thank you so much, Niall,” she says, taking the mug from his hands to chug it down like I’d seen men in Taverns chug mead and ale. She releases the lip of it with a gasp. “I really needed that.”

I glimpse the lingering half a glass left and eye her with speculation. “Here, you can have the rest,” she says, shoving it back into Niall’s hands. “I’m good. I think my next sparring match is about to come up.”

“Good luck!” Niall calls as she grabs the sword she’d dropped earlier and heads back across the arena.

I watch her go. A woman as slender as her and as ill-equipped to do battle would have needed that entire mug if not more. She could have walked over and gotten it herself, but she hadn’t. She could have ordered him to get her more but she hadn’t. To not make herself look like she needed it? Or too weak? Both likely answers. Along with a third…

Niall looks longingly down at the half-drunk mug of water. He considers it for a moment before looking back to me. “Do you want some?” he asks. “We can have it since she offered.”

I close my eyes. Cunning little healer. My mouth stretches into a tight smile. “My Masters offered me water earlier,” I lie easily. “You haven’t had a drop since we came out here. Drink it.”

Terra cannot have anything they have not been permitted. So, while their Mortal Gods sweat and train under the unusually warm sun, their Terra stand to the sides—eyes glued to that barrel of water that is only meant for them and can only be had if the hand that offers it is one of their Masters.

Yes, Niall’s little Second Tier healer is far more intelligent than most give her credit for, I suspect. Which begs the question … what the hell was she trying to tell me?

Chapter 30

Kiera

Training ends and Terra are released at the sound of the bell tower’s echo across the Academy grounds. Niall and I head out and away from the arena, back towards the buildings meant solely for Terra usage. We separate and find our individual bathing chambers as most of the Terra move towards the dining hall in search of water and food after their long day outside.

Niall is softhearted enough that he doesn’t want to leave me to eat alone, and I’m trying to get a bath in before the others come up to use the chambers lest they see my now nearly completely gone lash marks.

I spend no more time than necessary washing my body, wrinkling my nose at the hardened cakes of soap Terra use. Theos’ bath salts had smelled so much better.