Page 99 of A Helpin g Hand for the Village Nurse

‘You say that but when I hear what you’ve been through, I don’t know how you can. I feel…It doesn’t matter. It’s not about me now, is it?’

Ottilie wanted to tell him she was ready to listen if he needed it, but she didn’t honestly feel she had the strength to spare for him at this moment, no matter how she wished she had.

‘Do you want company?’ he asked into the gap. ‘I could stay.’

‘No, it’s all right. I’m sure you have things to do.’

He raised his eyebrows. ‘Are you just saying that?’

‘Yes,’ she admitted, because she wanted him to stay more than anything. She wanted to be in his arms again where she’d felt safe and comforted and like she could face whatever came her way. She wanted to tell him how wrong she’d been, how sad she was that she’d blown her chances with him, how she realised now she’d been stupid to let him slip through her fingers, stupid to let fear and guilt stand in the way. She wanted to say that no matter what his own demons were she would help him deal with them, no matter what it took, because he was worth the effort and he was worth the risk. There might never be a right time to say those things but she still felt them. For the moment, being close was enough.

‘Then I’ll stay,’ he said. ‘Would another hug help?’

‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I think I’d like that.’

And so he took her in his arms and she let his quiet strength flow through her.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Heath stayed until darkness covered the village beyond her cottage windows. Ottilie opened up to him about Josh, about her life and hopes and fears in a way she’d never done with anyone before. Once the story had been told, she couldn’t quite believe it had happened that way.

‘You’re amazing,’ he said.

Ottilie blushed. ‘I don’t know why you would think that.’

‘What you’ve been through, and then to come here and start again, always thinking of others when you’ve had it harder than any of them.’

‘It’s all relative, I think. Whenever you’re going through something it’s hard and it doesn’t feel easier just because you know someone else is going through it too. I mean, you’ve had your share of stress, haven’t you?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Your marriage. I…’ Ottilie’s sentence tailed off. She could tell by his face that she’d said too much, that perhaps she wasn’t meant to know what she did.

‘Sorry,’ she added quickly. ‘I didn’t mean to pry – forget it.’

His expression cleared. ‘Fair’s fair. You’ve shared your story with me, so I suppose I ought to explain why I’m such a miserable git.’

Ottilie gave a small smile. ‘But I don’t want you to feel pressured.’

‘It will probably do me good.’

‘It will,’ she said, knowing from recent experience that it was true.

‘The thing about Mila,’ he said slowly, ‘is that…’ He sighed and shook his head. ‘I don’t know where to start. I was an idiot, and when I think about how stupid I was I’m ashamed. The things that happened to me – to me and my family – a smarter man would have seen it coming, but I didn’t. And I always assumed I was a smart man. But she was so convincing. Gaslighting, I think we call it, don’t we?’

‘That’s the thing about gaslighting,’ Ottilie said gently. ‘The people who do it are good at it – that’s why they so often get away with it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come across victims of it in my job. You don’t have to tell me if it’s painful. I only asked because you’d listened to me and I thought…well, it’s obvious to me that something’s gone on and whatever it was hurt you. I wondered if you might want to talk, but I don’t want to push it.’

‘I never wanted to tell anyone before because I felt so stupid. But if I was going to tell anyone, then it would be you.’

‘I’m glad about that. The offer will always be open if you change your mind. How long have you been split up?’

‘It depends on your definition of splitting up,’ he said ruefully. ‘We’d been back and forth a few times over the past three years. She’d do something that didn’t seem right but then she’d always have a good cover story. And I loved her…God, I loved her. I wanted to believe her every time, and I ignored what was in front of my face. The final straw was at the end of last year.’

‘And you haven’t been tempted to go back to her this time?’

‘No. She went too far, even for me. Besides, she’s got a new bloke now.’

‘How do you feel about that?’

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