Page 94 of A Helpin g Hand for the Village Nurse

‘God, is your brain like that all the time?’

‘Pretty much.’

‘No wonder you’re in a state then.’

‘What should I do?’

‘You’re asking me when you know the answer I’m going to give. But it’s not up to me. Only you can make that call. I know what I would do in your shoes, but we’re different people, aren’t we?’

Ottilie nodded slowly. She’d thought it before, but their differences were shown in sharp relief again. Stacey had been abandoned by a feckless husband and she desperately wanted to be shown love by someone who wouldn’t leave her. She wanted to feel wanted. But it wasn’t like that for Ottilie. She’d had that love, and it had been snatched away from her. She still felt the force of that love every single day, and she didn’t think that would ever stop, not for as long as she lived. So for her, if she were to let someone new in, it was almost like one of them would have to give way for the other, and it didn’t seem right that Josh’s memory should be diminished, that his love should be forgotten for the sake of someone else. People could say as often as they liked that Josh wouldn’t want her to be lonely, but Josh wasn’t the issue – she was. She didn’t want to be lonely, but she didn’t want to betray her first love either, and moving on would feel like doing just that. Josh would have understood if he’d been here now. Josh would have felt the same way if she’d died and he’d been left behind. It felt like a question without answer, and she was getting sick of asking it.

‘What’s Flo in for?’ Ottilie asked as she looked down the clinic list. She’d been back at work for a few days, back in the swing of things far quicker than she’d imagined. ‘I thought all her tests had come back OK.’

‘Says she needs her blood pressure checking.’

‘What for? Has she got symptoms?’

‘I don’t know – I couldn’t get any sense out of her. In the end I thought it was easier to book her in than argue; it’ll only take you a minute after all.’

‘True enough. And I haven’t been to visit her for a while, so it’ll be useful to see how she’s getting on.’

‘She must be happy to be seeing so much of Heath since he’s been working on your house.’

‘She must,’ Ottilie said carefully. Whenever Heath was mentioned these days her voice took on a careful tone. She didn’t want to get drawn into anything she might regret where he was concerned.

The slot for Flo’s appointment came and went, but she didn’t show. Ottilie phoned her house but got no response. There wasn’t time to go and see her during clinic, but after the last patient had gone, she shrugged on her coat, briefly explained to Lavender where she was going and hurried out.

Ten minutes later she was knocking on Flo’s door.

‘All right, all right…’

Flo’s voice travelled up the hallway. At least she sounded in fairly good health. Grumpy but healthy, Ottilie thought. Pretty much business as usual.

‘Oh,’ she said as she opened the door. ‘What have you come for?’

‘You were supposed to come and see me.’

‘Was I? I don’t recall you asking me for tea. In fact, you’ve never asked me round for tea.’

‘Not tea – at the surgery.’

Flo was thoughtful for a moment. ‘Right,’ she said finally. ‘That. I did make an appointment, didn’t I?’

‘Yes, but you didn’t keep it.’

‘Well, I feel all right now.’

Ottilie tried not to frown. ‘So you don’t need your blood pressure checking? Because I have the reader right here if?—’

‘No, that’s fine, but you can come in anyway.’

‘I have to?—’

‘You can’t spare a minute? You haven’t been in ages.’

Ottilie let out a sigh. She supposed she hadn’t been in a while, and when all was said and done she did owe Florence at least this much for how instrumental she’d been in getting Wordsworth Cottage fixed up. And she could make sure that Flo really was all right, which was the main reason she’d come.

‘Just a minute,’ she said.

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