Page 44 of A Helpin g Hand for the Village Nurse

‘I’m on my way.’

The line went dead. Ottilie glanced at Flo, who, despite her current state, seemed annoyed by the turn of events.

‘Sorry,’ Ottilie said. ‘I can guess what you’re going to say, but we’d be up here all night without help.’

‘Yes, but I’ll never hear the end of it.’

‘Of course you will. Heath will want you to be safe and he won’t have time to lecture you. He’s your favourite grandson for a reason, isn’t he?’

‘He’s my only grandson, and yes, he’ll find time to lecture me. I’d rather him not have to come up here to get me.’

‘We don’t have a choice I’m afraid.’ Ottilie gave an encouraging smile. ‘But on the bright side, he was at your house. That would have been a nice surprise if you’d been home, wouldn’t it?’

‘If I’d been home it would have been, but I wasn’t at home, was I? I was at a stupid hospital appointment.’

‘Erm, I think being up this hill is the issue, not your tests,’ Ottilie said, and she couldn’t help a small laugh. She perched on the boulder next to Flo and wrapped an arm around her, rubbing her shoulders in a bid to warm her up.

‘I hope he’s not long,’ Flo said, and Ottilie knew from that small statement that Flo wasn’t feeling quite as bullish as she’d have her believe. She was unwell, perhaps a little scared and, if she was being honest, Ottilie was a bit scared too. Scared that something bad would happen up here and she wouldn’t be able to stop it. Not scared for herself – and that made a change considering her life right now – but scared for Flo.

‘He said he was coming straight here.’

‘I feel so stupid,’ Flo said after a pause.

‘You’re not stupid.’

‘That’s not what you really think. Heath will think the same as you.’

‘It’s not, and I’m sure it’s not what he’ll think either. And even if we did think that, would you care? Take comfort in the fact that you’re living your life. You said it yourself – I’m boring.’

‘I never said that; I said cautious.’

Ottilie gave a tight smile. At least Flo was still lucid enough to recall their exact conversation from earlier – that was a good sign.

‘Try as I might,’ she began slowly after another pause, ‘I feel as if my life stopped when Josh died. Whenever I try to get back in the game, something…’ She gave a helpless shrug. ‘Something stops me.’

‘What?’

Ottilie’s thoughts went to the clouds that obscured the clear skies of any future she might try to build for herself. Without Josh, yes, but she could have done it if perhaps the manner of his death had been different, if the repercussions of that weren’t still hanging over her. If she didn’t see fear and uncertainty at every turn. If only there was a resolution for that, at least she might not feel so stuck. And she was trying, so, so hard. She was here in Thimblebury, she’d thrown everything she had into making her new life here work, and yet, it was never quite right.

‘I wish I knew,’ she said with a sigh. The real reasons she knew only too well, but they weren’t for Flo to hear, not here and not now – if ever. ‘It’s like a locked door. I can see the rest of my life on the other side, but the key’s gone missing and I can’t get through. So I’m stuck here, watching it drift away from me, further and further the longer I stall.’

‘You feel all that because you didn’t get in the pool?’ Flo asked with some incredulity in her voice, and perhaps a little wryness.

Ottilie shot her a sideways glance. She was definitely starting to feel better.

‘I didn’t get in the pool because of all that. It’s like I feel guilty for having a life at all, even though I know being miserable or denying myself the right to move on won’t bring Josh back. I just don’t know how to stop feeling this way.’

‘You don’t seem miserable to me.’

‘It’s inside, hidden deep. You must know how that is?’ Ottilie glanced again at Flo, who nodded shortly. ‘Nobody can see it – I make certain of that – but I know it’s there. You must have been the same when you lost Eric. I don’t want to forget Josh or pretend I never had him, but…’

‘You don’t need to explain. I understand. I’m glad we had this chance to talk, even if it did mean getting stuck up here,’ Flo said. ‘You can always talk to me. I know what it’s like to lose a husband after all.’

It wasn’t the same, though it very much was, but Ottilie only forced another smile and rubbed Flo’s arm a bit harder.

‘I ought to phone Heath and ask him to bring blankets. I never gave it a thought.’

‘He’ll be on his way.’

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