Page 14 of Gunner

LILY

My eyes flutter open when a hand softly caresses my hair, and I settle my gaze on James’s face. I smile at him sleepily before my body jolts at the realization that he’s still here after what we did last night.

“Sunshine, what’s wrong?” His brow creases as he studies my face. I haven’t had a man sleep over since Caleb was born.

I’ve gone on several dates over the last few years, but they’ve usually ended at the front door. On the rare occasion where the evening led to something more, I always went to their place, then came home to sleep in my own bed. This is my sanctuary, and I don’t allow just anyone inside it. But James is different. We have history and clearly some unfinished business.

I’m yours, James. I’ve always been yours.

The words I confessed still ring in my head, a wave of pleasure surging to the surface. But I shouldn’t be thinking about another tumble in the sheets when I have a son just down the hall to worry about. If Caleb sees that James is still here, who knows how he’ll take it or what he’ll say? How could I be irresponsible like this?

“Caleb.” I sigh. “I don’t know how to explain it to Caleb.”

“I’m sure we’ll come up with something. We don’t have to make it a big deal.”

Don’t have to make it a big deal? Is he crazy?

“And just what am I supposed to say? You got confused and slept in the wrong bed? This isn’t Goldilocks and the Three Bears, James.”

He kisses my nose, and I glare at him in return. “Babe, just tell him it was too late for me to drive home, so I stayed over.” He shrugs as if this is all so easy.

“But that doesn’t explain why you’re in my bed? You could’ve slept on the couch.” I quirk a brow at him, and he laughs at me.

A sly grin lifts the corner of his mouth. “Then tell him the truth. He has a sexy-as-fuck mom, and I couldn’t keep my hands off her.”

My face warms, but I refuse to smile.

He thinks I’m a sexy mom? Because I don’t know too many moms who’ll say they feel sexy. Most of the time, we feel like Fiona from Shrek, and not when she’s in her pretty princess form either.

His expression softens, and he strokes my hair again. “There’s no way I would’ve comfortably fit on your couch, Lil. I'm over six feet tall, and I ain’t slim.” James pauses to look at me because we both know he’s right. “But if you trust me, I can be the one to explain it to him. I think I know what to say to make him understand. Kids are way smarter and more resilient than we give them credit for.”

If it were any other man, Caleb’s father included, I’d tell them they were full of shit and I’d be scrambling to get them out of my house before my child wakes up. But I do trust James. I always have. And even though this is a big deal, no matter how he downplays it, my gut tells me it’ll be okay.

Although I’m still apprehensive, I let that thought go as another one rears its ugly head. I roll onto my back and drop my head on the pillow as insecurities flood my brain.

It’s morning, and daylight is spilling into my room, giving me nowhere to hide. Last night, that man had me in all sorts of positions, giving me an obscene amount of pleasure from multiple orgasms. But that was in the dark, with my room dimly lit by pale moonlight, making it hard for us to see one another. Now, that’s not the case, and he’s about to see everything.

“Tell me what’s going on inside that pretty little head of yours.”

“Nothing,” I lie as I stare at the ceiling.

“You think I don’t know when something’s bothering you? Is this still about Caleb?”

No, it’s not. I’ve already pushed that concern away. The truth is Caleb took a liking to James from the moment they met. Yes, he had his reservations, and rightfully so, as James’s appearance can be intimidating to grown adults, not just kids. But Caleb quickly warmed up to James and I can tell my son likes him. I’m pretty sure if I told Caleb that James would be coming around more, he’d be happy to hear it.

What worries me now is something completely different, and I hate how insecure I am. But the last time I had sex with James, I damn sure didn’t look like this. While his body has gotten better over time, mine has gotten worse. Sure, I’ve always been a healthier-looking girl, but back then I was a size eight at the most. Today, I’m a sixteen with a mommy belly and stretch marks. Pregnancy and hormones change you, shaping you into someone unrecognizable. I know that’s not true for every woman, but it certainly has been the case for me. And I’m nervous about his reaction when he sees my body in broad daylight. Especially knowing that I don’t like looking at my body in broad daylight.

“Lily.” His curt tone interrupts my self-deprecating thoughts. I glance at him from the corner of my eye while biting the tip of my tongue with apprehension. James merely shakes his head. Then, in one quick motion, he snatches the covers away and climbs on top of me.

“What are you doing?” I gasp, frantically reaching for the sheets, but I can’t get my hands on them.

“You were gripping the comforter for dear life, woman. I thought there was a monster or something hiding under here.”

Monster may be right.

“What are you? Five?” I snap, attempting to shield myself with my arms and failing miserably.

He ignores me while his gaze slowly trails along every swell and curve, making me want to run away. But I’m frozen in place, clenching my fists and forcing the back of my head into the pillow.

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