Page 55 of Hunter

“I have to,” he sighs, closing his eyes as I get up to walk away from him.

As I sink to the floor behind my closed bedroom door, I hear the controller being thrown angrily across the room, no doubt making a dent in the living room wall.

_____

Louisa

I don’t know what time it is when I wake in the night, but I know Phoenix is sitting at the end of my bed with his arms resting on top of his legs and his head looking down at the floor. His shoulders rise and fall as he sighs into the silent air. I have no idea if he knows I’m awake, but I know he wants to talk to me, whether I’m conscious of it or not.

“You never knew Mom,” he says quietly, “I guess I didn’t know her for that long either, but I remember her smiling, all the time. She was always singing and dancing with me in the kitchen or the living room. I would dance with her, and she’d be cheering me on. When she had you, she never stopped, she’d just dance around with you inside of her arms.”

I shuffle up to sitting so he knows I’m awake for certain, but he makes no attempt to move. Phoenix has rarely talked about our mother; he’s always shut down, or at best, got out a small box of mementos for me to look through. As a child, I always thought he was kind of a selfish asshole for not talking about her more, but I now know it’s because he finds it too damn hard. I can relate to that on some level because I find it hard to talk about Dad, much like Tony always found it hard to talk about his parents after they were killed. Admitting to it out loud always makes the trauma seem that much more real. It’s easier to push the pain down, to not face it by releasing it all.

“She was so happy, so caring, and so loving; I’ve often wondered how she ended up with Dad. You know he was once like me, killing for a living. It doesn’t really make sense how someone as gentle as Mom married an MC thug. I never asked him though; I thought it would be too triggering when he’d already lost her. What right did I have to go and interrogate him about it?”

“Didn’t the Ortegas know?” I ask quietly, making the air sound strange with my sudden voice.

“Don’t know, didn’t ask. I guess I should have…for you,” he says before huffing out through his nose. “The night of the fire, Dad was away on one of his jobs. I woke first and immediately headed to their room with you inside of my arms. The smell of smoke was thick, and I knew something was off. Mom was still asleep but when I nudged her awake, she knew what that smell was, she knew what it meant. She picked you up and tried to think of a way to get us all out. The fire was already well underway, and she was starting to slur her words, and I was finding it hard to breathe. Mom knew she needed to get us out as quickly as possible. She tied you to my front and looked at me, right in the eye, with an expression of sheer panic and fear that I will never forget, Lou. She shouted at me to get you out and to not look back. I didn’t want to, so I started crying for her to come with me, but she knew time was short, so she kissed me on the head and shoved me through the last space I could squeeze through. I heard her crying because I was crying too. I knew, as soon as I stepped outside, I knew she wasn’t coming, I knew she was gone. Lou, I will never forget how scared she was, knowing that she was sacrificing herself for us.”

It’s the first time I hear my big brother release a whimper because this is the first time I’ve ever heard him cry. I move up to wrap my arms around his shoulders, though they barely make it around his huge body. I hold him with everything I have while he shudders against me, finally releasing the lifelong battle he has waged against ever looking vulnerable. I don’t cry for my mother, I never knew her, but I sure as hell cry for Phoenix.

“I have to go, Lou,” he says through the emotion, suddenly righting himself and wiping angrily at his tears. “I have to do this.”

“I know,” I whisper, “but I don’t want you to.”

“I know too,” he replies.

_____

Louisa

Past

“Ph-Phoenix?” I barely manage to say out loud. I feel so battered, so bruised, and so ashamed. Tony hadn’t answered any of my calls, so my big brother was next in line. Phoenix always answers me.

“What’s up, Lou? You should have been back by now!” he shouts over the noise of the bar. “Tony’s getting drunk with his scummy friends and if he eye fucks someone one more time, I’m going in for the kill, Lou!”

Hearing this, and not being at all surprised to learn how my boyfriend, the supposed love of my life, has been flirting with whoever happens to look his way when he should have been picking me up is more than my emotions can take. My heart cracks, creating a chasm that fills my entire body with such pain, I end up breaking down into uncontrollable crying. I can’t even try to keep it together with my brother on the other end of the phone, which means I’m going to have to tell him what just happened and live with the consequences of his actions; the actions of a guy who used to kill people for money. I never ever thought I would be the one to force him out of retirement, and yet, here we are. When he finds out what occurred, there will be no question of ‘if’ Phoenix will kill again, it will be ‘when’.

“What the fuck is wrong, Lou?!” he snaps, already sounding like he has murder in mind. The background noise of the bar becomes almost non-existent, which means he’s moved outside, and is no doubt preparing himself for what I’ve got to say in answer to that question.

“H-he was meant to pick me up,” I whimper, “p-please come get me, please, please -”

“Ok, Lou, calm down, I’m in the truck now. Tell me what the hell happened; you’re scaring me!”

“I’m at the hospital, Phoenix, it was the first safe place I could think of…I was so scared…and I hurt so much!”

A throb of pain runs through me as if my body knows what I’m saying with my words, so I break down into the kind of crying that has you gasping for breath. The nurse rushes over to rub my back and encourages me to breathe as she hands me an oxygen mask to try and calm me out of my panic attack.

“You want me to explain, Hun?” she asks kindly, so I nod, being more than glad to not have to say the words myself.

“Lou!” I hear Phoenix shouting through the phone, so the nurse nods her head, gestures for me to breathe through the mask then places the phone to her ear.

“Mr Flynn? My name is Carla; I’m one of the nurses who has been helping your sister. I’m afraid she’s been attacked, Mr Flynn. She has a cracked rib and multiple cuts and bruises.” She pauses to listen to his reply, but then she looks at me, silently asking me if I want him to know the worst part, so I nod. Just once. That’s enough. “Mr Flynn, I’m afraid there’s more. Your sister has been…sexually assaulted.”

She ends the call and I look up at her through blurry eyes, silently asking her what he said. She merely shakes her head and takes hold of my hand.

“He hung up, dear, I expect he’ll be by your side in no time.”

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