Page 23 of Hunter

“Er…I need to get going, my boyfriend will be waiting for me, Mr Francis.”

“Oh, it will only take a moment, and there’s no one outside yet. He’s obviously running a few minutes late.”

“Oh, ok. But he will be here, he’s very protective of me.”

“I can see why. I’ll wait with you until he gets here; make sure you’re safe.”

At first, we just stare at the graves, silently assessing what needs doing before eventually crouching down to begin cleaning them of overgrown foliage and old, dead flowers. We then arrange the new ones on top - pink, aromatic roses for my mother, and wildflowers for my father. He wasn’t really a flowers kind of a guy but he said if he were choosing, he would always go with wildflowers because the bees love them. He would say to me, ‘Lou, we couldn’t live without bees or spiders so don’t ever hurt them, not even when you’re afraid of them. Let them be and they’ll leave you alone.’ Perhaps that’s the way with animals, but it’s certainly not that way with people.

When we finally complete our monthly chore, we sit down in front of them both, with Phoenix resting his heavy arm around my shoulders, gently pulling me against him. Us sitting here like this reminds me of when Dad had just died. Lung cancer. They reckon it was through second-hand smoke inhalation and is the very reason why Phoenix makes people smoke outside. He built a shelter and placed a few heaters underneath and pretty much everyone has accepted this new rule as law.

It was a long, horrible death for Dad and us. I remember freaking out when I had to go into his bedroom and do something for him. He wasn’t the same huge, protective guy I had known and loved. He was frail, wasting away and waiting for death to finally come and take him. When he eventually died, I was obviously distraught, but I also felt incredibly guilty. It was a relief; his suffering was finally over, as was ours. Sometimes I dream he’s still alive and that he’s still in that room waiting for death, and I hate it, because in that dream, I know I’ll have to live through it all again, only this time knowing how painful it will be. When I wake, I feel so alleviated that he’s not actually with us, that he’s not suffering anymore, that I end up crying through guilt. Phoenix tells me it’s natural, but I don’t know. Maybe.

“Do you think they’re together?” I say out loud, just to break the heavy silence.

“I hope so,” he replies as he begins throwing loose stones into the grass. “They bickered a lot, you know? Like normal couples. But you could tell they were each other’s half.”

He smiles over the memory of them, memories I don’t have.

“Phoenix?” I ask as I rest my head against his shoulder.

“Yeah?”

“I love you, you big idiot,” I tell him with a grin on my face, and I can almost hear him smiling down at me as I grip hold of his huge arm. “Thank you for being my family.”

“Don’t go getting all mushy on me,” he says as he pats my head like a dog, “you know I’m not built for that kind of shit.”

“Yeah, you are,” I giggle, “you just have a different, Neanderthal, kind of way of showing it.”

“Take that back, I’ve killed for much less.”

_____

Daniel

“Cheers, big brother!”

I pour the shot of whiskey and salute the cold headstone before me, then pour his over his grave. Charlotte can’t understand why I come here every month, but it’s become a ritual of mine. She thought my trip to London might have broken this ceremony of self-torture but, much to her concern, as soon as I returned home, I headed straight up here to see him. I can’t not do this; he’s the other half of me that I’ve lost forever. Probably the better half. Kevin was set for big things with that brain of his, but I guess it wasn’t meant to be.

“It’s cold today, buddy,” I sigh as I sit down on the grass before the headstone. “Even had to put a sweater on.” To be honest, after being in London, the weather here is practically tropical on a daily basis. “You remember that time you fell in the river? And we had to walk home in the dark? You were shivering so much, I had to hug you in the middle of the road, praying that no one would drive by.” I laugh at the memory; we were only ten, but the fear of someone from school seeing us was enough to quicken our pace. “Mom lost her shit over that one.”

“So, the business is going well, Theo sends his regards,” I tell him, then pause to offer a salute with my shot glass. “I’m bullshitting you. Theo says he still hates you for being such a selfish prick, but you know, he’s just hurting inside. You did pretty much piss everyone off, especially yours truly. I’ll be kicking your ass when my time comes, bro.”

I laugh sadly before knocking back another shot. As the heat trickles down my gullet and warms my head slightly, I fall silent, staring at the patch of ground where his bones are lying beneath me. It’s a sobering thought, one that makes me feel all itchy on the inside.

“I miss you every day, brother,” I whisper sadly, “what a fucking waste, Kev.”

Shaking my head, I knock back another shot, fully intent on getting wasted. Nothing was more fun than getting drunk with Theo and my brother; we had the best nights once upon a decade ago. I shake the memories away before pouring another shot, trying not to fall into the depths of misery, even though I’m drinking whiskey shots in the middle of a cemetery.

“I’ve met this girl,” I announce, trying to sound upbeat, as if he is here in the flesh, just catching up on lost time. “I say ‘met’, but she’s been working for us for over a year. God, she’s a total enigma, man; I can’t figure her out at all. I’ve seen this whole other side to her and it’s amazing…beautiful! She seems so strong, so feisty, but there’s also this vulnerability to her. Kev, I cannot stop thinking about her.” I knock back one more shot, telling myself I need to stop because the buzz is beginning to turn to sadness, anger, and a whole heap of emotions that will bring me down. “Don’t tell Theo though, he’ll kick my ass if he ever finds out. And of course, her brother hates me. Yeah, I know, that’s what brothers are meant to do. Actually, that’s not true. I think Callum’s great; he’s the best thing to have happened to Char. The guy worships the ground she walks on. I think this Phoenix guy is just a jerk, pure and simple. I mean, who the hell calls themselves Phoenix anyway?”

“Daniel?”

Oh, Jesus, I must have had more to drink than I thought because the sound of Louisa’s voice is now echoing through my ears. The voice of the girl who’s currently messing with my insides is now haunting me while I sit here talking with my dead brother. Just to be safe, I refuse to turn around; instead, I just stare at Kev’s name on the headstone with a deep crease forming between my eyebrows.

“You see, brother? I’m even hearing her voice in the middle of a graveyard!”

I chuckle and then knock back another shot. However, as soon as I swallow, I feel small, delicate fingers pulling at the bottle from my hand.

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