Page 58 of Hunter

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Louisa

Hours later, and I don’t think I can recall having laughed so much in the company of girls…and Will of course. Apart from Tilly, there’s no girly shit or catty remarks and I feel fully accepted by Izzy, Penny, and her mother, Frankie. Frankie is the epitome of a mother hen, almost to the point you can feel her trying that little bit too hard with her daughter. Izzy seems to allow her to, but only to a point. You can tell Izzy is very much her own person, someone who has had to rely on her own strength to get through the crap that life once dealt her. I can relate to that, but even I had Phoenix to shoulder the burden. She had years of it without anyone.

Tilly passes out on one of the armchairs, so Izzy plays the old toothpaste trick, placing a small dollop on her finger and then tickling her face so she ends up slapping it all over the place. I would think she’s being mean, but after Will filled me in on why their relationship is so turbulent, I understand the animosity toward her; that and the fact I’ve met Tilly for myself. I bet she upsets people wherever she goes.

Soon, the only people still awake are me, Izzy, and Will. The room is suddenly a lot quieter and relaxed. For a while, we just sit around in silence, being comfortable to just get lost in our own quiet thoughts. I glance at the clock and see that it’s already one in the morning. A text buzzes through to break the silence; it’s from Daniel, telling me they’ll be back in about half an hour.

“So, you nervous?” Will asks Izzy, looking like a concerned friend who is checking in, almost like a therapist.

“Nope,” she says with a huge grin on her face. “I have waited so long to be with Theo, tomorrow is just a formality. I gave up on happiness once upon a time…” She stops, looking as if she’s wandering into the depths of painful memories; I can see it written all over her face. This trip down memory lane isn’t being helped by drink either; she’s sinking. Will and I glance at one another knowingly and she seems to notice. “Sorry, guys, I’ve broken my two-drink rule.”

“It’s ok, Iz,” Will says, getting up to go and sit beside her. He puts his arm across her shoulders, and she leans into him.

“Theo’s been talking about children,” she says out of the blue, smiling sadly as she does so, “but I don’t know how. I mean, how do I…Will, I just don’t…”

She finally succumbs to tears and begins sobbing against his chest, and I feel for her. I know how she must be feeling. How can you contemplate being a mother when you’ve been abused in the worst possible way? How can you bring a child into the world knowing what evil there is? How can you become a parent when your own parents have been missing for so long?

“Well, do you want children?” he asks her with a soft smile.

“I do,” she sighs, “but I don’t think I know how I can be any sort of a good parent; you know?”

“I know,” I find myself answering without even thinking about it. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“No, go on,” she says, her eyes all red and puffy.

“You’re thinking there’s too much hurt in the world to bring something so precious into it, so willingly. You’re thinking you’ve never had a mother to show you the way, so how can you possibly show someone else? Someone who would be so dependent on you for that knowledge.”

I find myself having to turn away from their staring because I can already feel the pinpricks of tears behind my eyes. But I also know they’re still watching me and now I feel weird. I thought Izzy might have understood, but maybe I’m more fucked up than I thought I was. Maybe Daniel is better off being with someone normal, someone who will give him the kind of family and life he grew up with.

“Th-that’s it!” Izzy suddenly says, pointing at me like I’ve just given her the answer to everything. Silence engulfs the room and I wonder where we’ll go from here; I’ve officially ruined a bachelorette party!

“Nope!” Will declares all of a sudden. Izzy and I both jerk up to look at him for more of an explanation. “See, what I think is, that because you both know how bad people can be, and you know what it’s like to not have that special mum figure in your life, you two will make the most amazing mothers. Course, I’m a little sloshed right now so I might not be making a lick of sense, but I know you, Iz, and I get a feeling about you too, Lou, and I think you’d both be great at it, no question about it.”

More silence, more thoughts, but also a slither of light shining down on what was turning into a dark road.

“Your past does not define your future,” I mutter with a smile on my face.

“What?” they both ask simultaneously.

“It’s a saying, something my brother has tattooed on his chest. I always thought it was just something that he got to look cool. But I guess it’s right. For what it’s worth, I think you’d make a great mom, Izzy.”

We both smile at one another before hearing the crash of the front door opening and Theo singing rather badly and out of tune.

“There she is!” He grins in a drunken sort of way, pointing at Izzy like she hung the moon just for him. “My wife-to-be!”

“Oh, my God, Theo! Could you be any more cliché?” She laughs as she rushes over to help take over from Daniel holding him up by his arm.

“Oh, hello, darling,” he says with a saucy English accent and a smirk on his lips, “care to come and look after me?”

“I would but I’ve already blown four clients tonight and I’m rather tired,” she giggles.

“You don’t need to blow me, sweetheart, just let me fuck you a little bit!”

“Well, I think that’s our cue to go, Lou. You ok?” Daniel walks over and kisses me before squeezing my hand.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Theo slurs as he points at us, “don’t go getting her pregnant before I’ve knocked this one up. I’ve already beaten you to the altar, dude!”

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