Page 12 of Hunter

“Phoenix, get your butt in here, kiddo!” Daddy calls out for my brother.

I knew I’d upset Daddy, knew that he had wet eyes all the way home from school today, but still, I couldn’t say anything to him. It was too hard to say words out loud, so I kept them all inside my head. Right now, they are saying, “Sorry, Daddy, I do love you, I just wanted to know what it would be like to have a mommy. Then I could be like the other girls at school.”

Miss Black had called him in because of that silly picture I had drawn this afternoon. I had asked her if I could come and live with her so I would know what it was like to have a mommy in a normal house. I didn’t mean forever though, just for a little bit, just to know what it was like. But now he is sad because he thinks I don’t love him anymore, and I can’t tell him that I do, not out loud.

“What’s up, Dad?”

Phoenix comes out into the bar wearing his scuffed jeans and a black t-shirt that’s already covered in dirt from where he’s been playing on the dirt bikes with Javier. Daddy worries that Phoenix is growing up to be like the men who come into the bar at night - big, dirty, and scary. But not to me. To me, he is the best brother in the whole wide world. Even if he is six years older and likes boy stuff.

“Can you watch Lou for a few minutes while I go and pick up some paperwork from out the back? I’ve gotta make a phone call and then I’ll be back. Here’s a quarter, why don’t you play Pool or something?” Daddy asks him with a sigh, a sigh I had caused.

“Sure,” Phoenix says, taking the coin to go and release the balls, the noise of which causes me to flinch. Dad walks away with slumped shoulders and yet another sigh. “Hey, Lou, you want a chair to stand on?”

I walk over, nodding with a smile on my face. I rarely get to play with the toys in the bar. Daddy doesn’t like me being out front, but seeing as we are closed, and I have Phoenix with me, I guess he thinks we’re safe enough. The people who come in at night are usually ok - loud and mean-looking - but happy enough when they get drinking. Sometimes they fight with each other, and there will be swearing and shouting. Sometimes I’ll wake up to hear glasses smashing, and once I heard Daddy shoot his gun, the one he keeps behind the bar, but it was only into the air. I remember being terrified that night and having to climb into bed with Phoenix.

Phoenix lets me go first and when I hit the ball with the white one, he smiles and high-fives me, and I grin from ear to ear. He has his turn and pockets one of the red ones.

“Ok, Lou, that means you’re yellow and I’m red, ok?”

I nod enthusiastically and he gives me a thumbs up. We continue playing for a few minutes, but then we both hear Daddy shouting something over the phone; he sounds like he is crying.

“They…they think I’m hurting her, Ava,” he whimpers, “I don’t know what to do; she’s six years old and still not talking! I need help…I don’t know how to help her anymore!”

Phoenix and I look at one another before I drop my head toward the floor, feeling so incredibly guilty, I feel sick with it. I’ve made Daddy sad…again. Phoenix puts down his cue and walks around the table to wrap his arms around me and I silently cry against his warm body.

“It’s ok, Lou…you’ll talk soon, right?” He looks at me with such eagerness, that I nod back at him, even though I don’t know if I ever will or if I can.

“Hola!”

The sudden sound of a stranger has us breaking apart and looking in the direction from which it came. Two men walk inside the front door, the sort of scary-looking ones that come in at nighttime. They are both wearing guns and are sucking on cigarettes. One is smiling and the other is grimacing. Neither looks like I want to be in here right now.

“Dad!” Phoenix shouts without even saying anything to them. Instead, he holds me tighter against his side, which is meant to offer me comfort, but only makes me feel all the more nervous.

“Yeah, ok, son,” Daddy calls back, “I’m just coming.”

“How are you today, mijo?” The one smiling asks Phoenix.

“I’m fine, thank you, Sir,” Phoenix replies politely, which means even he is scared of these men. “Just taking care of my little sister.”

“She’s very pretty,” he says, looking at me and wiggling his fingers. “Hello, mija.”

I hide behind Phoenix and stare at him. The man frowns at me and I feel scared; I’ve upset him too.

“What’s the matter with her?” he asks, sounding less friendly than he just did. “She retardo?”

“No!” Phoenix shouts back. “She’s not fucking retarded, you asshole!”

My eyes double in size over my brother speaking with such anger toward this terrifying man. For a moment, the man looks confused by my brave big brother shouting at him, and I worry he’s going to grab hold of that gun and shoot us. But when he hears my father come out into the bar, his face morphs into a smile and then he laughs loudly.

“Phoenix, Lou, go out back,” Daddy says affectionately to us both with some paperwork in his hands. Phoenix gives the man one last hate-filled glare before taking hold of my hand and pulling me toward the living area out back.

“Lou, you gotta talk, soon,” he says before giving me a hug. “You can’t let assholes like that use you because they think you’re stupid. We both know you’re not.”

I open my mouth, willing the words to come out, words to tell him how much he means to me, Daddy too. But all I can manage is a sigh. A long, frustrated sigh.

“Come on, Lou, wanna play Xbox?”

My body finally releases the tension it’s been clinging to, so I look up and nod enthusiastically. Anything to be able to play with him.

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