Page 60 of Save You

“Really? Because Oliver was saying they’re waiting until Beth turns twenty!” Claire grins, seemingly taking extreme delight in stirring the shit.

“That’s nearly two years away!” Carl almost chokes with a look of horror. “No sense in waiting, Oliver. You’re not getting any younger, are you?”

“Beth has asked for us to wait, and I am honoring her wishes,” Oliver replies firmly, “she has no one to answer to but her husband, and that will be me in just over a week. Now I would like us to drop the subject. I don’t want anyone upsetting my fiancé.”

The room immediately shuts up, and I look at Oliver with a mixture of shock and suspicion. I can only surmise he believes he is the only one allowed to give me hell, that no one else is to have that honor. Still, I can’t figure him out at all. But given that he’s just defended me in front of the Mayfield God, who is my grandfather, I give him a look of thanks all the same. He smiles back at me before Pru shuffles in with tea and yet more dresses to try on. The girls immediately jump around excitedly while I plaster on a smile, even if it’s just for their sake.

Chapter 24

Just over one week later

Xander

“It’s a beautiful day, Beth,” I murmur to myself as I stare over the water. The rest of the mourners are taking their seats further up the beach behind me. Casey invited only a handful of people to attend Beth’s memorial, but it still looks like too many to face. Mom has Rosie in her arms and Casey is taking care of everything else, along with Rein. It leaves me to stand here alone as I attempt to ready myself to say goodbye to her. The sky is clear, and the water is flat calm. Casey couldn’t have ordered it to be this perfect if she had tried, which knowing her, she did.

There’s no minister, no body to bury, and thankfully, no photograph of her up on display. Beth would have hated that; she never did believe in the beauty I saw in her. Instead, there’s just a single white flower for everyone to throw into the sea when all is said and done. Bodhi and Annie have provided a few light refreshments for afterward, mainly alcohol. All in all, it’s very low-key, which is more than fine with me.

Just as I stand up tall again, I suddenly feel a hand clamp over my shoulder; it causes me to shudder over its anonymity. When I turn to see who it belongs to, I don’t automatically recognize him at first. I haven’t seen Kai in so long, I’d almost forgotten what he looked like. But now that I’m facing him, I realize he’s not what I remember at all. He looks…different.

His hair is long and pulled back into tightly woven weaves. He’s wearing a pair of simple spectacles along with a pair of black slacks, a plain black shirt, and heavy boots. He’s grown taller and broader and is sporting a scar across his right eyebrow. However, the thing that makes him look the most different, the most shocking, is the look in his eyes. No longer relaxed and chilled-out when he looks at you, Kai seems almost intimidating. In fact, I bet if we were back at school, there’s no way in hell people would pick on him the way they used to.

“Hey, Xander,” he mumbles, then sniffs back a few tears before clutching at the bridge of his nose to try and keep them at bay, “I’m so sorry about Beth.” We both shake our heads, half in sorrow, half in awkwardness. “She was special!”

“Yeah, thanks, Kai, she…was,” I mutter back before looking up at him again. “Aren’t you living in New York now?”

“Yeah,” he replies with a little bitterness to his tone of voice. “I’m only back for today. There was no way I wasn’t coming, though. She was one of my only friends back here. I’ve missed her every day!”

He turns away and waves his hand, signaling that he’s trying desperately hard not to break in front of me. Now I slap my hand over his shoulder before muttering that I’ll see him over there when he’s ready. He simply nods before I finally leave to face the horrifying reality of having to go through with something I’ve been dreading since I got back here. Everyone quietens down as Mal stands to kick things off; her mother is clearly too distraught to say anything.

“A parent should never have to do this,” he begins before pausing for a moment to compose himself, “but I want to thank you all for coming to say goodbye…to Beth. It makes my heart swell with pride to see all the people she touched before she passed. I know she was a shy girl for the most part, but she obviously affected some of you enough to come. Beth was my firstborn, my only little girl, and I don’t know how to replace the hole she has left in my heart.” He clutches painfully at his chest, trying to sniff back another onslaught of tears. “She’s left behind a daughter, our very own little Rosalie, who I know is in good hands with her father, Xander. It just kills me to know that that little girl is never going to have the chance to meet her mummy.”

He breaks down after that and everyone else looks both sympathetic and awkward as he whispers goodbye to her. Jen throws her arm over his shoulders and leads him back to his seat. He instantly folds himself over his knees to let it all out as quietly and as privately as he can.

A couple of other people say but a few words as we go around the circle, like this is some sort of fucked-up AA meeting, when finally, it gets to me. I haven’t even prepared anything; I haven’t wanted to. I had put it all out of my mind until it was just too late. So now, I stand up, shaking in my suit that’s crumpled and uncomfortable, and silently curse myself for not having done any kind of forward planning. Put together with the fact that I must look a complete state in my shirt, which is rolled up to my elbows because it’s so damn hot, people must be thinking I’m either not coping with being a single father, or I simply didn’t care about her that much. That thought alone has me rubbing my hand anxiously through my hair a few times before I picture her laughing at me for doing so. When I finally look up, I see her there, in front of me, smiling and giving me just a little bit of courage to begin.

“Hey, Beth, baby, it’s me,” I say softly to her, then take a sharp intake of breath before letting it slowly out to carry on. “You’ve kind of left me in a mess here. I thought you’d be here to help me with Rosie, but I guess life had other ideas, which sucks for all of us. God!”

I tightly clutch the bridge of my nose between my finger and thumb, shutting my eyes to try and stop my tears, even though it proves to be a waste of time. Bodhi comes up beside me and wraps his gorilla arm around my shoulders, then pats me on the back with his other hand. I have to blow out through my mouth for a good few moments before I can continue, but I’m determined to do it, for both Beth and Rosie.

“I love you so much, Beth, and I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I should have asked you to marry me when I had the chance, I should have been there, I should have…I don’t know, but I just should have. Sleep well, baby, and I‘ll see you again…one day!”

I then break and turn inside of Bodhi’s arms while he simply whispers, “Goodbye, water baby!”

Everyone takes their flower and throws it into the water, watching them float back and forth in the surf, until eventually they are carried down to the bottom of the ocean. After a while, Rosie and I are the last ones left standing there. I promise her to be the best father that I can be; she’s all I have now.

Beth

“Beth?” Leo’s low, guilty voice flows through the room as he stands at the open double doors to mine and Oliver’s bedroom. I’m all alone, staring at my reflection, which is all I have done since the hairdresser and makeup artist left over half an hour ago. All I’ve been able to do is wait, and yet, now that the moment is here, I’m still not anywhere near ready for it.

“Sorry Beth, but it’s time.”

My reflection shows a bride before me, but she doesn’t look like me, not even a little bit. This is supposed to be the happiest day of my life, but here I stand, having already thrown up this morning, dreading it more than anything I’ve ever dreaded anything in my life. In the end, Leo has to walk over and take my hand softly, just to snap me out of it.

Pru follows shortly afterward and bursts into tears when she takes me all in. I look back at her explosion of emotion without expression, though, she still takes me inside of her arms like a mother would and whispers, “You look beautiful!”

Leo holds out his large, protective arm for me, and I accept it because it’s him. I trust him like a father, even if I do know he’s leading me into a fate I want to run far away from. I softly sigh before we begin the descent down the hallway, down the stairs, and eventually toward the awaiting cars.

As we sit in the back of the car together, Leo takes hold of my hand and holds it supportively, like my father would have done if this had been a real wedding. I look to my lap where our hands are clasped together and a stray tear escapes down my cheek. I wipe it away instantly, not wanting to mess with my makeup and let Oliver know I’ve been crying.

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