Page 47 of Save You

“Oh, I’m tip-top, can’t you tell?” I laugh sadly, but when he looks at me with those knowing eyes of his, the ones that remind you of those caged dancing bears on the TV commercials, I blush and look to the floor before muttering, “Sorry.”

“It’s ok, I get it,” he sighs, moving to look dead ahead so he doesn’t appear to be getting friendly. “I didn’t know whether to tell you this, but, er…” Leo looks around before leaning in just that little bit closer toward my ear, “your family arrived today; they headed straight over to Xander’s place.”

At the mention of my family and Xander from someone else’s lips, my heart thumps painfully, and I feel the automatic sting of tears at the bottom of my eyes. I take in a noisy gulp of air and blow it out slowly to try and keep them from falling.

“Breathe it out, Beth,” he whispers. “If it helps, I think you did an incredibly brave and saintly thing.”

“Yeah?” I ask with a small sob. “Because right now, I feel like the shittiest person on the planet.”

“I’m a father too, Beth,” he says and turns just a fraction so I can see into his big, brown, papa bear eyes, “and I would have done the same thing for my kid. It’s what being a great parent is all about, doing everything in your power to keep them safe. Don’t ever question what you did for them.”

I sigh as I nod my head slowly, knowing he’s right, but still feeling sorry for myself. Then, yet more panic crawls inside of me when something suddenly dawns on me.

“Wait, where is your son?” I ask a little too loudly, causing me to wince in case anyone heard. He surreptitiously looks around us before giving me the nod as an all-clear. “Are you staying here or staying in New York? What’s happening with your family, Leo?”

“Relax,” he replies with a small smile, his calm exterior blowing away some of my anxiety, “Oliver offered to pay for them to come to New York if I came with you. My boy is going to be going to one of the best schools that New York has to offer.”

“Oh, oh Christ!” I reply with a small frown, feeling slightly stunned that Oliver would do something so…nice. “I guess that’s good then?”

“For us it is, but for you? Doesn’t change much, does it?”

“It does, actually. To be honest, I only wanted you guarding me; I don’t trust anyone else.”

“Gee, I’m touched, Beth,” he grins, but looks a little shocked over my admission. “If we weren’t being watched I’d give you a good ol’ father bear hug right about now. I would say you’re in need of one of those, but, well…”

“It’s ok, trust me, I get it!” I smile with relief. “I’m just glad you’re with me, even if it does mean you’re having to relocate.”

“As I said, you do anything for your kid.” He then leans back to get more comfortable. “And this is what I need to do to make sure my boy gets the best education. It’s also what I need to do for you, Beth. Consider me your surrogate family, if you’ll have me, that is?”

“Of course, I’ll have you,” I reply in a pitched voice, while sniffing back a whole host of new tears, “I’d be honored.”

Leo gently places his hand on top of mine so that we’re just about touching. It doesn’t stay there long, for fear of being caught, but the meaning behind the gesture is clear, and I’m grateful for it. It’s all I have right now.

Chapter 19

Xander

My heart feels like it’s literally caught in my throat when Beth’s family pulls up outside of the house. In fact, it feels like it’s swelling up and causing me to slowly lose my breath altogether. Casey has been trying to reassure me all morning, but, so far, it’s had zero effect. I’m still psyching myself up for Jen to march in and slap me around the face, probably with her father following closely behind with a pair of bolt cutters for my nuts. The same nuts that are currently attempting to climb back inside of my abdomen.

Being father of the year and all, I’ve decided to cling to Rosie, who is now sleeping and providing the perfect shield for me should things turn ugly. She’s literally the most beautiful thing on the planet, so if she can’t bring Beth’s parents down, nothing will. Every day that passes, I see more and more of Beth in her little face, which both thrills and kills me at the same time.

“She needs feeding,” I murmur to my sister as soon as Mom opens the front door to let them in. Casey audibly tuts at me, knowing full well it’s a pussy’s way out of facing them, but I’m taking it. After everything, I feel I owe it to myself to prolong the agony just that little bit longer before they go nuclear on me. Casey makes no other attempts to stop me when I begin to wander out the back. We both know it’s only a matter of minutes before I have to face the in-laws, so what’s five more?

As my little girl starts to stir, I begin singing Romeo and Juliet again, which instantly gets her arms flapping about with the cutest little gurgle I’ve ever heard. My family is straight-up fed-up with hearing me sing this song now, but if it works, I’m going with it. The girl clearly has a future in singing or being a sergeant major because when she wants you to know she’s pissed, she does not hold back. Besides, I’m kind of proud of her for liking something so old school, that, and the fact that it will forever be etched in my mind as the last song which Beth and I had listened to together.

“She has good taste,” a male voice says from behind me. I instinctively turn toward it, even if I am bricking it. As I take in Beth’s old man, I begin to feel emotional; the guy looks destroyed. His skin is literally grey, and his eyes dull enough to look like a drizzly day, the type that has you feeling sad and longing for summer to arrive. He never got the chance to see Beth after she forgave him over a quick phone call. He never got to hold her, to say he loved her to her face; he just lost her.

“May I?” he gestures to the tiny human in my arms, a girl with whom, he shares DNA.

“Sure,” I eventually reply, quickly moving over to him to make up for the time I just spent staring at him.

Malcolm leans in to look at Rosie more closely. She’s happily feeding on her bottle at an alarming rate, probably getting ready to puke it all up as soon as I move her afterward. The guy flat-out breaks. Tears stream silently down his face as he smiles at her, then places one of his large fingers inside of her tiny grip.

“She’s just like Beth was,” he laughs disbelievingly. “Hey, Rosie, it’s your grandad.”

She holds onto his much bigger finger, but is still concentrating on her food, which does nothing to help his crying. In fact, the longer she grips, the more he cries, until eventually, she finishes. I slowly move her up onto my shoulder so I can rub her back, forcing up the bubbles of air she must have ingested after gulping back the entire bottle in less than five minutes. I take a few moments to marvel over how quickly you get used to handling such a tiny person. When you first meet them, you can’t even comprehend how you are going to deal with changing them or doing anything but hold them like a grenade within your terrified hands. Yet here I am, swinging her over my shoulder while applying soft pats to her back.

A big belch and an uncomfortable silence later, I finally give into relinquishing her over to him, knowing he is desperate for a hold. For some reason, handing her over to Beth’s family has me on edge, terrified that they’re going to suggest they raise her. However, when I look at how taken aback he is over my offer to hold her, I begin to feel a little better. The man looks truly touched, and beyond humbled, to have the chance to cuddle his own grandchild. I even smile when I see him fighting back more tears as he brings her up over his shoulder and starts to sway with her across the kitchen.

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