Page 40 of Save You

Oliver paces impatiently around my huddled body as I walk slowly through the doorway, looking all around me as though this is my first time here. The interior looks much the same as before, but there appear to be boxes everywhere, all half-full of Oliver’s ostentatious crap. I’m about to ask what’s going on and why he’s packing up the house, when I look down to see that my breasts are leaking. They’re obviously too swollen to hold the milk for any longer. I gasp at the sight and can feel my cheeks heating with a kind of shame and sadness, which isn’t helped when Oliver looks over at them with a deep-set frown upon his face.

“Oliver,” I mutter, “m-may…” I cough to clear my throat of my building grief before trying to speak again. “I-I need to, er, have a shower.”

I bite my lip and look awkwardly to the floor, waiting for him to answer as his shoes tap closer toward me. He lifts my chin with his finger so that I am forced to look into his eyes, which give away nothing as to what mood he’s in today. He then looks down to my chest and openly tuts over my current predicament, and without an ounce of empathy, only annoyance.

“Of course,” he says with an air of formality. “Leo, escort Beth to her room and have her guarded from outside the door.”

Leo dutifully nods, looking firm and serious at his employer, then glances at me with the first bit of warmth anyone has given me since we left the hospital. Oliver, however, doesn’t notice because he still has hold of my chin and is staring at me. It’s unnerving because I don’t quite know which Oliver I have right now. Cold, ruthless, slap-me-around-the-face, Oliver? Or the Oliver who believes he’s in love with me?

“Go,” he orders, “I’m expecting your doctor in about half an hour, so be ready to see her.”

“Her?” I look up in question. “Where is Doctor Sawyer?”

The thought of someone else studying my body from head to toe is about as welcome as the man before me. As if to prove my point, he offers me nothing but a wicked smirk as he walks away to check on some papers sitting on the hallway table. He keeps me waiting while he signs something that was just passed to him.

“I’m afraid Doctor Sawyer is no longer with us, Beth,” he informs me without even looking at my reaction, “you didn’t really think I’d let him get away with telling me such huge lies, did you?”

“Oliver, please don’t,” I begin before closing my eyes and gasping urgently for more breath, “you didn’t…I mean he’s still alive, isn’t he?”

He walks back toward me and kisses my forehead before looking into my eyes. He then brushes my hair behind my ear in a belittling fashion, and whispers, “Don’t worry that pretty little head of yours about it.”

“Oliver, please,” I say in a panic, “please tell me you didn’t kill him?!” I grip hold of his hand when he tries to walk away again, which seems to surprise him. He stares at it for a little while before finally wrapping his fingers around my wrist, which he then brings up to his lips to kiss. A sweet motion between a normal, loving couple, but his eyes are full of nothing but menace.

“No, Beth, I didn’t kill him,” he says softly, and I begin to let out a relieved breath when he suddenly yanks me in closer toward his face, “you did!”

I stare back in horror as his words sink in like a heavy, poisonous weight sinking to the bottom of my stomach. Grinning, he eventually lets me go, but is clearly enjoying watching me back up the staircase to where Leo has to prop me up.

“Come on, Miss Taylor,” Leo whispers in such a way that appears firm to Oliver but lets me know he’s got my back. “I’ll escort you to your room.”

All I can do is cling onto Leo’s arm, still in stunned horror as I think of the poor man who lost his life to save mine. Oliver, meanwhile, continues to watch me with a wicked, cruel smirk as I begin walking up the steps.

As soon as we’re out of both sight and earshot, I collapse to my knees and begin to shudder with sobs. My hands clutch at my face so tightly, I’m half tempted to scratch my own skin off, just to make the feeling of hopelessness go away. Leo’s sigh tells me he is feeling beyond uncomfortable, knowing he can’t offer me any affection or support because there will be cameras everywhere. He’s in just as much of a risky position as the doctor had put himself in, so I don’t try and reach for him. I don’t ask for anything more than what I’m doing now.

“Christ, Leo, he had a family,” I sob, “he had children! What have I done? What the fuck have I done?”

“Beth, stop it!” Leo whisper shouts, sounding stern and ready to give me a telling-off. “He chose to help you. It wasn’t you who killed him, it was Oliver, so get a grip and stop punishing yourself for everything that monster does. Don’t let what the doctor did be in vain!”

I stare at him through tear-soaked lashes, looking and feeling like a hot mess, before slowly nodding. He’s right; I can’t deal with everything all at once and I’m still in dangerous territory. Oliver may have agreed not to punish me, but he’s clearly unstable and definitely has the upper hand. My main concern has to be keeping Xander and my daughter safe. If I fall apart now, I risk angering Oliver, which he’ll only take out on the ones I love. I have to pull myself together and make this sacrifice for them.

Standing in the shower, I massage and squeeze my heavy breasts, draining away the milk I no longer need. I cry through the whole ordeal, watching the wastage of my daughter’s food trickling away down the plug, just like any hope that I once had of leading a happy life with the man I love. I can’t begin to describe the guilt I feel over doing this, but I have no choice in the matter. All I can do is accept the pain lancing through me as I wash away one of the last reminders that I had a daughter with Xander.

When I finally force myself out of the burning hot water, I look at the scar from my c-section and pat it dry with a clean towel. It looks angry and red, but I smile at it because it’s what saved my daughter’s life. I would have a thousand of them if it meant keeping her safe and healthy. It will also be a forever reminder of having her; something he can never take away from me.

A long nightgown has been placed on my bed. It’s far too pretty and delicate to wear given how I feel, but I put it on regardless. I need to wear loose, comfortable clothing, so it will do for now. Leo must have placed my small bag from the hospital inside of the door, so I run to it, grabbing it with greed in the small hope that my phone, the one Kai had given me, might still be inside. Of course, it isn’t, but it was worth checking. As I throw it down in disappointment, I notice something pink poking out of one of the inside pockets. A fraction of fabric that you really need to look hard at to notice that it’s there at all.

I pick up the bag with renewed interest and unzip the hidden pocket before pulling out the small, soft piece of cotton. When I hold it up to see what it is, I gasp and begin to release fresh tears; tears that are a mixture of grief and happiness all balled into one. I clutch it to my nose, closing my eyes as I inhale and savor her sweet baby scent. Carol must have placed it inside when Oliver was talking to me back at the hospital. I remember smelling her open head before he took her from me but never thought about it at the time. Now, however, I realize that she was missing her little baby hat. And here it is, between my fingers, and it’s the most wonderful, precious gift on Earth.

I wander over to the bed and curl up with it resting inside of my hands, laughing softly as I treasure this little piece of her. However, a sudden knock at the door has me stuffing it under my pillow, terrified of it being discovered and snatched away from me. No, I need to keep this sacred piece of her safe from him. No one is taking this away from me, no one!

Chapter 16

Xander

Disorientated and suffering from the worst headache known to man, I wake to find my body pressed up against the cold, hard wall of my old bedroom. Everything is tinged with a shade of grey as the sun begins to fall, getting ready for nighttime. Turning my head seems to take a tremendous amount of effort. Hell, even breathing feels tortuous right now. For a few moments, I can’t even comprehend what has happened, who I am, or where I am. All I can do is try and get my body to dislodge itself from between the beanbag and the wall.

Beth!

One word, her name, enters my head, and for a long while it is all I can see in my thoughts. Nothing else matters. After that, it all floods back to me, and pain lances through my entire being, reminding me that she is gone, and I am left behind to raise our daughter without her. If it wasn’t for Rosalie, I don’t think I would go on. I’d find some way to exit this mortal coil and hopefully join her in some sort of afterlife. But I can’t. I’m a father and my poor little girl has already lost one parent; she doesn’t deserve to lose another.

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