Page 23 of Save You

“Thanks…I guess.”

His words make me feel awkward, for he’s never been this affectionate in front of me before. My parents rain down love like I’m stood in the middle of a monsoon, but not Stephen. After Shelly, Mom said he didn’t know how to show his emotions anymore. The subtle nuances are there; you just have to recognize them for what they are. Still, I feel anything but confident in my abilities to handle the situation before me, but I have to sound like I do, for Beth’s sake.

“Over and out,” he says before there’s a long ring tone to signal he’s gone. I almost laugh…almost.

Chapter 9

Southampton, England, 1973

Rosalie

After putting Mal to bed for the third time this evening, I feel so tired I don’t even remember getting down the stairs and into the living room. Perhaps I floated into this armchair and bypassed walking altogether. Sadie wouldn’t have noticed my ghostly apparition; she’s too entrenched inside of her textbooks, studying how to take blood and other such gruesome tasks a nurse must do in her daily routine. The poor girl has an exam next week, and she’s trying to hide the fact that she’s secretly bricking it. Not that she need worry, I know she’ll do fine. She studies during any spare moment she has and always gets good feedback from her tutors.

Tiredly watching as her pen flurries across the page, I begin to let myself wonder what I would have chosen to do with myself had I been given the opportunity. Back home, Mayfield would never allow a woman of my stature to do anything other than be a pretty, little wife who lets her husband do whatever the hell he pleases with her. A porcelain doll façade for what is essentially a baby maker and a warm hole to sink into.

But now, at least, I have Mal. I have fallen more and more in love with my son with each passing day, for he never ceases to amaze me. Though the last few weeks have been particularly hard on both of us, what with his teeth cutting through at a fast rate of knots. We’ve all taken turns to give him the comfort he is so obviously craving as he cries through the pain, all the while chewing whatever he can get his mouth on, including my nipple at one time. It was enough to have him weaned off from my milk and onto a bottle of cow’s milk which we sometimes put in the freezer to help soothe his sore gums. Tom has even tried rubbing Brandy inside of his mouth, something his mother always swore by. Sometimes it works, but often it doesn’t. Most of the time the only thing that does have a positive effect is being in my arms while he sucks and chews on a cold washcloth.

The door suddenly bursts open and Tom marches in, trying to adjust his tie, but getting in all of a fluster over it. He stands before the living room mirror as I slowly turn my head to watch him struggle, being too tired to get up and help him. I also know he’s getting ready for a date. I can’t bring myself to assist him in his plan to take a trip over to some lonely housewife’s place for dinner and a quick fumble between the sheets. It’s too depressing and too pathetic on my part.

Ever since our little talk on the night Mal was born, he’s been getting more and more distant from me. Unfortunately, the more distant he gets, the more my heart aches for him. It’s getting so bad, that only last week, Mrs Topple had watched me say goodbye to my fake husband, knowing exactly where he was going and sighed audibly in my direction. I ignored her none-too-subtle attempt to get my attention, so she poked me with her walking stick and sighed again, only louder and this time with a slight growl to it.

“What is it?” I sighed, putting my hands on my hips, but smiling at her cheekiness at the same time. She’s become my surrogate grandmother and I care about her as fiercely as Sadie does. “You obviously have something to say, so just say it.”

“Who, me?” she shrugged, feigning ignorance. “Why, I’m just a silly old lady!” I couldn’t help shaking my head and laughing at her shady acting skills. “Course, if anyone were to ask me what I thought, I suppose I could share my wisdom with them.”

“Say it or don’t say it,” I tutted at her and grinned down at Mal who was giving me one of his adorable, cheeky smiles while he chewed on a cold teaspoon from the fridge. He reminds me of Tom when he grins and gurgles. Even though they aren’t blood-related, he just brings that same happiness out in me.

“Well, now, I realized your marriage to young Thomas was a sham a long time ago,” she muttered from behind, instantly drawing my attention to her revelation. She simply took in my large, doe-eyed expression with a sympathetic nod of her head, so I ended up having to look away in shame.

“Young Mal isn’t really his, is he?” I shook my head guiltily, feeling like I’d betrayed her trust in me. “He’s trying to save you from something, or someone?” I looked back at her with a stray tear running down my cheek because the old woman had hit the nail on the head and didn’t look like she was ready to stop. “Someone who gave you some of the scars I’ve seen on your body, my poor girl.”

“Please, Mrs Topple, please keep quiet,” I gasped, picking up Mal and going to sit next to her with my eyes begging for her silence.

“Oh, pish posh, I’m not going to say anything to anyone, dear,” she smiled and pinched my cheek like I am her real granddaughter; it momentarily made me feel warm inside. “Of course, the trouble is, you’re really in love with him…aren’t you?”

“W-what? No!” I scoffed at her, but we both knew the truth, she told me as much by the expression on her face. In fact, there was a hint of annoyance in her eyes; she was angry that I was still trying to lie to her. It forced me into confessing without her needing to say another word. “Is it that obvious?”

“Only to me…and Sadie,” she said with a sympathetic smile.

I closed my eyes and sighed in defeat, not realizing Sadie had picked up on my feelings for her brother. Ridiculous, considering that when she isn’t studying, she’s here with me, watching every passing glance, sad sigh, and daydream I must showcase whenever I’m near him.

“Do you want to know a secret, though?” Mrs Topple whispered, even though the room was completely empty. She crooked her finger to bid me come closer, all with a sneaky look on her grinning face. “He loves you too!”

“Yeah, like an old dog!” I laughed sadly as the pain of rejection and disappointment pierced through my heart.

“You’ll see, Rose,” she said with a smirk on her face, “and one day soon, so will he.”

As I sit here now, pondering on Mrs Topple’s hopeful words, I begin to wish more and more that she hadn’t said anything at all. Her telling me he loves me too had only managed to put a sliver of hope inside of my heart. But now that I see him getting ready for one of his rendezvous with another woman, it is only stabbing at it that little bit harder. I study his smart blue suit, his crisp white tie, and his slick-backed hair while greedily inhaling his musky aftershave, which has already managed to infiltrate the entire living room. I end up having to look away before I melt into a weepy heap inside of my chair.

“Ok, lovely ladies,” he grins, looking seemingly satisfied with his appearance, “don’t wait up, I’ll be late. Take care.”

Sadie momentarily looks over the edge of her giant textbook and tuts, at the same time as I offer a fake smile and watch him turn to leave. However, he swivels on the spot to glare at his sister and her obvious disapproval of his nightly activities, showing mild irritation all over his face.

“Something to say, Sadie?” he asks with a hint of a sneer, one often shared between brother and sister. And like most little sisters, she merely shrugs and looks back down to the page she was reading, though manages to look thoroughly unimpressed with him at the same time. “Say it now or forever hold your peace!”

“You might want to consider getting tested,” she eventually says with a disapproving sigh, just as he was about to leave again. She still doesn’t bother to take her eyes away from her work. “You seem to be spreading yourself around the block a bit.”

Even though I know Tom loves Sadie beyond words, and would never harm a hair on her head, I still hold my breath for his reaction. I try to make myself look as small as I can inside of my armchair; I feel like I might get lost inside the storm that is now brewing between them.

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