Page 54 of Save You

“Oh, Beth,” he smiles warmly, “there’s no such thing as monsters, is there, Rosie?”

Nanny releases her grip a little, so I look up at her, waiting for her to reassure me with the confirmation that monsters are not real, just like Grandad said. But she doesn’t. Instead, she stares at me with what looks like a tear beginning to form in the corner of her eye. It unsettles me, even more so than the dream.

“Rosalie?” Grandad prompts her.

“Of course not, darling,” she eventually says, but now I’m not convinced.

That was the last time I saw Grandad. Three days later, he went to help Mrs Baker fix her fence and never came home. Nanny’s mind went missing not long after.

“Answer me!” he roars, returning me to the room, the pain, and the reality of what is happening to me.

It takes all the strength I have to nod my head, but somehow, I do. Just once. He hits me three more times after that, causing me to retch against the sheets, which I think is the only thing that finally makes him stop his assault. I keep retching up dry air until I hear the sound of his belt being thrown onto the floor beside my quivering legs, the same place I spot my destroyed underwear.

After a few moments, I become acutely aware of the uncontrollable trembling running through my body. After that, the shock and pain both hit me full force. Tears are still streaming down my face, and my knuckles are white from where my fingers remain gripping tightly onto the sheets beneath me.

When I hear him move, I tighten my fingers around the cotton, hoping to draw blood, just to appease the anger which is beginning to build beneath my fear. I see the knickers he had ripped from my body now wrapping around his hand as he picks them up, no doubt noticing the absence of any blood. My anger completely drops again, knowing what this will mean.

Within moments, I feel Oliver’s warm hands, which are still calloused from having gripped hold of the belt so aggressively, slide over my arms until his body is resting over the top of mine. He kisses my head and inhales my hair as if trying to calm himself down after his frenzied attack. Every now and then, his clothes brush against one of the fresh welts he just inflicted, and I gasp out in agony.

“Shh,” he whispers into my ear but makes no attempt to move or relieve me. “Beth, I have to make you learn these things. If you’re going to be my wife, which, you are, you need to learn how to behave.”

I don’t answer him, I simply give in to crying because it hurts so badly, I don’t know what else to do.

“Good news, baby,” he whispers again, “I would say your bleeding has finally come to an end. Two weeks and I will make you legally mine. Two weeks and I can fuck you every day and night, so I won’t need Felicity anymore!”

I begin to cry more vigorously before he eventually lifts himself off from me, picks up his belt, and pads over to the double doors.

“I’ll send Pru up to help you dress, darling,” he says, as though what just happened hadn’t occurred at all. I still don’t answer him; I just silently sob while he closes the door on the grisly scene he just created.

Xander

The waves are a little wild today, and I have to admit, I’ve only half-listened to my sister tell me about what she has in mind for Beth’s memorial. As beautiful as it all sounds, I already hate it. To be honest, I’d hate anything she came up with because, ultimately, it means having to say goodbye to her…forever. In my head, I’ve reasoned that until it happens, she’s not really gone. There’s still a possibility that she will come walking down that beach wearing her cropped shorts, her dad’s old t-shirt, her hair in a mess of blonde locks, and a beaming smile, all for me.

Bodhi is out on the waves, riding them hard and not talking much, or so Annie tells me. I’ve kept my distance, knowing that he’s not ready to talk about it with me yet, and I sure as shit don’t want to be the one to open up first. Part of me thinks he blames me; that he thinks I should have done more. A bigger part of me completely agrees with him.

My buddy, Rein, has been helping Casey out, and if the circumstances weren’t so tragic, I think I would have laughed over his inability to know what to say or do around me. Before I head back home to my little girl, I walk over to thank him for everything. He says nothing but pulls me into a bear hug. The guy’s a head shorter than me and has the body of a thirteen-year-old Olympic swimmer, so it’s a little weird. I appreciate it, though.

When I walk into the living room, I half expect to hear our daughter crying because that’s all she seems to do these days. I’m worried she is picking up on my mounting misery as we get closer and closer to saying goodbye to her mother, the love of my life. I’m trying hard to be what she needs, to hide my despair from her, but it’s really difficult to deal with grief, a lack of sleep, and still maintain a smile on your face. We’ll get there. We’re a team now, her and me, through thick and thin. No doubt about it, I would lay down my life for her, just like Beth did.

The silence is a little unsettling when I wander through the empty house, and even though I know everyone must have taken her out somewhere, I still get this feeling like I’ve lost a limb. I needn’t worry about her, for both families have fallen in love with Rosie; you’d have to be made of stone not to. I know Beth’s mom finds it hard to look at her. She sees the same similarities I do between Rosie and her late mother. But she still wants to be near her, to take her in before they leave for England again.

Deciding I need a stiff drink, I head into the kitchen to grab a cold one. Dad’s scotch could easily numb my pain, but I need to stop myself from heading in the same direction Stephen took, for Rosie’s sake, so make it a hard limit. Instead, I head to the fridge to get a cold beer but almost jump when I see Beth’s father sitting outside with a slump in his shoulders, clutching hold of a full glass of red wine, which he clearly hasn’t touched.

For a long moment, I stare at his back, wondering how long he’s been holding that thing without even taking a single sip. Finally, I let out a long breath and brace myself to go and sit with him, even though I’m not really sure if I have the strength to do so without breaking myself. However, everyone has been so sympathetic towards Beth’s mom and me, I sometimes feel sorry for him. I don’t blame him for what happened because I know, in the end, Beth didn’t. This would have happened with or without Mal’s propensity to fuck up when gambling’s involved.

As I take a step outside, it’s his turn to jump when I roll the door closed a little bit. It has a tendency to squeak extra loud when it’s pulled in this direction, and the shock of it clearly startled him. I try and hide a smirk when I see his lips mutter ‘fuck me’ under his breath. It makes him appear that little bit more human instead of merely being Beth’s father, and the descendent of a monster. Regaining his composure, he laughs softly before gesturing to the chair opposite.

“They took Rosie out for a walk along the beach, for some fresh air,” he explains, “I just needed to have some time to…you know.”

“Yeah, more than I’d like to,” I reply before taking a sip of beer that instantly tastes sour.

He nods his head while looking back out ahead of him, still making no attempt to drink his wine, instead leaving it to float around in the air like a bad smell.

“You know, under normal circumstances, I’d be tearing your nuts off for getting my little girl pregnant,” he laughs sadly, “but you two have made one hell of a beautiful daughter.”

“It was never intentional,” I reply as I look a little sheepishly to the ground. “A real ugly part of me thinks that if it hadn’t happened, if Rosie didn’t exist, then Beth would still be here with us. With me, forever.”

I gulp back almost half the bottle in one go as the guilt of what I just admitted sits heavily inside my stomach, festering away like unwanted bacteria.

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